Guilt Tripping Boyfriend


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anne Ohio 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #750661 Reply

    Lilii

    So I am very very close to my family. A year ago we planned a vacation together as we do every year. Earlier this year I met my boyfriend and we fell hard. We are very in love.

    He knew I was going away and offered to stay at my house to house sit. I was into it.

    My parents thought it was way too soon for him to come with us since they didn’t know him. I agreed.

    Day one he was at work. He was very cute, checking in that I got there okay and being very loving but not smothering.

    Now day three, he is off work, he is smothering me. Seems annoyed and frustrated. Seems irritated when I can’t talk on the phone. Calling me when I am in the middle of stuff with my family and irritated if I have to go after a few minutes. If I don’t answer he calls me multiple times and seems mad when I don’t answer.

    I ask him if he is mad at me, he says no but acts strange. Keeps calling and texting just to talk about animals or our trip we have at the end of the summer. He’s annoying me and confusing me.

    At one point he tells me that “we need to talk” when I come home.

    I’m frustrated and confused. He wants to breakup?

    When I inquire more into it, he claims not break up, but he just thinks our trip later in the summer, to his childhood family vacation spot, just won’t be the same.

    We have to talk about this? And bring it up while I’m on vacation?

    I’m frustrated and at my wits end. My family can tell I’m stressed. They deserve my time and energy too.

    I don’t know what to do.

    #750676 Reply

    Fanny

    Hmm… sounds like he doesn’t mind much he’s ruining your holiday… I would confront him straight away and draw the line just there, here and now, before he turns the situation around and makes you the bad guy. Be firm because if you let that one slide, it won’t get better in the future. Good luck.

    #750677 Reply

    Avo

    I’d say talk to him once you’re back from your holiday.

    I’ve actually been in the position your boyfriend is in and this was due to multiple reasons:
    – Insecurity
    – I completely adored my boyfriend

    My boyfriend then had an avoidant personality so when I got closer to him he would pull away which made things worse.

    There is only 1 thing you can slightly help him with here and that is to ease his insecurity and show that you do care about him and do like him as much as he does. Sometimes that reassurance can make all the difference. That was all I needed, and right now I’m in a good relationship where my boyfriend does not make me feel insecure.

    I also agree that having boundaries is good. You should make it clear to him that you still love him but you can’t text him all the time while on holiday with your family. Maybe he thinks that you don’t mind his texts and calls.

    I hope you both can work it out!

    #750682 Reply

    L

    And this is a man you entrusted taking care of your house?

    #750683 Reply

    Jessica

    This doesn’t sound like a very good situation. Not sure if he’s controlling, insecure, or what it is, but not good whatever it is. I would tell him that you don’t have good service and you will try to call him later. Then I would put your phone on airplane mode the rest of the trip and enjoy the time with your family. I promise you that you will 100% regret the memories you are NOT making with your family because of this. Take all the photos you want and then some more with your family because you truly do not know when they will be gone. Cherish these moments and if this guy loves you, he will understand that FAMILY comes first. If he doesn’t then he needs to hit the road.

    #750689 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    You didn’t need a house sitter unless you have pets. That would be a pet sitter. You wanted him to stay because it would be a more connection between you. Ok.

    Now you see the real person he is. He can’t empathize and understand your situation. He needs to harass you because his weak little mind can’t function as an adult.

    The we need to talk when you get back means hes going to pick a big fight to put you in line. To reprimand you for his mental problems. To let you know that you are responsible for his feeling normal and tell you that you have failed.

    Its called narcissism.

    Watch out, he may turn spiteful. Hes not acting like a normal healthy man.

    If you allow him, he will have you begging his forgiveness, promising to do better, walking on eggshells so as not to upset him.

    Don’t believe me? Try explaining yourself in a reasonable manner, and watch him take your words and twist them and refuse to see reason.

    #750688 Reply

    Raven

    This is the other side of the story we mostly get here…

    How long have you 2 been dating?
    Has he been this needy previously?

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