Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He keeps calling me by his ex-wife's name?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
redcurleysue.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Heidi
I’ve been together with a man for a few months. He was married for 15 years and has two kids from this marriage. He divorced 17 years ago, because he found out that his ex-wife was cheating on him. I have the impression that their marriage was a good one and that he was very fond of her, although he said that he never really loved her. He has had a few other girlfriends after the marriage ended.
What bothers me is, he still seems bitter about the cheating and he has talked about it quite a few times. But then he will bring up fond memories they had together too. Having said this, he often mentions old relationships with other ex’s too. Thing is, he has called me his ex-wife’s name now on a few occasions. First during an argument. Then embracing me as we watched a sunset. Then whilst cooking together. Even his mum called me by her name one time when we were at her place for dinner. Then suddenly he called me by his daughter’s name whilst we were out walking. He has apologised and I have tried to brush it off. He recently told me he loves me, but I’m concerned he’s still too scarred by the divorce even after all these years. What do you think?
Tallspicy
This is a yellow flag. Not quite red but pretty yellow. People who talk about their exes are creating distance. I suggest you let him know that he is doing this and that it’s not OK with you. It is distancing to be mentioning exes and it is distancing when people talk about them because it makes you feel like they’re not over them. He might not be aware he’s doing it so it’s worthwhile to have a conversation but I would be really clear that you don’t want to be with someone who’s not over their exes. over means not talking about them not speaking poorly of them etc. even if he compares you favorably, there are others in the relationship in spirit.
Raven
Ask him if you should change your name to something easier to remember…
redcurleysue
Being close to you may trigger unconscious verbage. I know my ex always called me “hon” and even after a divorce called me “hon” a couple of times by mistake. I understand your feelings but know it may not mean a lot…it could be just an old habit that needs to be worked out.
When he calls you by her name call him Harry….the contrast to his name will wake him up and maybe you will laugh at all this.
-
AuthorPosts
