He wants BDSM..I want soft n gentle love making


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Melissa 5 days, 13 hours ago.

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  • #742845 Reply

    Ria

    Hi folks,

    I am in a relationship where ths guy is having a v weird fanatsy of BDSM ..not sure how do deal with it. I really love the fella but really dream.of passionate love making in contrast to domination he prefers. How do I tell him that I want soft & slow and not brutal without making him look for options? I tried to tell him how I like and I know in ideal scenrious sex is mutual and needs communication but what if you love some one who is ready to move on if you don’t things sexually the way you want ?? If I do it its hurtful and If I dont its will still be hurtful as I doubt he will stay back andit truly hurts to imagine my life without him …I am trapprd n stuck badly. ..

    Pl advice , highly appreciate it .thank you

    Much love ..
    Ria

    #742848 Reply

    Psychotic episode #7

    You’re damned if you do damned if you don’t. He will leave you and get off on it anyway because it’s still going to cause you pain. Then, probably try to convince you to stay. Then, torture you some more emotionally because you won’t give into his demands. He’s still going to find ways to dominate you. I’m sorry you got stuck in a relationship with a guy who’s into it. I like a hard spank every now and then but full on leather and lace, whips and chains…. Kinda scary. I feel sorry for you. He’s not the last guy on the planet and it’s not like he can stop you from moving on. Unless he hacked into your phone and is trying to control the people you talk to.

    #742852 Reply

    Psychotic episode #7

    If it’s just a fantasy and he loves you he probably will be okay you’re not okay with it and leave it at that.

    It depends on the kind of person he is. Does he have to have his way no matter what?

    Some guys out there are really sick and can’t take no for an answer or respect your boundaries. I guess because they think they know you better than you know yourself. Some guys will break up a relationship you’re in because they want to have their way with you then dump you, treat you poorly, and then turn around and treat someone else better than they treated you and make sure you see it. To get off on the pain they’re inflicting on you. they may see it as some sort of revenge when all you want to do is move on with your life without seeing it or them because it hurts so much when all you want is to get better.

    #742857 Reply

    peggy

    Hi Ria-this is an incompatibility that will just get worse over time-you are not on the same page sexually and unlikely to get there. Sorry,but I think you should call it off now and look for someone more suitable.

    #742884 Reply

    Melissa

    For the record, there is NOTHING wrong with engaging in BDSM (and it doesn’t have to be “brutal”) IF you have an interest and desire. To assume it’s all leather and lace, whips and chains is simplifying it too much.

    Ask him: What is his definition / idea of BDSM? Light spanking, simple bondage, etc? Is he interested in experimenting, or just the THOUGHT of it? A fantasy is a fantasy and, unless he’s specifically asked you to participate, that’s all it is (for now).

    To automatically write this guy off because his sexual fantasies are “v weird” to you isn’t fair. And to assume that this “incompatibility will get worse over time” is an amazing leap.

    I would hope that, if you’re at the point you really “love the fella”, you could have the conversation about sexual preferences and turn ons / offs without worrying about losing him because you aren’t on the same page as he is.

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