Give me 1 good reason why I shouldn’t text him first.


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This topic contains 24 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lagertha 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #740200 Reply

    Kino

    We met each other for the first time about 2 months ago.
    We’ve only been on dates/ hang out 4 times.
    We kissed.
    He doesn’t text everyday, most likely only to make plans.
    Last week he had business trips for 5 days, and yet didnt text at all during the weekend.
    Before going, he said he would like to meet me this week.
    I want to text him first, but I know the obvious answer is NO.
    Can I just ask him how his day was?

    #740201 Reply

    girlnextdoor

    Let him initiate if you want this to turn into anything big and substantial.

    He is not your boyfriend yet so give him the space to initiate everything.

    #740202 Reply

    Any s

    His lack of interest should be a turn off to you. Instead you are wanting to pursue him. Do
    You see the flaw in your plan ? X

    #740204 Reply

    Lurker

    If you text him first and he responds you’ll never know if he’s just polite or actually into you.

    When you let them lead you know exactly where you are in their priorities.

    #740205 Reply

    Hello

    One good reason: because you really aren’t asking about his day, you being very obvious and attempting to prompt him into confirming a date. Do you really think if he was that into you that he would forget who you are or if he wants to see you?

    #740207 Reply

    Yupi

    Missing him will slowly pass, no matter how difficult it may be. Texting him when you miss him, though, will only make you miss him more.

    #740209 Reply

    Beast of burden

    The obvious answer is not no. When you have something to say then say it. Wait for a response. If he doesn’t respond he’s busy and will prob get back to you later that day. If it takes 2 or 3 days, he has very low interest and you’re not on his mind at all.

    Excessive texting like every hour on the hour or all day is a no. If you’re afraid to text him because you think he will pull back or stop talking to you then this is probably not the guy for you.

    #740212 Reply

    Zoe

    All my boyfriends who were into me texted me every day. He is a very low interest. You cant make somebody to like you by texting him. Move on

    #740217 Reply

    kaye

    He’s only taken you out or hung out with you 4 times in 2 months. That alone shows very low interest. Then it sounds like he didn’t text you for a week..his 5 day business trip plus you didn’t hear from him over the weekend. If I was “sseing” a guy and I didn’t hear from him for a whole week I consider it over.

    A guy who was really interested in you should be worried you are seeing others while he’s gone and be trying to keep your interest. This guy is not. It appears to me he’s probably seeing another girl and you’re the one he’s keeping on the back burner just in case it doesn’t work out with her. Now does that make you want to text him still?

    #740218 Reply

    Tiffany

    Ugh I’m probably the only one who will say this to you… but who cares!!! Text him! Me and my boyfriend text maybe twice a week! He’s very busy like your dude, don’t be overly annoying. Be like hey hope your weekend is going good, I was wondering if you want to see this movie”.

    Men don’t like to text all that much if I’m being honest.. I’m my experience and it never had to do with low interest of any sort. But everybody is different. Just text him he care free! I don’t understand the BS “he’s not showing interest”.

    Text him hun you’ll be fine, if he doesn’t reply then there is your answer!

    #740219 Reply

    Lane

    Tiffany, there’s a stark difference between a man who’s trying to ‘wooo a lady’ (gain and keep her attention) and one who’s showing minimal interest. Dating for many guys today is just something they do to ‘kill time’ when they have the urge to go out but don’t have anyone to go with, so they ring a lady up (like the OP), they have a nice night out and then he goes back to being Mr. Bachelor.

    Sure, she can text him, he can politely text her back and even set another date up but it doesn’t mean he wants anything more than what’s he’s been doing with her thus far and her sending out a text isn’t going to suddenly make him jump up and say “wow, she’s the one!”

    The major problem with dating today is that woman are so wrapped up in scoring ‘a date’ and receiving ‘a text’ that they aren’t looking to see if the man is actually trying to COURT her. Courting and dating are two different animals; whereas a man can take a lady on ‘a date’ for the sole purpose of just enjoying her company and nothing more; however a man who is falling in love will want to consume ALL her ‘date nights’ so another guy doesn’t have the chance to do so, like the OP’s guy.

