This topic contains 21 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Mike 8 months, 1 week ago.
November 14, 2017 at 2:03 pm #666872
I’d love to hear male and female perspectives on this.
Has your significant other ever asked you to watch porn with them? My bf and I have always been pretty open when it comes to sex. I know he watches porn (I did too before I met him) and sometimes he raves about some of the girls on there. I never really took any of the raving to heart because they’re just pornstars and he has a new fave every month. He says things like, “sluts really turn me on” etc. Anyway he recently asked me to watch him jerk off to this new pornstar he’s into. He was constantly raving about her, saying how perfect she was etc. I laughed in response, made fun of him. Didn’t say no, but didn’t say yes. He and I have done things together and I think he sees that I’m pretty open to sexual exploration when it comes to the two of us- but is this normal in relationships? Should I feel disrespected? I read somewhere that there are girls who are super open with their guys, and watch porn with them, indulge in their guy’s fantasies for a threesome, and still have loving relationships. But I’ve also heard the other side where a man who would ask you to do such a thing is a man who doesn’t care or respect you that much.
When it comes to how I feel about him asking me this – I’m not really sure. It’s not necessarily a good feeling. Is it low self-esteem? Because those girls he raves about are virtually perfect and I don’t look like them. Should I just trust that he loves and cares about me and that he’s just a guy who’s open enough with his gf to request such a thing? Should I feel disrespected that he even does these things at all? Would I feel disrespected if I had high self-esteem and tell him off for it? Or would I just go along with it because I’m happy with my self-image. I honestly have no clue, but would love to hear your thoughts.
November 14, 2017 at 2:09 pm #666874
Amazing how women will tolerate anything to keep a man around
If you aren’t comfortable with it. Don’t do it. Who cares what other men or women do?November 14, 2017 at 2:32 pm #666881
Yuck. I’d be really disrespected. The initial gut feelings you got after reflecting on his request is your inner self rejecting this. Don’t ignore it and never do things for the benefit of a man. You could do everything under the sun for him and with him and there’s no guarantee he’d stay with you. Never compromiseNovember 14, 2017 at 2:33 pm #666882
If you are asking this… deep down you are bothered with this period. Watching porn is a different thing but raving about those pornstars and asking you to watch him jerk off while he is watching his favourite pornstar is definitely coming into the territory of disrespect. Here and there watching porn and jerking off is different when in relationship but being hooked to it is a complete different story. If he is turned on by sluts he isn’t too far banging a slut. There are tons out there. Jeez I would tell this man to live in his porn fantasy and I am out!November 14, 2017 at 2:43 pm #666885
Trust your own gut on this. I couldn’t be with someone who raved about porn stars all the time, but I’m pretty traditional sexually. It’s your life and your relationship. If this is a bridge too far for you, then tell him it is not a turn on for you to see him get off on watching another girl have sex. Might be interesting to learn why sluts turn him on so much. And how you fit into the mix, not being a slut and not having the body of a blow-up doll. How is the relationship outside the bedroom??November 14, 2017 at 2:47 pm #666886
To answer your questions… it isn’t about self esteem so much as it is about your kink comfort factor. You can be high value and have high kink comfort or low kink comfort. High value is doing what is congruent with your comfort level. I dated a guy once who wanted to play all kinds of role play and spank me. I tried to play along but my heart just wasn’t in it, and that ruined it for him. I giggled when he tried to spank me the second time and he got really upset. We decided the next day while we liked each other, we were not compatible in the bedroom and went our separate ways. He was a good guy otherwise, but I couldn’t be what he needed. And he couldn’t be what I needed. No point in forcing it.November 14, 2017 at 3:04 pm #666889
I would not be with any guy who “raves” about other women, regardless of who they are.
Either he’s incredibly immature or just very clueless/disrespectful, or both. He does not sound like a prize to me.
But this is about what you want/like/are okay with. I would not date a guy like this.
It’s one thing to innocently appreciate the attractiveness of the opposite sex, it’s another to obsess and make your S.O. feel inferior to these women.
Yuck! He’d be a big ole nope for me.November 14, 2017 at 3:38 pm #666894
My bf and I have talked about porn, we joke about it, we also have had a serious talk about what we both watch etc. I wouldn’t mind watching porn with him and I know he knows the name of some of the actors. But he only really talks about these kind of things (like certain actresses or possibly watching porn together) when I bring it up.
He’s never made the first move a’d he never sits and talks about specific porn stars and how perfect they are. I would not like that at all. He does that with a few regular actresses (like Emma Watson) because she was a childhood crush of his. That I don’t mind (he also tells me I’m prettier every time – big liar 😁).
I consider myself pretty open but I would worry too about what you’re describing. He doesn’t seem to filter his male thoughts from the female friendly thoughts. Voicing another female is beautiful or sexy us entirely okay to me, raving about them and wanting to wank off while you watch is a whole different thing. I’d sit him down and calmly ask about his motivés and maybe mention it hurts your feelings a bit (it would hurt mine at least). Seems fishy to me.November 14, 2017 at 4:39 pm #666900
Everyone knows that men who are seriously in to porn never get satisfied with what they have. They always want more. My ex was in to porn in his twenties, and is now almost 50, still watches and jerks off daily. He is still looking for the perfect slut, hasnt found one yet.
I personally do not date guys who use porn frequently. that is my choice. There are men out there who honestly dont care about porn, dont own it, dont use it.
