He cheated. Coping is hard.

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  jen 10 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #655256 Reply


    I met him a year and a half agoat a marathon. We instantly clicked and once the running was done sat at a bar and talked for hours. We exchanged numbers and for a good month spend hours just talking. We were both single. I was not dating, and he occasionally went on dates. Writhin three months he told me he met a girl who see me to be really into him but he didn’t feel the connection other than just sexually. Their thing lasted about three months. Our relationship was purely platonic with a lot of Ural understanding and what felt truly like a deep connection. We ended up spending NY eve together and that night one thing lead to another and we spend the night together blissfully. We settled into a couple very naturally and all seemed good for about 6months. Then i started getting the I don’t know what I want speaches. The I get scared when things get too serious, commitment scares me. Red flag for me right there I stepped back and told him to think about what he wants. He came back with fears but stating that he really wants us to be together and try. We carried on all summer went on holidays together with our respective families and even though he was sweet, attentive, caring, he would barely touch me. And a week ago voila slap in my face I get a fb message from last summer’s girl. They’ve slept together three times since June she says, he contacted her, she wants something serious he told her he didn’t know what he wants. She’s out but wanted to let me know what a two timer he was. I immediately confronted him. He denied nothing. He said he did contact her purely for sex he is sorry he loves me he panicked he got scared. Anyway I gathered my stuff left his key in the mailbox and walked away. We’ve exchanged a few messages since no deep conversation. I am not going back. I can not and do not want to but im hurting cause i keep trying to understand why. I know that I’ll never get an answer to this. And i know ultimately it has nothing to do with me really but i don’t know how to cope in a way that I don’t beat myself up. Any similar experiences and advice?

    #655271 Reply


    Maria, you said that you had talks about not knowing what you want. You do know that people with similar issues are drawn to each other?! If you don’t know what you want, how can he?
    Don’t be your worst enemy-do find out what you want from him, what kind of relationship you want (if any right now?).
    He is your mirror…:-)

    #655272 Reply


    So sorry that joker did this to you. I know its hard to get over but you will move on – reach out to your friends/family – take some time – do stuff you enjoy.

    #655275 Reply


    The second a man throws an “I’m scared” line on me I’m out the door. That is such BS I can’t believe women put up with it. Scared? Give me a break a full grown man is not “scared” he just wants casual and is too dishonest to say so.

    Consider this a blessing in disguise. You were in an exclusive relationship right? You just got a bad apple but do not put up with any guy who gives you the “I’m a scare little boy and I do not know what I want line”.

    #655404 Reply


    Ama thank you go your reply but you misunderstood my initial post. I never was confused about what I wanted. He was. And that’s why I walked away as soon as he initially started having doubts. He came back and I believed in him.

    Either way there is no point in recounting te past.

    Today i hate that I’m thinking that i wasnt good enough. It’s taking a toll on my self esteem and I just want to get past it cause parallel to that I feel like i don’t ever want to let a new man in so deep.

    I have never cheated and had never been cheated on until now so all this is affecting me profoundly.

    #655407 Reply


    It’s not that you were not good enough – he just didn’t know what to do with this amazing thing he had! Your only (possible) mistake was giving him another chance. But that is what many women would do, so don’t beat yourself up too much.

    What you can do now is learn. And grieve and heal. It takes time but you will get out stronger. Make sure you work on your self-esteem. You sound like a very wise woman and you deserve someone who will treat you better. Guys like that do exist and I am sure in time you will find the right one.

    #655412 Reply


    Oh Dear,
    I missread, didn’t see that you were the one getting the “I don’t know what I want” speaches.
    You saw the red flags early on and that is better then a lot of us here on this forum did with guys we met. That was very smart! Like Tina said, all you did was do what a good hearted person does and give someone a second chance.

    In my days I would spot the red flag and swat them away like flies. ;-) Very stupid! It took me longer to get to the point of where you now.
    I say stick with your goodhearted standards and listen to your gut feelings, smart woman!, because you are already very good in spotting the red flags. And as I said in another post here today: Karma will bite these men in the bum, believe me!

    #655426 Reply


    Sorry you’re going through this

    I’ve been cheated on too, it took me a year to get over it, the pain, the embarrassment, the bruised ego, I understand, it’s very difficult

    Keeping myself busy helps a bit but there will be times that even if you’re busy, you will remember your memories together and how he fool you so once again it will hurt

    Also, this person might try to get back with you again but please don’t. Block him on everything. You dodge the bullet

    Just take your time to heal, don’t rush, cry if you need to, I cried a lot. Surround yourself with friends and family

    I’m working in a different country so I visited my family and spend my time with them after that I travel a bit, and for me that helps a lot, I enjoyed it and met really good people along the journey

    Now, I’m dating again because I feel I’m ready to meet someone and I did, we just started dating but I will say I’m happy, happier actually

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