Haven't heard from him in almost a week


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  • #357783 Reply
    SJ

    Hello all. Sorry for the length but I really need help. Thank you in advance for reading my story. I’d like to provide some background to help with my situation. I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 4 months. Not very long, I know, but he is my best friend. We have told each other we love each other (not in love – I do believe this takes time and experiences to develop) and I am always happy when I am with him. One thing about him is that he is in the Navy but we are both college students as well. So over the summer, I saw him for a week while he had leave (we are not from the same place so we could not see each other for long). The rest of the summer he has been busy with the Navy. Right now he is essentially sailing to Boston.
    Our relationship hasn’t been perfect this summer and I believe much of it is due to the distance, but he does not fail to tell me he loves me, misses me, send me nice and intimate messages, etc. He has texted me almost every day as well.
    On July 31st we were talking about how time was flying by and we were getting closer to seeing each other again when I made a joke about how my football team was going to beat his in the first game of the season. He got very defensive and said he was changing his mind about visiting me the first weekend available and he was instead going to party with other friends somewhere else because of this joke. I apologized and told him that it was not to be taken seriously seeing as how I don’t even care about football and I did not realize he was that defensive about his team. He told me after I asked him to forgive the poor joke to talk to him when I was done being a baby, but I was confused by his statement so we continued to talk. The next morning I did something neither of us had done in a while (due to timing and comfort in the relationship I suppose) and I wished him a good morning, being clear that I had been up for a while so I was not being obsessive. Didn’t get a response. 12 hours later I asked when he was leaving as his trip to Boston was starting the next day and he didn’t respond to that either. I haven’t heard from him but he has posted some pictures on Instagram and he has had time to go into the city, so he has had time to at least say hello, but he hasn’t. I am also good friends with his sister. She texted him once and he did not respond. She said she was not surprised.
    I am just really confused and hurt by his behavior. I know he is a lot busier than me so I have more time to think about it but these past few days have been terrible and I have been doing my best to distract myself. I have been on Instagram myself so I hope that has given him the idea that I don’t have to wait around for him. I’m looking for advice on what to do. There’s a lot more I could say but really I just want to talk to him and I miss him.

    #357789 Reply
    LM

    He sounds immature. Getting upset over a joke about football teams? You need to realize you’re amazing, a great catch and he should be so lucky to be with you.

    You deserve someone better who won’t use a joke as an excuse to cause drama or get upset.

    Start keeping yourself busy with your own likes, hobbies….go out with friends. Stop giving him so much attention and letting him know you’re waiting around for him.

    Good Luck.

    #357809 Reply
    CJH

    He is being a bit of a baby, but we all get that way every once in a while.

    Read the 10 things confident people do in a relationship to help give you a bit of a boost.

    Also back off and stop messaging him, keep doing what you are doing.

    Both of you are stressed and anxious it sounds like as the summer apart has been hard on both of you. Wait for him to calm down and see if he messages you after you just leave him alone. When guys get like this the best thing to do is to just back off. It goes against every instinct you have as a woman, but it was just a joke and you already apologized and there isn’t much more you can say.

    Don’t feel bad for making a joke, but read your thing on here and see what it says. You are worried about what he thinks of you and that needs to stop, you are a confident woman with a life and he can take you or leave you, but don’t keep mesaging him, let him realize his mistake and come back to you. If he doesn’t then there is more going on in his life that is upsetting him than just that joke.

    But sometimes small things can tip the scale to cause someone to lash out at someone they care about.

    #357953 Reply
    SJ

    Thank you both for the feedback. LM, I agree that he is immature. Not that every young man is immature at his age, but most of the guys I know at my age (20) have a tendency to act like children. He has moments of maturity, don’t get me wrong. But I have read a few articles on immature people in relationships since reading your reply and it definitely describes him. I don’t know if he got so upset to “assert his dominance” or to purposely make me upset so he would have an excuse to get away from me or what.
    CJH, my fear is that he will never respond and it kind of relates to that one sentence you wrote: “If he doesn’t then there is more going on in his life that is upsetting him than just that joke.” That’s what I’m afraid of.
    So today I sent a snapchat to a few friends and I guess I wasn’t paying attention and I accidentally included him as a recipient. I wasn’t expecting a response from anyone. He did open it. I guess that’s a good thing or maybe it doesn’t matter, idk.
    Part of me knows that he is an idiot for not seeing what other people see and for being a child about this but at the same time I still am confused, I hate not knowing what’s going on, and I want him to talk to me but I’m also afraid he’s not going to because it takes a lot for him to swallow his pride. At this point I want to talk to him so we can plan to meet and discuss this because it isn’t fair. I don’t even necessarily want to talk to him just because I want to talk to him.

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