    In a nutshell, when you’ve been properly ‘courted’ you wouldn’t give a lackluster ‘dater’ any attention unless you were bored and had nothing to do that night either lol

    #740222 Reply

    Khadija

    I echo the other ladies that this guy has low interest in you.
    The problem with you texting is, its not about asking how his day is. You are trying to get his attention and hopefully get a date with him.

    Let’s be real about that.

    I’d say don’t text him and start opening up your options. He probably out there talking to other ladies and you might hear from him if something doesn’t pan out.

    Do you really want that?

    #740224 Reply

    Anne ohio

    Texting how was your day is the same as saying please pay some attention to me. At least be honest and text I’ve been waiting and hoping to hear from you so I know you are as interested in me as I am in you

    #740232 Reply

    Lonnie

    Dont text him. Sounds to me you are starting to get a bit overly invested & obsessed with this guy. Do other things with your time- hobbies, friends, work.

    Embrace the attitude that he is just a casual option right now. If the guy follows up with regular communication by initiating stuff, then mirror his actions. Otherwise, please take your focus elsewhere.

    #740237 Reply

    June

    I’m also in the same boat. I thanked him after a great date and he replied very positively. And then silence. I don’t know if I should text him ?

    #740241 Reply

    Julee

    If you have to ask if you should do something, if it isn’t crystal clear the answer is yes, then the answer is no.

    Be honest. You’re not texting him to find out how his day was. You’re prompting him to make plans with you. The real question is, do you want to be with someone who steps up and asks you out because he wants to see you, or with someone who you have to poke and prod and remind that you’re there waiting on him?

    @June. Don’t do it. If a man wants to see you again, he’ll contact you. It’s only one date. You shouldn’t be that sold or hooked on him that you’re so desperate to see him again that you chase him.

    #740260 Reply

    Kino

    Hi everyone, thanks for the input. Now I will put the phone down and see if he’s going to initiate.

    Tiffany, I had this thought once or twice. I honestly thought to myself, what harm can one text message do? I got a moment of joy when he texted back. But what everyone says here is true, I didn’t know if he was being polite or he was really interested in talking to me. And after a while, I was back to square one: waiting for his texts again.

    Now, many of you say that I’m prompting him to make plans with him by texting him. Well, it’s a yes and no. Yes because I secretly hope by connecting with me, he somehow remembers his sort of promise last week. No because I secretly miss him and genuinely just want to talk to him. I know I don’t know him long enough, but there’s something about him that got me hooked.

    However, by now there’s still no text from him. And this should be my answer already. :(

    New question: what if by the end of this week, he suddenly texts me out of the blue?

    #740261 Reply

    Hello

    If you don’t hear from him by the end of the week, it’s up to you. But if he really wants to see you he would ‘remember ‘ you and reach out first. 4 dates in two months is really low interest as already stated.
    You needing to remind him he promised a date is even lower interest. I think he just fits you in when he wants a night out with a woman. He isn’t activelt pursuing you at all.

    #740269 Reply

    Emma

    So whilst EVERYONE except Tiffany told you not to text him, you of course texted. And then? you experienced what everyone told you. You don’t know where you stand with him.

    You can dive in denial all you want, but the truth is, the main indicator of a man’s interest is how often he contacts you.

    “Missing him” is going to make you look needy and desperate. LOL you don’t know him well, you are not very close, what are oyu <issign” exactly? It would show that you have no other options.

    If he out of the blue texts you (dreaming here), then I am sure you are not going to listen to any of the advice here and would run to him like a puppy.

    If a guy is baiting you with a promise of a date and then don’t even follow up, geez, don’t you have any sense of pride?

