This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by L 3 weeks, 2 days ago.
March 23, 2019 at 6:01 am #743755
So my now ex boyfriend of 4.5 months who is going through a divorce with an X who doesn’t want to divorce ( they have been separated for over a year now and he has had subsequent rebound relationships since then it seems… i was the first serious one. I felt him pull back 2 weeks ago just as the final part of the divorce was underway, he has a little boy and i know he was super stressed with finances and starting again. I gave him a bit of space but i noticed the distance more and more which i asked him about, he said everything was ok and we could meet the week we were both back from our trips and to keep messaging him ( seemed strange as he had been the one initiating always) . I didn’t i just stepped back, we got back and i knew something was up, got him to call me, and he said even though we had fun and an amazing time together, he just did not see a future with me, (after he had been telling me that he wanted me to meet his family and all these future plans.) he said he had high hopes and it was really sad. I agreed with him but I am very upset as to what the sudden change of heart was whether he just wants to have the single life or did he freak out, he made out to me that he was ready for a relationship. He wants to meet next week to give me my things, im just not sure if that is a good idea or no :(
I dont know if this was anything to do with me, or just him and his issues or the fact he is overwhelmed with the divorce moving forward. I am so shocked about his comment about not seeing a future as he is not yet divorced and finishing that chapter!March 23, 2019 at 6:23 am #743757
Cracks in the Crystal Ball
He hasn’t reached the acceptance stage of the divorce and getting his life in order is going to take time.
He said he does not see a future with you. Is he a psychic medium ?
Only he can change his mind about it.
There’s a saying about a bird:
If you set the bird free and he comes back it was meant to be… Or something like that.March 23, 2019 at 6:51 am #743760
You posted this before… He’s still married!March 23, 2019 at 10:41 am #743774
1. You were dating a legally married man (going through a divorce or not) so how serious did you really expect this to be? Most people aren’t looking to jump from a failed marriage right into a new serious relationship. Healing and getting your life together takes TIME.
2. The fact that he was attempting to break up by doing the Slow Fade, instead of sitting you down and being honest as soon as he knew he wanted out, speaks volumes about his character. You have dodged a bullet, whether you see it now or not.
3. Of COURSE he made it seem like he was interested in a serious long-term relationship. How else would he get sex and companionship from you/other women?March 23, 2019 at 11:03 am #743778
When I first started to date my now BF, he was 18 months into his divorce negotiation and had 2 what he called “pure physical” relationships.
When a man first divorces, he does not know what he wants for the next chapter, but he is very eager to “get back into the game” to have sex….so he will date, find a woman for stable sex for a few months and realize he does not like her that much … break up and single for a while… and repeat….
He will go thru this cycle a few times before he figure out what he wants ….
So you have been his “trial”….March 23, 2019 at 11:25 am #743781
No, it was not you..it’s him 100%
Time to move on Louisa
Lesson learnedMarch 24, 2019 at 7:38 am #743849
Thank you all so much. Truly appreciate the feedback. Lesson definitely learnt.
So when we spoke I said a friend could pick up my things as he lives quite far from me, he said that he could bring them to me this week easily or meet for a drink. I then text him afterwards saying that Monday or Tuesday would be better as I was away from Wed. He came back to me saying of course and he would let me know. Its Sunday and still nothing.. wait till tomorrow? I think i should get him to courier my things to my work..March 24, 2019 at 7:47 am #743850
don’t meet him for a drink. he is anyways not in the right frame of mind for a relationship. there cannot be anything with him for the present. move on.March 24, 2019 at 7:14 pm #743933
He messaged late saying he knew it was late but did tomorrow work? I said i had plans now and to courier my stuff to a co working space that i used to work at! Thank you all for the words of advice. SMarch 28, 2019 at 8:04 pm #744320
So just to update you… he dropped off my things at my workspace and messaged me 15 mins later letting me know that my things had been delivered safely and to let him know if anything was missing, I messaged back “ thx and yes”. That was that. I’m just having such a hard time with how cold it was… my own fault as I didn’t want to see him as didn’t see how it cld make things better… he had made a decision. I know I have to move on:(March 28, 2019 at 10:37 pm #744325
You will recover and will start over again… give it a little timeMarch 29, 2019 at 2:54 am #744330
It hurts so much when a relationship you thought was going into the future ends. So well done at not meeting for a drink as he suggested- that was just about him trying to feel better and he doesn’t deserve to. Let him feel bad- who cares. This is about you now. Keep your eyes forward nowMarch 29, 2019 at 11:20 am #744346
Thank you so much all for the support. Staying busy and moving forward. You are right it would have only been to make himself feel better about his crappy behaviour. LMarch 29, 2019 at 5:31 pm #744393
Ata girl LOL good for you, stay strong, it will get better in a few weeks.
We tend to seek relief from emotional pain IMMEDIATELY. And in the meantime do all sorts of stupid things that later hurt us even more. Learn how to be patient and endure, yes endure some pain. LOL this will not only prevent you from doing things you’d regret later but will also make you stronger.March 30, 2019 at 8:42 pm #744466
thank you so much Emma, i know its a process right now and it comes in waves of powering through it and then baffled thoughts of what exactly happened? I’m just so stunned at how quickly it 180’ed the other way after he was talking about how i was going to meet his family the week before, how we had lots of activities lined up to do, how we had months to watch all the films we were talking about watching, starting to throw the love word around, to all of a sudden distancing and then coming to the conclusion there was no future and it was sad and that he had high hopes :( I know.. I got involved with someone in the divorce process and it got complicated :( lesson learnt . Sorry to vent..staying strong! Thank you all.xxMarch 30, 2019 at 8:50 pm #744467
He’s still married and you think he was going to introduce you to family? Smh…