He never makes a move

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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  L 5 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #731421 Reply


    He never initiates sex or even kissing.
    Seeing him over 3 months.
    He did initiate first kiss.
    But nothing ever since.
    We would spend hours together. Cuddling, hugging, he would be caressing me, kissing my forehead. But never on the lips. I would wait hours.
    Sometimes we would be just lying down on the sofa or the on bed and he would just hug or be caressing me. But never makes actual move.
    And when I get tired of waiting and I kiss him, he takes full control and we would end up making love.
    Sometimes I would be waiting until 1/2am when we got home around 10/11.
    I don’t know what to do.
    Shall I tell him.
    I just want him to make the move. What gives.

    #731430 Reply


    Why are you yelling us? Tell him. Why is this complicated.

    #731435 Reply


    Tell him it really turns you on when your man makes the first move.

    #731459 Reply


    hmm..it could be passive aggressive manipulation.. but it is hard to tell, you need to give more info, how old are you both, 3 months dating, how soon you started having sex, are you “exclusive” or not etc. Provide some background info.

    #731474 Reply


    I’m 28, he is 30 are exclusive.
    We started having sex first month.
    Although he kissed me first, I did the initiating after that even first time we had sex.

    It was quite frustrating at one point even after we had sex because we would go come back at my place, hang out for hours, I’m thinking he Would make a move but I get tired I would tell him “I’m going to bed” he would say okay and put his shoe on and head out to leave. This one few times after we had sex first time. Then I got asked him if he wanted to stay one night, he said okay. So now when it gets late, I would say I’m going to bed and he would come to bed too but still not initiate sex.

    We see each other very often, every other day or every other 2 days, initiated all by him, so I know he likes being around me.
    But I don’t what’s going on that side of things.

    #731509 Reply


    This is odd behaviour. Does he know you like him to initiate things too? Just discuss it. Maybe he is shy or doesnt know how to. Or when he caresses you its his way of telling you he wants to further things and since you’re not reciprocating as in caress him back and kissing, leading it to sex then he stops there. Again discuss it. You two a too grown to be afraid of voicing out your needs.

    #731515 Reply


    It is very odd indeed.

    Clearly in all this time it occurred to him that initiating is possible and even desirable. He is not from the moon.

    I’d be quite irritated as well in your shoes. Why don’t you confront him and ask what’s up with this.

    #731522 Reply


    Sounds like he has issues with sex.

    #731539 Reply


    It is frustrating honestly, I know if I tell him I would like him to initiate, he would. I would like just doing it without me telling him.

    He does not see to have issue with sex or intimacy , when I kiss him he goes for it and takes full control, it’s just getting him to start that is the problem.

    I have tried holding out so many times and failed.

    I like being with him and he seem to too.
    I just don’t know what to do.

    I am not afraid to tell him, I just rather not and it came from him because he wants to.

    Nathalie I do reciprocate, we are both very affectionate people, he is very touchy but so I know that’s not him wanting to make a move. First time he kissed me, he got hold of my face and kissed me so I know when he wants to kiss, but he never done it again since the first time

    #731618 Reply


    maybe he has some new age ideas stuck in his head that this is how it needs to be done with women. Wait until she asks you. I am not kidding. Because there is gotta be some explanation to this behaviour.

    What are you options if you don’t ask? You are only left with NOT having sex UNTIL he initiates. This is the only option. Are you prepared to wait and not have sex? Day after day, week after week? it’s like sitting in an ambush. Well maybe this is what you have to do to change this bizarre behaviour. But the process of doing it would make you hate him LOL

    Do you know anything about his sexual history? Maybe ask indirectly, say, women in your life, did they all come on to you for sex? Not in those exact words, find a subtler better way to ask this question. Or you can say, how do you think women feel desired by a man, what makes them feel desired. He’d give you one or two options, you can lead him into the topic you want to discuss. If he is not manipulating you, he would get a hint.

    But a simpler solution would be to just ask why do you always wait for me to initiate sex? It spoils my enjoyment of sex with you.

    #731633 Reply


    I wouldn’t say it spoils my enjoyment of sex with you to him. That sounds too critical and from what you’ve written I think this guy is attracted to you and happy with you, but his character isn’t to initiate.

    Are you sure the caressing etc isn’t his way of starting it in the hope you’ll then notch it up which leads him to know that’s then the green light ?

    It sounds like it’s simply who he is. You could go at his pace and see if he notches it up if you don’t turn it into sex… but it sounds like he might not and you’ll feel rejected and frustrated. Is he laid back and quiet and gentle generally?

    #731797 Reply


    Hi love. I kind of had a similar situation to you when I first started dating my partner. He hardly made a move on me for the first year that we were together. Our situation was a bit different because we were doing long distance for pretty much the first year. I had to initiate the first time and I asked him why he never initiated it before. He was honest and he said he wanted us to be in a more secure place and he didn’t want me to think that sex was his only agenda.

    This could be the case for your boyfriend as well. Maybe he just wants to be a gentleman and make sure you’re ok with it. It sounds like when you do initiate he doesn’t seem to mind so I don’t think it’s got anything to do with him not being attracted to you. I would just be honest with him and have a discussion with him about what you’re feeling otherwise it will never be fixed.

    My boyfriend also told me recently that he would like me to be a bit more passive when it comes to initiating things especially if he’s tired from work. At least now I know so it’s something that can be worked on.

    #731819 Reply


    Thanks ladies for the helpful feedback

    Emma, I thought that at first, maybe he is worry with all this going on nowadays.

    Maybe is worry about rejection, maybe it feels good to him that he is wanted.
    I keep having all these thoughts of what it could be.
    I don’t know much about his past relationship, we did talk it about at the beginning but I can’t remember in details because I was talking to different guys. but I will do that next time I see him.

    Honeypie, that’s why I have not said anything so far, I don’t want to ruin it. Every time he makes I Would he thinking, “is he doing it because he wants to or he thinks I want to” so you see me asking him would not ease my mind.

    He is very gentle, easy going but serious guy

    Since I’ve made this thread I’ve seen him 2x and he still waited until I made move.

    Kim I hope that is his thinking too. And thanks for sure.

    My plan is, to be very strong, and not initiate sex next time I see him, I am going to hug him and caress him, just like he is towards me but I wouldn’t kiss or make a move so I will see what he does.

    #731874 Reply


    Best thing is to have a chat with him. That way you don’t have to jump to conclusions. I was doing that before I spoke to my partner as well. I was thinking does he have feelings for someone else or something? It wasn’t till I spoke to him that I realised that wasn’t the case at all.

    #732153 Reply


    Kim i ended mentioning to him last night.

    So last night, , after waiting for him to make any move.

    I made the move and then afterwards I said to him “babe you know what I notice, I always kiss you first, I wonder why that is, now I think about it, the only time you ever kissed me first, was when we first kissed” (i was not talking seriously, I say it in lively, happy voice tone)

    Him: oh is it, really, (nervous laugh) are you sure, I don’t know you know.
    Me: have you always been like that
    Him: well yes and no, I don’t know to be honest in depends I guess, but now you made me aware of it.

    So ladies as you can see I didn’t get clear answer. There seem to be no explanation. Its just who he is I guess, unless something else comes along later.

    On happy note though, he asked me to be “his” and I said yes, so we are officially together

    #732165 Reply


    He sounds about as interesting to speak to as a coma patient.

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