He Ghosted Me After 1 Year Relationship


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 1 month ago.

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  • #773020 Reply

    China

    We have been friends for over 11 years. Then we started dating last year, March 2018. Things were great until May 2019. The last time I heard from him was May 17th 2019 . What makes it even harder is that it is or was a long distant relationship.
    I have called and sent several messages . He responded to the last text that he has been going through a lot of setback with his business.
    I feel like I am losing my mind because I need some sort of closure. I am too ashamed to tell my family and friends that I didn’t breakup with him, he actually ghosted me.
    The last text I sent to him was on August 17.
    I want to text him so bad to ask for closure. I am so confused, heartbroken.
    This man was good to me and he suddenly just ghosted me .

    I haven’t had luck with love. My ex before him cheated on me several times. The last straw was when I found a woman in his house and he kicked me out.

    I feel like there is something wrong with me. Maybe someone cast a spell on me or something 💔.

    #773039 Reply

    T from NY

    I am so sorry this happened to you. There is absolutely zero excuse for anyone to ghost a person who’s being a loving partner. On this forum I believe you will hear a lot of people say that — closure comes from inside of you. And I believe that to be true. But it is also human nature after dating someone for over a year to desperately want to hear from them. My question is this:

    Regardless if it’s long distance — if my BF of over a year wasn’t answering me I would drive or fly to wherever he was and confront him. BUT you said he DID answer you at one point and use the LOUSY excuse he was struggling with his business. That was him essentially telling you — I know you’re wondering what’s going on with us, I have other things that are my priority, I don’t value you enough and have such weak moral character I am not even going to give you a proper explanation.

    So you really haven’t been ‘technically’ ghosted at this point. He gave you response. It was just not a response that had any meaning you were looking for. You’ve basically been dumped by a complete shistehead. Therefore ghosted in the sense that the man you THOUGHT you were dating is gone. I’m sure you would have never dated him if you thought he was capable of this.

    This guy is showing you who he is. And some might ask when the long distance was going to end? I think that’s an irrelevant question for as long as you’d been dating — he should have communicated to you whatever he was feeling. I would not, now, after this many months encourage you to seek him out. Get a therapist. Take time to grieve. Stop being embarrassed to tell people. You did nothing wrong. Reflect on if there were signs of his bad character to teach you for next time. This heartache will pass. Lots of us have had bad luck with love. It’s a fact of life. You are okay. He is not kind. Block him. Take time to tend to you.

    #773042 Reply

    Better off single

    It sucks you went through that. In your shoes, I’d seek him out and talk to him face to face instead of try to contact him over the phone.

    #773154 Reply

    Kim

    As the other girls have said. After a year you’d think you’d be able to trust that this person would not behave in this manner. There is nothing wrong with you sweetheart. This says everything about his lack of respect and honesty.

    I would go to where he is if you can and find out what’s going on. You need closure. After a year you deserve a better explanation than “oh sorry. Work’s been busy”. That’s not good enough. If you really want to see someone you make the time. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. If he’s had enough and doesn’t want to continue in the relationship anymore he should just be honest and say “We gave it a shot but I don’t see a future with you”. Yes it hurts but it’s honest and you’re not left wondering and you can move on. It seems honesty is so hard to come by these days.

    #773202 Reply

    anon

    Wow, 11 years as a friend and he did you like this? What a cow.

    Do you have any mutual friends? If you do, I’d go to them with this information- “hey, he went ghost on me after we had dated for a year. It is incredibly upsetting and hurtful”. I think you need to speak your truth to someone, and I would hope that friend would relay that information to this guy. If I found out a friend of mine ghosted another friend, that ghost would get a full on smack down from me.

    Also, if this guy comes back, the ONLY thing you say is “What you did was incredibly hurtful and I am working through the pain and shame that you caused. Please take a hard look at your character before you get involved with anyone else”. Then BLOCK.

    #773320 Reply

    tammy

    I can understand the need to have that last face to face meeting to know why. but that’s not gonna happen here. seems unlikely. since this was a long distance thing, I doubt it wld be easy for you to have a face to face meeting. and the way he behaved, it really doesn’t make much sense for you to travel all the way just to tell him hes such an a**e. I think what one of the posters said to pass on your message through a mutual friend makes sense. pls do not try to contact him again. you have to take his last message in august as closure. he behaved horribly. even if he wanted to break off all he had to do was let you know the problems hes facing and that he needs a break. ghosting on an old friend jlt is just not acceptable behaviour. its going to be hard but you have to try and let this go.

    I have a feeling he will be back. these type of men always come back. by that time hopefully his reasons wont matter to you. how can there be any kind of justification for this type of behaviour? you may not want to but I think u have to. give up on him, block him and move on. even if he wants to come back can you get back with someone who does this? cruel and cowardly behaviour. u may be hurting right now but its best he stays out of your life.

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