This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sophia 6 months, 1 week ago.
January 9, 2018 at 11:24 pm #677889
So i met this guy on social media and became friends with him would share everything with him cause we became close after a year even though we lived 3 hours apart i met him like 3 times in the 6 years ive known him. i really started falling for him 2 year back so the whole of 6 years we have spoke i knew i had feelings for him but then i finally told him 2 years ago and he said he liked me back he had broken up with the girl he had been with for like 2 years or so. So i knew he was single and that is why i revealed my feelings he said he liked me too and it was mutual. After this i went to see him for the first time and it felt amazing but i wasnt throwing myself on him i was holding back we spent the day walking in city and shopping, dining and i went back home after that i we met twice and it was similar. He said he loved me and i said that too, i told him everything about myself but i couldnt get everything out of him for example i deleted my social media four years ago so did he but he created new one and i dont know what hes called on there. i dont know where exactly he works i just know what field he is in. i dont exactly know his home address either. He stood me up three times. Made plans and never showed up and one of the days was on valentines day when i went to his home town and he didnt answer his calls or texts and i waited in the shopping mall then train station, i was worried something had happened to him but he text the next day saying he had to be at home cause his mum wasnt well. After this i forgave him got over it and started speaking like normal. He made plans again four days ago said he would meet me on friday but he never told me where what time , i waited for a text i got nothing so i text him saying hes a horrible person for doing that because i am seeing him tomorrow and hes not sent me any details even though he knew i would be travelling to his hometown. after i sent the mean texting saying hes the worst, he replied saying i was looking forward to seeing u tomorrow. i felt stupid but didnt believe it and said more mean stuff like he always does that etc and he stopped speaking to me. after this i have apologised twice on text and hes not replied i called him 40 odd times and he didnt answer he hasnt spoke to me in 6 days now. what do i do i thought he was my soul mate and i was going to marry him.
January 9, 2018 at 11:32 pm #677890
hes always online on whatsapp, but never bothers replying to my apologies. he knows everything about me, ive poured my heart out to him and now hes doing this, before i told him i like him he use to speak to me 24hours of the day even though he had a girlfriend he would ask me for advice and tell me so many stories about his day his friends nights out etc. Now he barley finds the time i get that hes working alot of the time but how do i know that ? for all i know he could be married, i am not sure i use to trust him with my eyes closed but i have so many doubts now and that is only since hes started behaving strangley like not answering calls not replying to texts not showing up even though making plans himself. i dont know what to do, i really cant get over the whole situation. i want to know why hes been that way. why play with my feelings so much? why make plans? why tell me you like me? why waste all that time 6 years i thought maybe this would last forever. the amount of guys i avoided because i thought he would ask me to be his. he didnt even ask me to be in a relationship but kept telling me he loves me. i dont knoe what to do i feel a complete mess and scared to speak to men now.January 9, 2018 at 11:41 pm #677893
I’m sorry but to me it sounds like you have waisted 6 years, thinking about marrying a man that you hardly know. It sounds like he was just having fun chatting to someone online, probably really enjoyed that too, but you built a whole love story in your head. based on those illusions that you built in your head, you now act like you’re entitled, like he owes you meetings and dates, whereas he is clearly not that into it. calling him the worst simply because he hasn’t sent the details yet was also out of line (instead, you could have simply asked if he is still planing to see you and if so, to arrange the details). It seems to me that now he suddenly saw how far the illusion went in your head so he freaked out.
I’m sorry if this is harsh, I just thought you need some tough love, honey. Seriously, you saw him 3 times over 6 years and you thought that he is your soulmate and that you are getting married.January 9, 2018 at 11:49 pm #677894
“Have I wasted in 6 years?”
No. Nobody ever “wastes” time. I don’t like that expression.
You have lived 6 years, and in those 6 years, you had a romantic interest in someone unattainable. If you would like to seek romance that is attainable, I would stop pursuing this person and move on. He is not interested or a good match.January 9, 2018 at 11:51 pm #677895
Yes, you’ve wasted 6 years. This is not the way to get to know somebody and have a relationship.
You need to forget him and move on. You don’t even know him.
You have no reason to be afraid of speaking to men. You did everything wrong. It’s not “men” that are the problem, it’s you. I don’t know how you thought any of this with this man was real…here are some tips so you don’t do this again and waste more time.
1) Only date local men. No LDR.
2) Date men who you see regularly IN PERSON, not online.
3) Do not engage with men online, texting and messaging and doing social media stuff, except for the bare minimum if you must. Keep it in the real world.
4)If a man you’re seeing is not consistent, stop seeing him. If he stands you up once, stop seeing him. If he disappears for long stretches, stop seeing him. If he says he will do something and he doesn’t, stop seeing him.
5) Do not date men with girlfriends or wives. The fact that they would spend time with you online or in person when they’re in a committed relationship means they have no character. If you become the person they are committed to one day, they will treat you the same way.
I’m sure there is more that will help you improve your dating skills and help you find someone you can actually meet and fall in love with, but this is a start. If you do all these things you’ll be light years ahead of where you are now.
Don’t waste another 6 years.January 9, 2018 at 11:51 pm #677896
and yes, you are right, he may as well be married. I’m sorry, I don’t see this happening the way you planned. treat it as a life lesson.January 9, 2018 at 11:56 pm #677897
Are you afraid to have a real relationship? I am trying really hard to understand how you could be so invested in him when you saw him only 3 times in 6 years. That’s once every two years…it’s shocking.
So I wonder if you had some bad experiences and are avoiding something real? Or do you have a lack of experience and don’t know what to do?
I hope the tips above help. I feel like those are the baseline for dating in a real and healthy way.January 10, 2018 at 1:45 am #677904
Aida gave really good advice about how to find a relationship.
The reality of this situation is that this man has stood you up as many times as he’s met you! That’s outrageous and I’m amazed you ever forgave him. Even if his mother had died, he still could have let you know and a nice person would have.
He’s never bothered to visit you and, even though you’re only 3 hours from each other, you’ve only met 3 times ever. You don’t know where he lives or where he works, which I find strange after 6 years. How can you not find him on social media? Are you sure you know his real name even? You’re not sure if he’s in a relationship either. So you know very little about him do you?
Look at what you do know. He’s never made an effort to see you, he hasn’t been open about his life, he went behind his exes back to talk to you while he was with her so he’s no honest guy, he’s stood you up 3 times and he’s never made any effort to see you. Now, does that sound like a nice man and someone you could marry? You don’t even know where he lives!
How can you think he’s your soul mate when you don’t know him? Unfortunately, you’ve got yourself stuck in a romantic fantasy that seems to have little bearing on the reality of the situation or the reality of who he is.
Yes I’m afraid you’re wasting you’re time. That would have been clear to most people last February when he stood you up on Valentine’s Day. If you think about it, nothing’s changed or progressed since then in your relationship has it? If he genuinely wanted to be with you, it would have.
It’s time to stop chasing after a shady man who just wants to pass some time with you and find someone who wants an actual, real life relationship.January 10, 2018 at 8:46 am #677966
He sounds awesomeJanuary 10, 2018 at 11:01 am #677990
Obviously, you have no hope of getting a real boyfriend. Why else would you chase this dude, who has stood you up in such awful ways?
And you keep chasing him. Hello.January 10, 2018 at 2:02 pm #678038
I’m calling this a fake post..January 10, 2018 at 3:39 pm #678065
Does sound like it, Kathy, but so many do it’s hard to tell.January 12, 2018 at 9:31 pm #678569