Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He brought up the "serious relationship" convo after months.But does he mean it?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years, 2 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Riri
Hello! Please join me in my emotional roller coaster. Belts on and let’s go!
6 months ago I started going out with this guy. At first I just wanted to have fun and possibly gave him the wrong impression. Later on I started having feelings. He on the other hand was very chill. From the first dates he explained to me he was not into texting so we only texted a few times the day.
2 months in,I decided to ask “where is this going, are we exlcusive,etc”.He said he needed time to think about it as he had many priorities like uni,basket etc. Somehow, the only thing I got from this convo was that if he hooks up with another girl he’ll let me know.
Ouch!
Then the lockdown strikes. During that time, he was texting back hardly ever.Of course I was annoyed so I stopped texting twice. The first time he checked up on me but nothing else changed.The second time after 5 days of non talking I gave in.His behavior had changed it was all fine so we decided to break the quarantine and meet. We had a small fight as he bailed last minute.I regreted overeacting and we met another time. Everything was great – boy had I missed him.
But after that, he ghosted. For 10 days.
During his ghosting phase,I was a mess.He on the other hand, was more online than ever:lots of stories, followed and spammed a bunch of girls etc. I cried my eyeballs out,yes,but then he came back like nothing happened. He said he was busy with uni and feeling down. I decided to give another chance so ever since everything was going good.I started feeling a bond growing, more intimate, more comfortable.
And there comes: the convo! We were at his car, after we hooked up.There was this comfortable-yet-not-so-comfortable silence after the passionate moments (i know you know). And so he goes:
“Remember that time you asked about us?Well, I’ve thought about it and I’m down for something more serious”.
(heart attack)
“It’s just that now that there’s the lockdown we don’t go on dates as much..”
(truth is we only hook up)
“and we don’t chat as much”.
(my heart melted because i thought aw he want to get to know me more..or is not?)
So i asked from now on what and he started mumbling:
“I don’t know there shouldn’t change something”
(so you still don’t want the label OR you are indicisive and you just want to let it flow as is?)
“As I promised I would’ve told you if I had hooked up with another girl and I havent”
“You know my friends were laughing at me, I’ve never been in a serious thing with anyone before”.
Sooo…WHAT IS GOING ON?
From that time, we didn’t text as much,his replies were slow again and I noticed he followed&spammed some girls and overall…I’m still confused whether he brought up this convo to keep me hooked on him or because he also started bonding and wants to get to know each other more before we put a label.
I don’t know if he’s just a player who wants to have some temporary fun with me or if he actually likes me and just takes thing extremely slow.
Any tips/ideas?Newbie
The thing with rollercoasters is it usually doesnt end well.
Look what this guy is doing to you emotionally? And it only happens because you let him. He ghosted a few times, he was busy woth other girls, he flaked, and what did you do? You decided to give the same guy who made you cry another chance when nothing significant has changed. You can see how countereffecive that is right when it comes to café for your own wellbeing.
Then you had this convo where he suddenly was down for more serious. Maybe he was in that moment but from what you are saying he went poof again, never formalised any talk about being bf/gf. So i think he is still flakey the flakey flake. And time for you to move on from him. Maybe he is a player, maybe he is not. But its not his job to look out for you, thats yours.Newbie
Sorry for the typo’s. Somehow this site is hopeless. Not café but care for
Maddie
While he probably does care about you, he’s not ready to show up as a decent boyfriend. If he was, you’d know because you wouldn’t be on an emotional roller coaster anymore. He’s already shown you that sticking around to date him right now will likely bring you more of the same as the last 6 months. You don’t need to be his guinea pig while he tries to figure out how to adult (or while he doesn’t actually try).
T from NY
I’m sorry you have feelings involved but I’m gonna tough love you – rollercoaster is right because this guys taking you for a ride. No. No and more no. You’ve shown him multiple times with your actions that you’re dtf, waiting around, while he does whatever, and whoever, he wants.
I guess the thing you learn with age (hopefully is) you love NO man, guy, dude, f-boy more than you love yourself. IF you’re cool with causal and fun and flakey by all means continue. If you want something real – he ain’t it.
Tallspicy
Where is your self respect?
Him: I want to be more serious.
You: What does that mean?
Him: It means I will tell you if I hook up with someone else.
You: sure, sounds good (skulks off more confused when he has not been into me anyhow in any real way)
Your inner you: Hard pass. Lose my number. Buhhhh bye. (Inside feels sad but great for not taking this bullhonkey)
Concerned
You would know if if is something more than fwb.
Even if you were official, he is not valuing you (through is actions) or investing, maybe he is just not in the right place to settle down.
You can learn from this and grow to value yourself more. The first step is walking away and raising your boundaries and standards.
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