I think he would have to look pretty hard to find a woman who thinks his lifestyle is a good bet for a future husband. You are accepting behaviour that is not normal. Not normal. Dont let him get away with it. Just get out. You dont even need to have a discussion about it. he wont care about your point of view. He loves porn that much.November 14, 2017 at 6:12 pm #666916
Sexually you should do what makes you comfortable.
He requested you watch porn with him as he jacks off. I would feel a bit uncomfortable with that too since his head is in fantasyland and you are watching.
His thing and your thing may not be the same thing…and that is ok as long as your partner respects you have your own thing.
Just say no. Also, do you really want someone who into fantasy this deep?November 14, 2017 at 6:25 pm #666925
Twilight and Fifty shades of grey are pornography for women. How many women love to read so-called romance novels where the heroine is deflowered without her explicit concern?November 14, 2017 at 6:44 pm #666927
I’m not so sure this is as much about watching it together as it is about him disrespecting you by raving about these women. That would be a huge turnoff for me, and my bf and I watch it together sometimes. However, when we do, he’s a total gentleman. He is constantly focusing on me and telling me how goegeous he finds me. So this is the only way to do that together. Sharing fantasies is intimate and a good thing. But he should be putting you above these other women and you should feel like the most gorgeous woman- in the room or on the screen.November 14, 2017 at 8:47 pm #666941
Offer to make your own porn with him and Watch him jerk off to that.
Raving about how perfect this porn star is would make me feel so inadequate and disrespected and I would probably find a way to tell him as much but also i would watch more of what she’s in and try to emulate it to play out his fantasy. Stuff she says or does the way she moves etc.November 14, 2017 at 8:57 pm #666943
Ugh Liz what’s wrong with you? You get disrespected like that and tell him you’re disrespected and then placate him? You’re the perfect fit for a guy to walk all over you and take advantage of your wishy washy-ness.
There’s something wrong with picking apart every detail and wanting perfection because he will never get perfection. Nobody is perfect. She’s perfect in his mind because of her ability to take in a huge pen15.
To use the fantasy of the perfect man/woman is a way avoid intimacy while claiming it’s what is wanted. It’s a load of crap.
I’m totally against porn. It ruins relationships.November 14, 2017 at 9:34 pm #666949
You only want to hear male perspectives OP if they completely agree with what Rollo Tomassi calls ‘The Female Imperative.’November 14, 2017 at 9:46 pm #666951
Watching porn is a choice thing. That he wants to do that with you I don’t see as much but a taste thing. However, the fact he raves about other women is completely disrespectful. Any normal woman would feel hurt and inadequate and any normal man would know that. And watching porn together is NOT the same as you watching him Jack off to another woman. Nope, nope nope. This is not good. If I were you I would think long and hard about being with this guy.November 14, 2017 at 9:47 pm #666952
It doesn’t sound like your comfortable with it or you wouldn’t be posting here for help.
How do you truly feel about it??? That is the question you need to answer for you and then have a discussion about with your BF. Do you lack self-esteem? Does your BF have a lot to do with it? I’m not against porn but with anything in life TOO MUCH of it can cause problems, no different than any other addiction. Does he watch a lot of it? Does it interfere with your relationship? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Is it causing issues with your sex life?
These are questions you need to answer and then decide if its something you can accept, live and be OK with?November 15, 2017 at 1:14 am #666978
You are an idiot. What’s the first rule of fight club?November 15, 2017 at 4:27 am #666993
Quite open person
In my case, I was the one who suggested to my bf to watch porn with me.
It took him time to watch with me but both of us enjoyed it. We had great sexual exploration after watching it together. We are quite open about discussing sex and I think watching porn actually was quite a positive experience for me.November 15, 2017 at 4:22 pm #667187
It’s funny, someone mentioned making a porn-video and having him watch that instead. We actually did that some time ago and it was great! He raved about the video for a month and kept telling me when he was about to jerk off to it. Aaah that sounds a little weird when I type it! But I’m guessing any couple who has sex has done weird things right?
Anyway thanks a lot for all the responses. You guys really helped me realize that it really was just the raving about other women that got to me. He and I are very open and adventurous sexually, and we’ve always accepted each other’s kinks, so maybe he doesn’t realize he’s taking it too far with the pronstar raving. Like, if the pornstars look absolutely nothing like me, and he’s calling them “pefect”, then what does that make me? He won’t know how I feel about it until I tell him point blank, so I’m talking with him tonight.
I know 1 guy who watches porn and loves it but still has a pretty good relationships with his girlfriend.
Men – when you watch porn and “fall in love” with whatever pornstar – that’s just a sexual fantasy/kink right? Does it mean you love your girlfriend any less?November 15, 2017 at 5:44 pm #667201
Courtney – I’m glad you’re going to talk with him tonight. Keep us posted! He might just be immature and oblivious…November 15, 2017 at 6:00 pm #667203
I have never “fallen in love” with a porn star. I’m smart enough to realize that it isn’t reality. Also, I think most women don’t realize this, but a guy watching porn almost never has anything to do with the girlfriend / wife. I think of it this way – i like football, i watch football. I like sex, i watch sex. It’s something I’m interested in, so i watch it. But for me, it has no bearing on the real world.
Although honestly when I’m in a relationship, I hardly ever watch porn, unless the woman wants to watch it with me. Which is pretty common, according to my experience.