Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › He told me he has another girl in his life but he cant let me go. What do i do?
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lovesick95.
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lovesick95
Hello everyone! I usually dont post on forum but I am really desperate for advice right now. This situation is eating me inside. so I am in love with a guy whom I know since 5-6 years and he knew that I really liked him. Anyways This year we started to REALLY talk! but it was mostly sexual. we decided to meet up at his place and we hooked up. He was going to visit his family soon in another country so yeah we met multiple times before that.
During one of those meet ups I told him that I love him but he didnt say it back. anyways I wasnt expecting it but during that time he became really loving and he started to open up to me and he was really giving me alot of attention. anyways he went to visit his fam and during that time he never called and when I called him it got sexual again but nothing else and he never called me by himself. we talked on text but it got less and less everyday and one day he deleted his social media accounts everywhere and stopped contacting me. i was devastated!
After a month I got to know thru his mutual friends that he is back. I contacted him and he said he was sorry for ghosting me and that he didnt want to play with me and he became loving again. but one day he told me that theres another girl in his life and he cant hurt her or me and that he has no feelings for me. so I said ok then I should leave but he got all emotional about it and said that he cant let me leave and he has feelings for me but he is in a complicated situation. I told him that if he ghosted me again then I would never make any effort to reach him back again for good. I am really sensitive about him but in my mind I know that I should leave this but when I see him I become weak. Anyways we hooked up again and he said that I am enough for him and thats it but then again he started to become distant and when I showed him that I am sad about it, He put in very little effort to communicate. I really dont know where I stand in this situation. I feel like I should leave but then the idea of not being connected to him makes my heart sink.i feel so sad. please everyone what should I do in this situation :(Khadija
Stop texting, sexting, sleep with, or talking to this guy.
Its a was of your time and you keep putting your heart on the line.He has chosen another woman over you let that sink in. If you want to be the side chick by all means but, don’t cry too much when he breaks things off for good.
Raven
You’re letting him use you, you understand that, right …?
Anderson
I have never seriously pursued a girl after knowing her for a long time. In other words, all my relationships developed immediately after knowing the person. They may have developed as friends first but I was still secretly romantically interested in them and clearly pursuing them.
This makes me wonder if there’s some sort of pattern. I wanna know if a serious relationship has ever resulted from these… “Talked casually for a bit. Then reconnected again after a long time and started dating.” All the women I’ve ever liked or crushed on that I’m intermittently in contact with. I would never pursue a serious relationship with them.
lovesick95
Thank you so much!
Khadija and Raven
Yes I always get the feeling of being used but I am not strong enough to accept the reality. H e rarely puts in any effort. He doesnt wanna go out. He only wants to stay in at his place. Messages at his own convenience. Sometimes he wouldnt even read my texts and would be online but yet again when I try to leave, he becomes this different kind of person. All lovey dovey and emotional and never even mentions the other girl. I have seen all the red flags and I am still sticking around and that is my biggest mistake. I realize it but cant seem to act on anything sensible. I feel so broken all the time. How do I bring myself up to break contact? :(lovesick95
Hey Anderson!
Thankyou for your reply.
The thing is that we never really casually talked. I really liked him from the start but he went on to pursue another girl so I stepped back but then when he got to know thru our friends that I like him.He cut contact with that girl but it was too late cause a guy was pursuing me that time and I, thinking that he is in a relationship with that girl, started going out with the other guy. Which he always mentions that this hurt him. Anyways he kept seeing many girls that time around and started contacting me again when I broke up with the other guy. Not going to lie even when I was seeing the other guy I was interested in him.Though I didnt breakup with that guy for him.Anderson
Needless to say the relationship has deafening reasons that it needs to end.
But you’re actually incredibly strong to be honest with yourself. And you exhibit that honesty with others too. I’m not as strong as you. I’m too weak to show weakness. And as much as I despise being a male stereotype, some things are embedded deep.
You’re not alone in feeling fear/weak to break up. I needed help/support/advice for my recent breakup. If I did it the way I wanted to, it may have not been a definitive breakup but perhaps more on-and-off again nonsense. Maybe how much I inherently cared for her would’ve made the break up linger and further damaged my own sanity. I’d lost trust in the rship yet still wanted to work through things. Given who I am that made absolutely no sense. But it was evidence that I had this uncontrollable instinct to fight for the few people/things close to my heart.
Yet I managed to break up. Which means you can too
You need someone who can hold you accountable. Friend or family member. Even this forum. Anyone who you promise to talk to before making any decision regarding him that would break no contact. Replying to text, wanting to call or meet etc. For me it was my sister who gave me reality checks any time I second-guessed if I’d made the wrong decision. Or trying to defend/rationalize on behalf of my ex. I needed that for a short while after which I myself didn’t want to break no contact myself. And I am emotionally stronger today than I have been all year.
lovesick95
Yes, you are right. I actually never share anything about him with anyone. No family or friend. Thats why I came here to seek advice because I wanted someone to re-assure me that what I am feeling is legit and that I need to move on. It is going be to hard and I still dont know how to cut contact but I know I have to do it. I think about him all day and it is seriously getting very toxic for my mental health. I really love him though. I am really depressed.
Thank you for opening up about your experience though. Makes me feel that it will eventually get better after I cut off. Even thinking about it makes my heart sink but I guess its better than getting utterly destroyed by him later.Anderson
“I think about him all day and it is seriously getting very toxic”
Yup. Been there too.
There is no “how” to breaking contact. But just doing it.
When was the last time y’all talked or met?
lovesick95
I met him last saturday and he texted me today but I gave him a cold shoulder.
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