Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He leaves stuff unresolved
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
Laurenx.
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Laurenx
Hi ya’ll
I would appreciate some advice on how to proceeed here.
I exclusively been dating a guy for 8 months (prior to that we known each other for +4 yrs) he’s +15 yrs older than me. He confirmed what we have is a relationship.
Unfortunately i found out he was not emotionally bonding with me all these months & sleeping with me seemed to be his only intention.He was very selfish in the bedroom too. Never showed affection or complimented me. I.also caught him lying to me a few times,i had evidence & he denied… hence i gave him space & 6 weeks later we reconnected but it hasn’t been that great.
I found out he blocked n unlocked me (thru a friends account) while being intimate with me. He was also being extremely rude (name calling) showed no respect after our 6week no contact ended. That hurts and now he seems so avoidant, doesn’t reach out via text or call… So i stopped trying. I have stuff at his place & he doesn’t seem to want to meet up or give it back… he always leaves stuff unresolved and can’t seem to finalize this relationship. I guess fading out is a way too. But i deserve better than that.
I guess he’s groomimg someone else (he has narcissistic tendencies) and hold ons to my stuff for a reason? Again, i don’t want him crawling back in 5 weeks or 3 months.
But yes, i had strong feelings for this man & it hurts alot knowing hes a disorded man.
It sucks to be ignorded like i meant nothing. But how to move on without him finalizing things. It’s clear he’s avoiding me: (
Raven
Is the stuff at his house valuable?
Laurenx
It is Raven
kaye
I want you to go back and read what you wrote…he’s selfish in the bedroom, won’t emotionally bond with you, never showed you affection or gave you compliments, he lied to you, blocked you while being intimate, calls you names, shows you no respect, and has narcissistic tendencies and not a single DAMN thing has changed after not speaking to him for 6 weeks!! Yeah, he sounds like a real dream boat!! Girl, you don’t need him to finalize things… you need your head examined as to why you can’t shut the door on this and NOW!!
Narcissists never totally end things because they like to have their little harem of women (victims) they can call and get an ego stroke from anytime they want. You don’t need to get your stuff back, you don’t need to have him finalize or resolve anything. It’s done, it’s over, it’s finished. Block him and move on already!! He can discard you, ignore you, and act like you meant nothing to him. My suggestion is you do the same back to him. Not only is it what you need to do but it’s also the worst thing you can possibly do to a narcissist…ignore him like he means nothing. I suggest you give it a try IMMEDIATELY if not sooner!!
Raven
What stuff is so valuable that would mean keeping in contact with this guy?
Laurenx
Yes it´s my spare keys to my rental apartment and it got 2 keys for the front door etc ,also bunch of clothes , shoes and medication.
I am sad he´s ignoring me. We spoke on the phone (i called him up last week) he just said, he had to kill an insect and need to hang up, and will call me later – but he did not. Since he unblocked me on Skype – he´s online, but he never texts – he´s working alot it seems. Also i confronted him about blocking me(with evidence from microsoft) and he still denied it.
He just strung me allong all these months for what? sex? and now he´s doing the fade out..it hurts so much :L( I am trying to realize he´s a narcissist but just hurts he couldnt even finalize things with my stuff – like why if he already knows he dosent want me!!!!! what´s so hard about that.
Im struggling so bad and I feel he threw me into depression :(
Shazel
I think he is holding your stuff so he has some control over you. You will continue to ask him for it so he wants to keep seeing you beg him to let you go get your belongings. I’m sorry but he sounds like a horrible person and that’s the only reason why I would think he’s being avoidant of allowing you to come retrieve your belongings. The items you mentioned unfortunately will need to be replaced or forgotten. Have your landlord get you new keys and change your locks. Your best solution is to avoid this man and stop giving him the power he is so obviously seeking over you. I was with a narcissist for many years and they do not empathize with anyone it’s their needs that come first.
Lane
All you can do is take him to small claims court. Specify what he has of yours of value only with documentation such as receipts. That’s the only legal recourse you have, and don’t ever associate with his type again.
Slattan
Get your stuff, go with a friend or someone neural – or forego it – you can possibly change your locks on home insurance? And get meds again on prescription, and we can all buy clothes again. You say he leaves it unresolved – you’re letting him! You be the one to definitively end and cut all contact, it’s the only way else you’ll keep getting sucked in – you’ve already spent a lot of time with back and forth and feeling unhappy due to him – this isn’t ok, and it would be really sad if in a year you were still in the same limbo. Be strong, take the decision, get out and in a hear it’ll be the best thing you did, when you look back!
Laurenx
He´s been ingoring me , my calls, text etc – and i bumped into him by accident yesterday – he acted like nothing is wrong – he even said, “you must hate me – I am a bad texter right? ”
He kept talking about his work situation – but he gives no details about what he is doing or what kind of job it is – even tho me and him used to work for many years together, and now he´s doing “consutlancy” -but whenever i ask him more – he just thinks alot, so he makes something up to say… it feels so strange.
I was so anxious standing there and listening to him – he didnt ask one thing about me, besides that i lost alot of weight and i am alredy so tiny – so he told me to eat more. He also said he was gonna met up a friend tomorrow (friday) – but again, my accident i seen him and it was 3 friends -(we was sititng at a resturant)
I don´t know why he´s lying so much – I feel so used and depressed and my life is not ok right now …my mental health :( This man has been so crule to me and i can´t express enough the hole in my heart and head.
Thank you all.
x
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