This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lizzy 3 days, 1 hour ago.
November 22, 2018 at 12:06 pm #729853
Been seeing a guy for 2 months meeting each other’s friends/family, doing things, having sex etc.
At the start he mentioned having several platonic female friends. Then on & off drop the name of 2 or 3 of them. I was not feeling good about it but didn’t feel I had a right to make a fuss. Guys should be able to have other friends right?
Anyway lately he says he helps most of his women friends with house repairs and construction. He also spends time with them socially. He has never introduced me to any of them.
Now he keeps saying how much he is working and “busy”. I dont know what is up. I see him sport a sexy shadow on his face alot where he goes a few days without shaving.
One day he was working on his computer from home. I tried to call him around noon & a few times more but it appears his phone was off as no delivery receipt. Was able to reach him several hours later when he turned his phone back on. I asked him and all he said was he put his phone on airplane mode but with no explanatory reason.
He doesnt ask me out that much anymore due to being tired or busy.
Should I be suspicious he’s hooking up with these other females? It’s odd why he would do all sorts of free work when he already has a full time job and a girlfriend.November 22, 2018 at 12:28 pm #729854
How do you know he’s doing this work for free …?November 22, 2018 at 1:08 pm #729855
He told me he “helps” people in his spare time and doesnt take any money from them.
Which – in my opinion is very odd given he has a full time job and a girlfriend.November 22, 2018 at 1:55 pm #729856
Who is the gf?
You are likely one of his many female friends in his mindNovember 22, 2018 at 2:27 pm #729858
I think you should see other guys… Maybe have one of them “help” you around the house- You know repairs & such.November 22, 2018 at 3:28 pm #729863
Raven you really made me chuckle, my mind went straight to the 70s porn trope of someone coming around to fix the fridge LOL
I have lots of male friends. I make music with guys. It’s entirely healthy to have friends of the opposite gender and it’s a nice thing to do to help your friends.
Have you met any of his male friends? I dated a guy for a few months and never introduced him to anyone, male or female. I wanted the space to know I really liked him before having the pressure of friends judging. Turns out he was a dick, so good job no one met him ;-)November 22, 2018 at 10:32 pm #729878
The phone thing is usually NOT a good sign. Sure you can’t know for sure but do you ever turn your phone off during the day? for no specific reason, like meetings, or appointments?
You won’t find a proof, so listen to your gut.
Female friends are ok to have but usually you’d meet them pretty soon, especially if you met other friends and family.
I like Raven’s advice. Start looking for a new BF. Especially the one who can do repairs for you without any payment, or at least without payment in cash. LOL
If a dude had a GF who had 2 or 3 platonic male friends for whom she’d be cooking meals and did ironing, after work, using her spare time because she likes to help people, how do you think the dude would react? LOLJanuary 10, 2019 at 12:37 am #735582
Do not be one of those needy, clingy girls who calls a guy they’ve only known a few months all the time. It sounds like you are making more than enough effort to keep whatever it is you have with him going. Let him initiate if he wants to see you now. If not you know the answer. The worst look is a woman who chases a man.
Why was his phone on flight mode? Was he on a plane? I wouldn’t buy that excuse. It’s fine to have female friends. I have quite a few male friends and my partner doesn’t mind because he knows that’s all these guys are to me is friends and he has met them. It is a bit weird that your boyfriend does odd jobs for them around the house. Can’t these girls get someone else to help them? Like a parent, another family member or a guy that doesn’t have a girlfriend?
I would definitely talk to your boyfriend and find out if you and he want the same things. If you’re looking for something serious and he just sees it as a fling end it now before you get even further in.January 10, 2019 at 10:03 pm #735688
It’s odd a guy who has a GF would spend so much time doing favors for his platonic female friends. He told me he cant say “no” to requests for help. Rather weak willed in my eyes. Why cant these women pay professionals to do the work? Also people dont really do stuff for free. We are selfish. He is looking to get something out of it. And who knows what. Attention. Sex? Maybe my guy is a royal creep!January 10, 2019 at 10:08 pm #735690
He also now supports a partial unshaved look that’s very rugged looking on my opinion. And one day I smelled cologne on him. We didn’t hang out that day either, he was ” helping” a platonic female friend again. Humm.January 10, 2019 at 10:17 pm #735694
Have you met any of the friends yet?January 11, 2019 at 12:19 am #735701
His brother and sister yes. But not his friends, female or Male.January 11, 2019 at 3:01 am #735706
So you guys have been seeing each other since Sept? Has anything changed since you posted in November? It sounds like you still have suspicions about him.
If you weren’t hanging out, how do you know he was wearing cologne – that confused me.