    If he contacts you a week later, show him your back please! Do not reply for a few days, and then say “oh so sorry I meant to text you but got wrapped up in things. how are you anyway, how is life treating you”. …type of thing. This would show him YOUR level of interest. He would see it as being LOW, and this is where it should be.

    One reason why not to text him is your sense of worth. Sense of dignity and self value. If a man is interested, he will contact you. They are not idiots, not shy, not retards who forget things, they are shopping around and deciding WHOM to contact, and if you show low value byu going after him he will be flattered but this will not make him fall for you. Challenge and competition is what makes men fall for women.

    At the very least, if you are reaching out to him, then do not use those cliches “how was your day”. What is he supposed to say to this? tell you what he ate for breakfast? this is boring and can be quite annoying actually.

    #740271 Reply

    Anony

    Emma telling it like it is LOL

    #740272 Reply

    Lane

    Kito, you’re not looking at the BIG PICTURE, only a couple pieces of a 250 piece puzzle. Bottom line, there has to be the “IT” factor for it to progress. What is the “IT” factor? You may never know what IT is but it’s something you possess that draws a man to you like a moth to a flame. It could be the way you talk, laugh, smile or look at him that makes butteries erupt in his stomach. There is something about YOU that drives him to constantly think about and want to be near you and here’s the kicker…you need to do NOTHING but be yourself!

    It has NOTHING to do with a text! If you don’t possess IT you can text zero, once, three or 10 ttimes and it’s not going to change his feelings towards you…if anything you will chase him way which is a good idea if you wan to weed out the ‘time wasters’ haha.

    To put it bluntly, this guy sees you as someone he can shoot a text out knowing you will be available on the nights he feels bored or lonely, no differently than he would text a buddy to see if he’s a available to hang out. He likes hanging out with you but that’s all it is and will end when:: 1) you want more than he’s offering (an occasional date); or 2) he knows his time limit is coming up ( when a woman stars showing interest) and will find someone else to your fill your date spot.

    I highly suggest you stop seeing him OR change your mentality and think of him as ‘an acquaintance’ and enjoy a free night out only if you don’t have better plans for that evening until it ends. Do not, and I repeat do not sleep with him or you will be riding the oxytocin crazy train and end up in a terrible emotional wreck. I know it sucks but this is LIFE and its on you to set higher standards with men you ‘date’ and if they aren’t properly courting you then disengage from the time wasters/time keepers (these kind of guys).

    #740329 Reply

    anon

    “Challenge and competition is what makes men fall for women.”

    I don’t think this is necessarily true. I don’t think men fall in love with women because they play hard to get. If a guy isn’t interested, ignoring him or playing hard to get won’t be any more effective than chasing him. It might be a fun challenge for a player or guy who is into games though, but its not love and it all ends the same. What you have is a marginally interested man who is making zero effort. You could text him first and maybe it prompts another date and maybe it motivates him to step it up. But it’s likely to just lead to another date that ends with him ignoring you until the next time he is bored.

    If a guy likes you, he doesn’t let himself fall off of your radar. Even if he is very busy, he reaches out and makes plans. I do think it can be hard to schedule dates for very busy men, but even if they are very busy, they text, call and plan. They don’t want another man moving in.

    #740333 Reply

    Jan

    Men need the right chemistry and space between you that is his job to fill in. If you are always filling the space, he’s left without his job to do and he will go find a woman who lets him have that job. You have to understand how men think and perceive, it’s a lot different than women.

    #740410 Reply

    Melissa

    Please don’t text him. Because if he responds, yes it will be a brief moment of joy. But deep down you know he doesn’t genuinely care about you. If he does, he would have already reached out to you by now. Being strung along isn’t fair and you deserve better.

    #740418 Reply

    Lagertha

    Here’s a very damn good reason: you are worth more than short late night texts (or whenever he’s bored texts) and half interested conversations.

    Here’s another very damn good reason: you are worth more than vague compliments and empty promises. He should be true to his words, and if he’s not: thank you, next!

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