Having sex with roommate (old friend)

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  L 1 year ago.

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  • #750889 Reply



    So a month ago I just moved in with a friend that I’ve known for almost all my life and his family. Didn’t expect anything to come out of it. Sort of had a crush on him 8 years ago and apparently he had one on me as well but that was it. We grew apart for the last 2 years or so, but now we both live abroad in NY and it made sense to move in together.

    Last week we started having sex every night. We spend a lot of time together in the house, it’s a house where mostly everybody gets along and spends time together and they accepted me as one of their own. We have loads of fun all together.

    He told me that he’s not the brightest and he’ll end up hurting me so I should try and not put a lot of effort into this thing between us. I have no idea what it is, he hasn’t made it clear that we’re fwb or in a relationship.

    Yesterday he asked me out to go see a movie, we also plan on going on holiday together, but I know for a fact that he still communicates online with other women. And his family knows nothing about us. He takes good care of me, that I sleep enough, that I eat and sweet things like this. He’s a completely different person. He’s not the type to laugh hysterically all the time, he’s really the serious sarcastic type. And now he’s always smiling, always laughing at my jokes, always poking fun at me. I’m seeing him in a whole different light.

    What do you think this is? I’m sort of afraid of it ending badly, cause I love the house and I don’t want to move out anytime soon.

    #750892 Reply


    He already told you not to put energy into this so it isn’t much more than fwb. He is showing you by being active online that he is pursuing other female attention and companionship.

    The more attached you get, the more likely this will end badly with you being hurt and scrambling to find a new place to live.

    #750911 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Agree with Karen. It’s FWB, not a relationship, but going to the movies and going on holiday will blur the lines, and it could very well end badly. It sounds to me like he’s having his cake and eating it too– he’s getting all the benefits of a relationship, from what you describe, but without the commitment and responsibility.

    If you want to sleep with him, fine, but don’t get attached, don’t go out with him, don’t go on holiday with him. Treat him as a roommate that you happen to be f*cking. Easier said than done I know, but the path you two are on right now will lead to disaster. You’re already getting attached, and he’s talking to other women– at some point he’s going to start dating someone and will leave you in the dust.

    #750938 Reply


    What will you do when he brings another girl home?

    #750942 Reply


    If this were me I would cut this off right away.

    To be clear its an FWB and he is still out there meeting people.

    You are already thinking way too deeply about this and are bound to get hurt should this continue.

    If you want to keep the energy in the house civil stop this now. If you don’t it will get messy and even worse at some point he will bring someone home.

    Take a lesson from this, DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR ROOMMATE!!!!

    #750943 Reply


    Ugh, has no one ever told you not to sh*t where you eat?

    This is messy already- don’t date, don’t go on holiday with him. It’s super hard to start a relationship with someone you cohabit with, as you’ve got the drudgery of housework and bills etc before you’ve built any foundations together.

    #750965 Reply


    I don’t get modern womanhood, where no penis is off limits: friends, friends of relatives, roommates, etc. Absolutely no sexual self control! I hope you are using birth control and condoms, and that you have a backup place to reside when this turns ugly.

    #750998 Reply


    You have sex every night and his family living in the same house know nothing about it? Sounds like the whole family isn’t too bright! This is how in-breeding works.

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