He chose his friend instead of me.

Home Forums Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice He chose his friend instead of me.

This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anna 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #738290 Reply


    We are in a LDR for 7 months, seeing eachother every month. This time he came here, and it was all great…while we were together he asked me to visit him on February, and he also said he has all weekends off. He left, few days later I started to check the flights already, and found out one of the weekends was quite okay, and actually the only weekend I could go to him. I told him the dates..and he said that his friend maybe wanted to visit him this weekend, but his friend didnt confirm it yet (his friend lives in the same country, not too far away). I told him that thats too bad, as I can’t go on another time..and I will go to a holidays in March so its hard to meet up..the flights on other weekends were superexpensive, so I just cant afford it. I told him that, and he said sth like ” but I also paid a lot to go to visit you” i said to him that I just cant afford it im sorry.. and maybe he can discuss with his friend to rechedule their meeting, as its easier to meet up with him.. he kind of didnt like this plan.. but promised me to discuss about it.. he didn’t reply for all day.. and in the eveniung when I asked him, if they talked.. he said well “he didn’t call me yet”. but why can’t he call him instead, i dunno. So I asked in the morning again.. he said.. still not. its so weird. and now we haven’t talked all day.. it seems like he doesn’t want me to go there.. it will be also a Valentines day..
    this struggle has been before as well, as he always kind of “ghosts away” when it comes to the topic of meeting up.. .

    #738292 Reply


    don’t please push him. you have told him already that this is the only wknd that is workable for you. he knows it. he knows if he doesn’t reschedule then you guys wont be able to see each other for a long time thereafter. you have already brought this up many times. now please let him revert on this. don’t push. if he is not responding on this that’s because he is figuring out what to do. maybe the specific date and plans with his friend was made before discussion with you. maybe its mot that easy for him to cancel those already made plans? please don’t make this an ego issue. his plans with his friend was made before you gave the same dates. its not like he decided to go with his friend instead of you. his plans with friend was made before you gave him the same dates. some times plans don’t go the way we want them to. happens. its not that he is choosing his friend over you. and if he cant get out of his prior commitment you need to understand. no doubt it will be disappointing but you have to accept it.

    #738294 Reply

    Better off single

    Maybe he doesn’t have any money to take you out on V-Day.

    This guy’s interest is very,very low.

    7 MO is not long enough to see who he really is especially if it’s long distance. He could be feeding you lines of bs and you would believe it because you don’t really know him.

    I was in an LDR for 5 years and hardly knew him. In total actual time him and I spent physically together was about 2 years and I still didn’t know a whole lot about him. I met his wonderful mom and his cool sister. I knew he had a brother and never met him. He had tons of friends he would tell me about (mostly female) that I never met. He claimed it was strictly platonic and a few were ex girlfriends. I believed him. I really loved him. Not sure it was much of a relationship though since I hardly ever saw him. It was more like a relationship with a voice on a phone.

    It wouldn’t be this hard. He would be more agreeable and compromise telling the friend he wants to see him another time because he would rather see you. Waiting on his friend to see if he is coming or not is him trying to blow you off and making you believe it’s your idea. Maybe the friend is actually another woman or a wife.

    Either way, I think you are wasting your time.

    #738299 Reply

    Anne ohio

    His friend is a woman.

    #738302 Reply


    I don’t think his friend is a woman, I know his best friend also, and he wanted to visit him. he answered me now.. and told that yeah its not about wanting to see him more than me..but he already took the days off for this weekend, and maybe he cant change it. I feel stupid now to be honest. and sad also.. but i try to understand..

    #738303 Reply


    “this has been a struggle before as well as he always kind of “ghosts away” when it comes to the topic of meeting up”

    Why on earth would you put up with an man who “ghost away” when you suggesting seeing each other? this is so ridiculously obvious to me that his interest is extremely low and you are not even close to being a priority to him. You need to let this one go… and reclaim some self respect instead of haranguing your “boyfriend” to see you once a month. Really… just stop this.

    #738307 Reply


    well he didn’t literally ghost me.. but just it was hard to communicate on those days when he knew I expected him to search the flights for example.
    When we meet, everything is fine..but just I think he don’t want to commit.

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