He acts like he wants more but I know he doesn't


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #381166 Reply

    Corinne

    I’ve been seeing this guy for about three months. It was casual, which Im very good at. I know most girls say they’re easy going and not clingy, but really….I am as low maintenance as they come. I was fine with what we had. What I liked was that he meant what he said. I had done this before with guys who “didnt want anything serious” but after a few weeks they’d start acting differently. Texting me all the time, wanting to see me more. This guy didnt. We kept our interactions to strictly when we wanted to see each other. But now recently, he’s started saying things to me that make me nervous. The sort of deep stuff I really don’t want to hear since were only “casual”. I can keep my head above water in situations like these if they guy keeps his feelings in check, and now he’s being more open with how he feels about me. saying things a guy that “DOESNT want a relationship” probably shouldnt say. Not to mention he wants to see me a LOT more. While it’s nice hearing this, I’m scared. after getting to know him I know he’s someone I could fall for. And if he continues to say these sorts of things to me, I am going to fall for him. I can sense the shift in our casual relationship and I know he semses it too. Even the way we have sex has changed. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to end it, but
    I’ve been through this before, and I know it’s basically impossible that he would want an actual relationship with me now (right?). Besides ending this, what could I do? I know it’s stupid to ask if there’s anything I could do To get him to fall for me….but I’ll ask that too anyways

    #381170 Reply

    AH

    I think you should just keep playing it cool. It seems as if he is possibly becoming more interested in you, because you have been playing it so cool. Guys like that. The worst thing you could do now is over analyze the situation and drive yourself crazy with all the questions running through your head. I’m not really one for playing games, but I would start making myself a little less available to him. Tell him you already have plans for whatever day he wants to hang out, miss a few of his phone calls, take some time before responding to his texts. Pull back a little bit and see what he does and how he acts. I’m certain that if he is interested in a more serious relationship, he’s gonna do whatever he can to get your attention. If he starts to slowly fade away after you pull back, then he’s not really looking to make more out of your current relationship. Have you guys talked about exclusivity? Are you both seeing other people? But regardless, don’t get ahead of yourself. Keep looking at it from a casual standpoint until you know for sure how he feels about it.

    #381177 Reply

    Corinne

    That was a really great response, I appreciate the insight.

    Well initially we both were pretty adamant about a casual relationship. I know he’s seen one other person (that I know of) and I’ve been seeing multiple. More so to keep my mind off him than because I’m actually interested in anyone else. He said he’s a “shitty boyfriend”. He hates the person he becomes when hes in a relationship, and really isn’t looking for something serious. But I think he was surprised by how ok I was with this whole situation. He had done this type of thing with other girls and sooner, rather than later, they would start getting clingy and wanting more. And I haven’t done that once. Maybe once he realized I wouldn’t go stage five clinger on him, he started to open up more? Idunno. And to be honest, I think after getting to know me, he can’t really deny that were really good for each other. I know the proverbial “he hasn’t met anyone like me” saying is quite nauseating, but in this case it’s kind of true – hes even said it. But you’re right. I need to keep viewing things as casual until he states otherwise. I just don’t trust myself sometimes. I’m not worried about freaking out on him and demanding to be together or some crap like that, bc I won’t do that. I’ll just let all of this fester in my brain until I get so worked up I’ll just end it calmly without giving him a reason why, just to protect myself. I need to get myself in a good mind frame that when he does make this comments about me/us, I can keep my wits about me and not assume everything he says is more than it is. I just wish there was a way I could understand why he says all the things he does if he doesn’t want more.

    #381180 Reply

    Stefanie

    He may be accustomed to loonies and because you’re not you are getting more and more attractive. Stay centered. You’re fine with him or without him and you’re not attached to the outcome. VERY attractive.

    In some cases the gentleman doth protesteth too much, and this may be one of them. ;)

    #381182 Reply

    Corinne

    These responses are seriously the best. What I surprise to see such intelligent, insightful people on here. I felt stupid for writing a post asking for help because I don’t like to let myself think about these things so much and feel like such a crazy chick, even if it’s anonymous internet crazy haha. But your responses really made me feel better. Keep the advice comin’! :)

    #381183 Reply

    Stefanie

    This IS the place to work it all out without driving your family and friends around the bend, LOL. Never feel stupid to post here. I’ve only been here a short time and I’ve found very knowledgeable and supportive ladies here, and the occasional gent chips in too.

    #381185 Reply

    AH

    Corrine-

    You seem like a really cool girl, that any guy would be CRAZY to pass up!! Glad you are finding some insight to your frustrations!! This really is a great site! :) good luck to you and I hope you get the answers you need!

    #381196 Reply

    Corinne

    Thanks everyone :) your advice has really helped. I’ll just try to step back and see how he reacts. I know that you have to play the games but godddd I hate them lol. I hate that I have to “make him chase me” blah blah blah. I wish it was simpler. I’m just really bad at the game lol. I’ve always kept a cool head during a casual relationships like this one. The only times I get hopeful are when they guy starts giving me indicators that he may want more.

    #381222 Reply

    Flower

    Somewhere i read, that one of the stages prior to falling in love for guys is that they try to make you fall for them first, by saying thèse things, so you say them back and more. And only then they decide whether they take the plonge or not. So i wouldnt rejoice myself just yet. Stay grounded and in control. Hé could also be wandering how come you havent fallen yet, its a natural instinct. Be fun as always, and take the coments with a grain of salt, as hé could pull back soon after you have fallen and let it known..

    #756972 Reply

    Commitment phobia

    He says he’s a “s#itty boyfriend” and doesn’t like who he is in a relationship.

    I know exactly how he feels!

    He likes his freedom and lack of expectations.

    Meaning:

    If he wants to not do something he can do it in his time and on his own without the nagging, shaming, or criticizing.

    If he wants to spend time alone he can do it without having to worry a girlfriend and constantly reassure her.

    If he wants to hang with his friends and single women happen to be there he doesn’t have to worry about a jealous controlling partner

    He can focus on himself and keep the insecurities locked up.

    #758009 Reply

    Sarah

    Defo don’t come across in anyway clingy or needy.
    Take a lower level of interest than him and keep it light & casual.
    His past experiences have been girls trying to lock him down and he’s left, so you be the opposite. Guys dont like being locked down and they appreciate space and freedom.

    Keep an active social life away from him & do lots of fun things, even meet others. If he wants you, he will pursue you which it sounds like he is doing.

    #758013 Reply

    Veronica

    Well, this “pull back” philosophy might work for very young people but not for someone over 40.
    Being clingy and needy is not good at any age…period. But if an older guy senses disinterest, he will eventually leaves the relationship as it happened on numerous occasions to my friends or someone I knew. So if you are very young….go for it, if you are over 40….think about pulling back twice. You might lose him and never come back. A few men actually told me directly that they won’t chase a woman. She has to show the equal interest in order to keep them (men) in a relationship.

    #758017 Reply

    tammy

    old post

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