Going through a weird breakup. Do I let go or try to get her back?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  L 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #757073 Reply


    Long story but I need to explain it all to get the best advice. Was dating this girl for a little over two months. Things were going very well. Got along great. Texted all day, every day. Hung out a couple times per week. We never had the “what are we?” talk but we were very much boyfriend-girlfriend without the official label. In mid-may, she said she wanted a break from consistently hanging out multiple times per week bc of her adding a second job and us not living too close. We did try to hang out during that time but didn’t work out.

    Fast forward about a month, I got a new place and we were living closer. She was more settled in so I asked if we can start hanging again and she dropped on me that we should stop seeing each other because she’s still not over an ex and doesn’t want to involve anyone else in her life romantically for awhile and be in another serious relationship yet. This surprised me because while we were dating she seemed to very much be relationshipy. Really felt like she strung me along for awhile giving me all the signs that she wanted things to get serious eventually, I was pretty blindsided. Said she likes me and cares about me and wants me in her life but understood if that wasn’t right for me. Told me she didn’t want anyone in her life romantically including sex and hook ups, so “friends with benefits” was off the table. She knew I had feelings for her and didn’t want to string me along and get my feelings more involved while hers weren’t available right now. I was definitely hurt but understood and said I wanted to stay in each other’s lives. I appreciated her honesty.

    So we kept texting. She was still texting me a lot and I was returning the favor. We’d go a few days without texting but a couple of weeks ago, it ramped it up again, telling me everything about her day. We were texting like we were still dating. We had tried to hang out as friends during this period but couldn’t because she was “busy.” But she started to ask more again about hanging out, to the point where she was basically saying to get late night food by me and then asking to stay over here one night. She was clearly drunk though so I wasn’t pursuing and I think she came to her senses and said to hang out another day.

    We ended up being in the same beach town for the 4th. She was texting me all day to meet up but I was with my friends and didn’t want to leave them. I told her what bar I’m going to at night and she said she was gonna be there too. I get there and the phone service is bad but she had told me earlier that the friends she went with left but she ran into a guy friend she met once so was hanging with him and his friends. I run into them. The 3 of us hang for awhile and it’s a little awkward but fine. She goes to the bathroom and he asks what our deal is, I explain it and he says how it’s weird she’s handling the situation with us both there. I agreed. He mentioned that they had made out earlier. I was annoyed but not at him at all. She gets back from bathroom and that kid left because he didn’t want to get in the middle of the awkwardness. I said something about them making out and was showing my annoyance a bit. She tried to play it off as meaning nothing and then eventually said she has had sex with one guy since me but it was a drunk hook up that meant nothing and she felt awful afterwards. Said she wanted to see if she could get those intimate feelings again and she couldn’t. Mentioned that I still mean a lot to her but she has this weird intimate thing right now.

    So I got pretty mad and said how it was bull for her to end things because she doesn’t want anything romantic but then went and had sex with another guy very shortly after. And how I felt disrespected that she’d text me to meet up at this bar and then when I get there she’s kissing another dude. I get she’s single and it’s not cheating but I didn’t need to hear about it so soon. I just felt so disrespected that earlier in the week she’s sending me all these mixed signals, then comes to the bar she knows I’m gonna be at and wanted to meet up at, but still made out with another dude before I got there. We had a fight that continued over text the next day. I told her why that stuff made me feel betrayed a bit. And that I felt like she was always too busy to see me but had no problem texting me 24/7 about her life. Plus with the almost drunk hook up we had, I felt a lot of mixed signals. I unloaded all that and she said she didn’t feel like she wronged me at all and that I didn’t need to keep texting her if it felt wrong.

    I reached back out a couple days later to apologize if I overreacted but I said how she had to get why it was tough for me to hear about her with other guys so soon, especially one I met at the bar she knew I was coming to. She was kind of short of me and apologized for how things went down. I suggested we take some time off of talking and trying to hang out as friends and she said “that’s fine. Do what you need.” That was 8 days ago. We haven’t talked since then. But I know she’s still very much looking at my Instagram, viewing my stories within minutes. And I’m doing the same.

    I’m 23 and this is my first real heartbreak. Not to be shallow, but she is unbelievably attractive, like a legit 9 or 10. And I’m below average looking but have gotten with attractive girls before just none like her. But my feelings for her were way more than that because she was super cool too. I liked her for way more than her looks. I just feel like I’ll never find another girl like her that I’m both physically and emotionally attracted to this way, which is making this even harder. We had a genuine connection and I could maybe see us being friends when feelings blow over, but I don’t know if that’s right.

    What I want to know is this. Do you guys think I overreacted to the situation? Should I try to keep her in my life as a friend eventually? How long should I keep No Contact up? Do you think there’s any chance we get back together? How?

    #757079 Reply

    Troll tears

    NO!!! Please don’t do this to yourself. This girl does not care for you at all. Not as a friend nor in a romantic way. She is using you as an emotional crutch and an ego boost!!!
    Do yourself a favour and stay away from her ( block her if you must). Don’t respond to any texts from her ( especially not ones where she wants to discuss her life and her life only), don’t meet up with her and don’t fall for any of her excuses why she can’t be with you right now…..they are all BS. Not only does she not care for you, she is also super disrespectful to you. Don’t be her doormat. There are other attractive and cool girls out there.
    Go find yourself someone who loves you and wants to be with you!

    #757080 Reply


    I’ll be honest, I did not realize this was an all women’s forum when I posted this. My bad. Still appreciate any advice but understand if I came to the wrong spot

    #757084 Reply

    Troll tears

    It isn’t a women only forum. Only most posters are women….doesn’t mean you can’t post as a man. And my advice is as before: Move on, she doesn’t care about you! She is using you as an emotional crutch + ego boost! Don’t be a doormat, you deserve more.

    #757091 Reply


    You went to the front page of Anewmode and Didn’t bother to see that all the articles are geared for women. You aren’t even smart enough to google and your long story was longer than two months of dating. Where are all these made up posts coming from Stephen?

    #757092 Reply


    Can always tell when Stephen makes up threads because the entire content is geared at making a woman look bad.

    #757093 Reply


    Meanwhile Omg, you are here making women look good? Hahaha too funny

    #757094 Reply


    At least I don’t make up fake threads and stories.

    #757098 Reply


    I prefer the possibly fake stories because you can chose not to respond or chuckle. If its fake i think the chance that its women creating them instead of the 2 men that post here on a regular basis is way way highter

    #757111 Reply


    When I see an adult use the term gonna? You aren’t worth reading.

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