This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Algo 6 months, 1 week ago.
January 11, 2018 at 7:56 pm #678399
I’ve met this guy, we’ve been talking for going on 2 weeks now and he took me to dinner last weekend. Things we’re great and have gone great. Now I’m the type of person who develops feelings rather quickly and when I date I date because I see potential in a relationship. So I asked him straight up, he says he would rather be friends first and work our way up, which I completely understand. I also told him that I’m willing to be friends first but I’m not going to do anything sexual with him because that’s not the kind of person I am. He says he’s perfectly fine and that he would never do such a thing unless we’re in a relationship. Reasonable right? Well no.. I’ve been overthinking this whole thing because I feel like a sitting duck. He seems interested in me, but I guess I need a little reassurance.
January 11, 2018 at 9:03 pm #678403
You’ve had one date… … …January 11, 2018 at 9:14 pm #678405
You want a relationship after one date? You don’t need reassurance. You need therapy.January 11, 2018 at 11:43 pm #678420
I don’t understand. You both seem on the same page about being platonic friends first and then seeing if you guys have relationship potential. What do you need reassurance about?January 12, 2018 at 1:23 am #678428
After 2 weeks and 1 date you’ve had a relationship talk?! That’s a really good way to kill the passion! Plus he now knows you’re massively into him and he doesn’t need to chase you. Bad idea.
He’s a man you met once you don’t know anything about. How can you have developed feelings for someone you don’t know? You can’t. You love the idea of being in love. You want to be in a relationship. This is nothing to do with him or your feelings for him.
You have to be more patient with love and relationships. Any emotionally healthy man is likely to run from someone so intense so soon. They know this isn’t about them and you’re just desperate not to be alone. That leaves you losers and players who are likely to hurt you.
Stop chasing men and expecting instant relationships. Stop getting so serious so soon. Love and even liking someone takes time. Don’t even think about a relationship until you’ve been seeing someone frequently for about 3 months.January 12, 2018 at 6:13 am #678446
@L. LOL, made my dayJanuary 12, 2018 at 8:45 am #678453
You make the biggest mistake many woman make in dating. You go into an initial meet up with an automatic assumption this guy is going to want to be your boyfriend. Men can sense this vibe from a mile off. No man , at least not a mentally healthy man, does this. He dates, he gets to know you and within a few months decides if he wants to proceed further. As a woman, you wait until the man picks you and then decide if you want him as a bf. Women tend to do it backwards. They pick the men who haven’t chosen her and then end of chasing him. It’s a losing battle. Look at nature. The female species always waits for the suitors to try and win her over. Then she picks which one she likes best to mate with. She doesn’t go out chasing down males or going after those males that aren’t fighting for her attention.January 12, 2018 at 10:44 am #678471
@Kayla, some big generalizations there! Feline species (lions, tigers) engage males for procreation purposes and quite forcefully too.
But of course it is silly to expect anything after one date. LOL
Let him ask you out on the second and third date and then decide if you want to continue with him. This I agree with 100%. People always notice things that we think they don’t. When a woman that anxiou and eager she’d give off signals, she’d say something about the “future”, hinting and thinking she is being subtle.
But the thing is, you can’t just pretend you are not eager. It will still show. You need to really not feel it. Try to change your mindset. Try not to think of EVERY guy as a potential BF. Try to go on many dates.
Understand that you need a second and a third date BEFORE thinking about this guy as a potential anything. If you don’t change your thinking you are very likely to end up with a low quality guy.
Put your best foot forward, limit your time on your first date to one hour, be nice and polite, do not engage in anything personal or “deep” on the first date, do not sleep with him, make out or anything of this nature. Dress sexy, be engaging and sweet. get invited to the second date, on the second date pay a little more attention to him, still do not engage in anything too deep, get invited to the 3rd and only after that decide if you like him enough to continue. Of course oyu need to offer things of value to him as well and be attentive and pleasant, it goes without saying. But you need to stay detached, polite and sweet but detached. And yet women start thinking what kind of curtains they want to buy for their future house – after the first date! I understand as a woman that we want commitment and stability but don’t oyu want to select the best possible guy for YOU? How would you do that if you obsesses over a guy after the first date?January 12, 2018 at 11:05 am #678474
It’s one thing to develop feelings quickly and it’s totally another to go on one date and start freaking out and needing assurance the guy is interested and sees potential for a relationship with you. You seem to be in love with the idea of being in love because you don’t even know this person. You can’t have the slightest clue if this guy has potential for a relationship with you yet. Him saying he wants to be friends first is because he has no clue if this will develop into a relationship either and you pushed him into the conversation already. I’m not sure why you feel like a sitting duck but if you are always this anxious and needy when you first start dating someone then you need to be working on yourself before you get involved with someone. Your need for reassurance at this point isn’t healthy.January 12, 2018 at 11:15 am #678477
Just because you had a date, he is not automatically “the One”. Even if he is interested, how do you know if you are interested? you don’t know him yet.
How can you get attached to a man you do not know, simply because he pays some attention, texts and takes you on a date.
Thats like falling for a guy with a bag over his head. You cant even see him but you are already falling for him after a single date.
It’s not about who will date you, its about are they a good match, only time will tell.January 12, 2018 at 12:24 pm #678501
Too funny on the lion analogy, actually lions fall under the polygamy rule. One male for a pride of females. Not the norm in nature.. but you fail to say that eventually other males will come in and challenge the male for his pride. If the current male is old or can’t handle the battle, the females (plural) still go to the new male who won them over.
Oh and male lions are lazy and rely on the females to hunt all the food and take care of the cubs. Bastards! :-)January 12, 2018 at 12:34 pm #678502
I’m going to assume that you have a lack of experience with dating because this is not how things go.
You went on one date with this man and quickly decided he could be a guy you want as a BF? It takes time to come to this decision and it has to be a mutual thing. This guy was probably put off by such forwardness.
Going forward you really need to get a handle on your feelings and get to know a man first. Allow him to lead that discussion about being in a relationship.
You have every right to hold off on sex until you are ready but, they way you communicated that to him was a bit much. Geez.
Lastly, if you need to seek reassurance from a stranger, then I’m sorry to say dating isn’t for you right now.
Stick around the forum and read up on the threads, I think you could really benefit from the knowledge on here.January 12, 2018 at 9:36 pm #678570
😂January 13, 2018 at 1:59 am #678595
Actually, male lions are known to ‘share females’. When a lioness is fertile, she will mzte with a male every 25minutes for about 4 days. If the male gets tired, she’ll just find a new male to mate with. So both genders are quite loosy-goosy with reproduction.
Anyway, I think it’s okay to say you are looking for a committed, serious relationship on the first date. It’s a must even. Why waste your time on a guy who wants a fling? But literally saying you won’t have sex just sounds like you’re not a very positive or fun person. Look, any guy who wants a serious, committed relationship with a good girl won’t exoect a girl to have sex with him until he’s proven he’s a good guy and he’s worthy of having her. So you don’t have to say, you have to literally say what it is you are looking for and then ACT out and show that you won’t sleep with any male without a commitment, be a high quality woman. Don’t tell him that, show him. Jusy don’t sleep with him and if he stocks around, you’ll know.