Is this making you anxious? As carrying on in a situation you feel anxious in will ultimately mess with your self esteem – believe me, I was with a musician for 3 years back in the day and he was a bit of a player and cheated on me repeatedly. The signs were always there and I was always a bit anxious – it did me no good whatsoever in the long term. Protect yourself xJanuary 11, 2019 at 3:55 pm #735798
When I smelled cologne on him, we did not have any plans to hang out in the evening. In fact, he was busy helping platonic female friends later that day. We briefly ran into each other at the Rec Centre we both belong to. And that’s when I smelled cologne and saw he had that sexy unshaved look. Obviously he didn’t do all this stuff for me. Oh and had never worn cologne around me before. Why all of a sudden? Its plainly obvious now that he’s looking to play the field!January 11, 2019 at 4:07 pm #735799
You didn’t say anything?January 11, 2019 at 4:09 pm #735800
Are you two ‘exclusive’January 11, 2019 at 5:06 pm #735808
well, I am sorry about that. But it only proves the thing we know: trust your gut. I know it is hard to act solely based on your suspicions but what you can do at that point is to STOP doing what you’ve been doing before. Until your suspicions clear or the opposite happens, until you have enough proof to act.January 11, 2019 at 5:31 pm #735815
First of all when my husband was really busy working when we were dating he did usually sport the unshaved look for several days because frankly he was too busy working to bother with shaving. He knows I love him clean shaven, especially when we’re going out for a date so I would be way more suspicious if he was clean shaven!! The sexy shadow you are talking about means he’s too busy to shave which actually backs up his story to you.
Your problem here is not the fact he has female friends. Your problem is that suddenly after only 2 months of seeing each other he’s working and too “busy” to see you but somehow has time to help these women with house repairs and hang out with them socially. He doesn’t ask YOU out anymore because he’s tired and busy.
I don’t think it’s weird for someone to turn their plane to airplane mode if they’re in a movie theater or attending a performance or somewhere you don’t want your phone to go off like an office meeting. For all you know he decided to catch a movie instead of working on his computer.
Have you actually had the talk about the two of you being exclusive and not dating others? You say you’re his girlfriend but I’m certainly not getting it from this post.January 11, 2019 at 6:37 pm #735825
I doubt you are his “REAL” girlfriend, you just said I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months, and you do seem needy and somewhat controlling.
If you were his real girlfriend you would be comfortable enough to ask him what you are asking on this forum.
Back off and do not be so invested in a guy who would not even give you an explanation why he had his phone on Airplane mode. If he was your real boyfriend or that invested in you he would feel the need to explain.January 11, 2019 at 6:55 pm #735828
He’s a player and loves the attention. It boosts his confidence being the hero.
Act like you don’t care about him he will step up. Start acting like a girlfriend he will back off.
You’re better off finding someone who doesn’t need a woman’s approval.
A man interested in you will make time for you. Will want to spend time with you on a regular basis instead of talking to you through text or calls. He will prioritize you. This guy doesn’t seem all that interested.January 11, 2019 at 9:31 pm #735836
My ex had many female friends, even let one live in his house for a few months. The difference is that he introduced me to them. We didn’t get along. He’d do crazy sh*t like leave in the middle of dinner *at home* to go pick them up from downtown because they were too drunk or something and let them stick around at the house when we’d head to bed. They would intentionally call when we were out knowing our plans. BUT whenever we had to be around eachother he made it crystal clear that I was to be treated respectfully and that I dictated when we’d leave *if we were out or on the boat, at an event, etc. They hated me because of this but I felt they were only using him for his $ sooooo… I found solace in the fact that if we ended up together, they would be the first to go & I took comfort because he would vent to me about them sometimes and tell me things I KNOW they would die if they found out I knew about :) It was the only time I had to deal with anything like this but I felt he was worth it, I trusted him, and who doesn’t like a little competition, right? I will say they were my biggest issue but he also was so complementary and besotted with me, even in front of them that I just stayed focused on our relationship rather than his with them, you know. That’s what I suggest you do. Good luck! :)January 12, 2019 at 6:57 pm #735885
My opinion is I think he mentioned their names to you in case you happen to see the text messages or phone calls from them sometimes so you’ll think their his female friends so you won’t be curious. I think he’d probably been seeing a few girls before he met you, and still kept looking. When he found you he did the same trick to you so he can keep seing multiple girls at a same time. He probably says the same to them that you’re one of his female friends. But you two now are not exclusive yet, I would probably ignore. Once he asks you to be his girl friend then you should talk to him about this and he should be clear and honest with you by let you see them to proof that they’re just simply his friends.January 12, 2019 at 10:39 pm #735897
I am withdrawing from him. He is obviously more interested in hanging out with other women. This thing is casual at best. I am best to move on without having any sort of discussion. We are in a situationship. It isn’t normal in my view for a BF to hang out with other woman more than his GF. In this case we are not. Thanks for all the responses.