Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He never makes time for me
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
T from NY.
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Cat
Dating a guy the last two months. We’ve become bf and gf. Finding it difficult and not sure how to progress. He’s busy. Super busy. Just doesn’t feel like he can make time for me.
Last weekend? He was out walking with his friends then out to the pub Saturday night. Sunday playing football.
This weekend he’s out Friday drinking. Football game Saturday night. Playing football Sunday.
He wants to see me the next again weekend in two weeks time, however I’ve had plans with the girls for a full month to go out. He knows this. I’ve told him no. He keeps asking to meet me then and I’ve said, look if you can’t move plans for me, I accept, but don’t expect me to cancel my plans.
Last night I was unhappy at having to wait three weeks to see him I asked when he would make time for me. He advised he would come to mine through the week. I complained about this last night, then in the morning I apologised for this and advised I’m happy to see him through the week some time to which he replied “sorry I’ve got freelance I have to do an nights that I keep putting off next week tho”
I’m frustrated.
Is he keen or is he just not making me a priority?!
He says he wants to be with me. Claims he is obsessed by me and wants to be my bf but doesn’t seem to make any time at all in his life.
I told him he needs to make more time for me or to stop stringing me along and end it and he viewed my mail, didn’t respond & keeps going on and offline?
What’s his issue?
Cat
Or am I the one being out of line?! Should I be ok to wait three to four weeks to see my bf?
Tallspicy
Honey I feel for you that sounds really painful. I’m glad he committed to you but he’s only committed in words not and actions. I don’t think you talking to him about it 1 million times is going to change anything I suggest that you end it. The issues that you’re simply not compatible I would not be OK seeing my boyfriend once every three weeks that’s ridiculous. A person who really want to in your life and their life acts like it.
It is not for him to stop string you along it’s time for you to stand in your value. And it sounds like your communication between the two of you really isn’t working because he isn’t willing to do anything different. I suggest that you sent him one more email and it says “ this dear Bob thank you for so much time it’s been really lovely getting to know you but it’s become really clear that we are not compatible and aligned about what we’re looking for. I truly wish you the best.”
Then let him go. If he tries to create a fuss, simply state “I want this and that in my life from my partner, and despite us talking about it, you are unwilling to give it to me. I really do appreciate our time together, and hope you find someone better suited to you”
Under no circumstances reengage. This relationship is too short to start negotiating.
Lane
He doesn’t have an issue other than he wants sex when he has time for it but has no desire to be in a true progressive relationship with you.
Your issue is that you are all talk and no action. You keep threatening him but don’t deliver on it so he’s only doing what YOU allow him to do. IF you stopped allowing it he would stop making empty promises because you would take the needle off the broken record by no longer listening to the same old song. Either stay on the string or cut the cord. The choice is yours, not his, as he’s perfectly OK and content keeping you tethered because all he has to do is throw out a bone and knows you will keep chewing on it.
Cat
I am 100% all talk. He knows this. I think he knows I like him. I would definitely say I like him more than he likes me.
Liz Lemon
He’s full of it. You have to look at men’s actions in relationships, not just rely on their words. He’s prioritizing his time with his friends. OK, fine, his friends are important to him; nothing wrong with that. He enjoys playing football, that’s nice. But these things are much more important to him than YOU, and you want a relationship. That’s where the fundamental incompatibility lies.
Not seeing your girlfriend for 3 weeks for no good reason whatsoever (other than that he is prioritizing his friends) is utterly ridiculous. It’s not like you both have small children or other complications that might make seeing each other difficult. He’s drinking in the pub with his friends every weekend instead of spending time with you!
I would end this, as the other posters have said. It doesn’t matter how much you like him. He won’t reciprocate. The sooner you end it and move on, the sooner you can find someone more compatible, who wants to actually see you and be with you.
tammy
he does like you but doesn’t seem that invested in you or this relationship. it appears that this relationship is not anywhere on his list of priority . you obviously are not happy about seeing him once every 3 weeks. but your trying to act cool and accommodating him. I think after some time you will lose your patience and there will be arguments and bad blood. you need to figure just what kind of relationship you want in your life at present. whether what he is offering meets those expectations somewhat atleast since we cant have everything. but from what you have described it does not come across that he is taking this relationship with you seriously or is that into you.
what you can try however is to not push him anymore for a meeting at all. put him on a notice. step back and observe. give him some time to step up. we need to see if he does take initiative and arranges more dates with you, makes more plans. sees you atleast once a week or makes wknd plans. if he doesn’t do any of those things you know what you have to do.
forcing him to meet you, forcing him to cancel plans with his friends to meet you, all that doesn’t make sense. he needs to step up on his own for the simple reason that he loves you and wants to spend time with you. all the best
Better off
Walk the walk sister otherwise you’re just a doormat he can abuse whenever he feels like it.
T from NY
I mirror to men the way they treat me. There’s no need to be emotional. He certainly isn’t anxious about y’all. I would end it. Not meanly or even with high energy. Just call and say – hey you know I’ve been doing some thinking, I checked in with me and decided I want a boyfriend that spends consistent to time with me – at least a couple of days per week – I really like you but I think we’re on different pages. I wish you the best though.
No man who’s really into you, and also REALLY emotionally available to be in a relationship would treat you this way. He’s either immature, or a scoundrel trying to keep you on a chain for when he wants you. This has happened to all of us – men who were “too busy”. But women who really value themselves don’t put up with it. Best of luck
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