He ghosted me after 7 months!

You are probably right, but what you had was a real relationship and he seems to be emotionally stunted. Like I said before, this pandemic has just fast forwarded things.

In terms of some posters, I think people are different in terms of relationships. After you’re past marriage and child-rearing- that’s a totally different relationship- desires in what you want moving forward in your life can change. Some are practical and choose a new partner based on facts- divorced a number of years, no messiness, life totally in order, and some of us (me) are more emotionally based. I chose based upon a connection I couldn’t live without- a chemistry like no other because that’s what I want. It may not last forever but it’s worth it for the passion and the incredible quality of the experiences. Sometimes it looks like you get both and congratulations you win a prize.

But no choice is wrong, but it’s just different in what you may want.

I get you feel blindsided but this very common, in that, most relationships don’t have staying power, where at some point in time, one, or both, ends for one or a myriad of reasons.

Life is messy, its not ordered, controlled, or easy to navigate when juggling a lot of plates in the air hoping they don’t crash around you. Some can no longer juggle them all, and when it starts feeling too hard, the first plate they drop will be a relationship. I know it sucks when you’ve put in time, and your heat on the line, building something together just for it to fall apart but its one of the many hard facts of life.

My age has taught me a lot of those hard lessons, either through experiencing it personally and/or watching it play it out with others, which is why I stay away from certain men (like him) because of it. In the future, date men who haven’t been married for a very long time as they come with a lot of bad habits or baggage; are recently divorced (count 1 year for every 5 years he and his ex were together (he needs at least 3 years)) as a good measuring stick for datability; and don’t have young children who consume a lot of their time, especially if the ex is very involved.

His priorities are to his children and business. That’s where his primary focus is, not starting another *family.* Many men in his age group I’ve talked with, regretted it, and felt like they would be working and playing daddy until they died. Its especially not good when the reality of it hits them during a mid-life crisis! I’m not saying this was your goal or you even discussed it but its *possible* his ex put that idea in his head and the reality of it hit him?

I’m not saying a relationship with these men, in his age group, can’t work but just know, many end up regretting having the second family later in life, IF that’s what you want, and best to find a man who doesn’t have so many plates in the air and is able to focus on building a life with you, not spending all his energy managing a business (I own one and its not easy) plus young children. Personally, I think you dodged a bullet and it just hasn’t hit you yet.