This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Phillygirl 11 months, 1 week ago.
August 13, 2018 at 7:22 pm #716927
I met this girl at my last job and we hit it off straight away but she had a long term boyfriend of 5 years so nothing every happened.
Fast forward a few months later and were both in new jobs and she’s single so we went out on a date.
We’ve now being out a few times and met each other’s parents but haven’t slept together yet.
My concern is that she told me that when she was traveling around Europe in 2017 she cheated on her now ex boyfriend by sleeping with four other guys across 4 months.
There relationship wasn’t great and he was ignoring her a lot whilst she was traveling. It just really shook me because she doesn’t give off that impression that she’s like that. She seemed to regret it and I’m the only person she has ever told.
My question is should I stop dating her because of this is the phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” accurate or is the fact she hasn’t hid this from me a good sign that she regrets doing it and whilst wrong it was just down to a failed relationship they couldn’t let go off.
Thanks for your help!August 13, 2018 at 7:56 pm #716930
You even have to ask …?August 13, 2018 at 9:12 pm #716933
4 guys.. That’s a lot. I’m not trying to be judgmental, but she could have broken up after the first one..August 13, 2018 at 9:35 pm #716934
Please tell me you are only 16 years old…August 14, 2018 at 12:00 am #716945
Better off single
He was ignoring her so she kept him on the side as a fall back when the attention from other men stopped. Traveling makes you feel free and independent. It’s perfect for something casual and no ties. She knew what she was doing or she is highly insecure.
The phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” is for a person who never learns their lesson. It obviously does not bother them when they do it, have never been cheated on themselves, or Lack compassion and only care about themself. It has nothing to do with a lack of self control. It’s selfish desire.
If she’s learned her lesson and you don’t ignore her, I see no harm in continuing to pursue her.
I would have doubts too. Good luck.August 14, 2018 at 7:11 am #716958
I must admit I cheated on my ex boyfriend in a past several times. But I was young, stupid and didn’t know any better way of dealing with my bad relationship. If I had the knowledge and maturity I have now I would act differently.
I never cheated on my now boyfriend of 2,5 years. I don’t intend to. I learned about myself and I am very committed to solving my issues differently this time. Will I ever cheat again? I don’t know, no one can predict future. But I believe I learned my lesson.
I hope this is of any help. And also consider that there is never a 100% guarantee that someone will not be cheating on you even if they’ve never done it before.August 14, 2018 at 11:00 am #716989
“My concern is that she told me that when she was traveling around Europe in 2017 she cheated on her now ex boyfriend by sleeping with four other guys across 4 months.”
I’d give her points for honesty.August 14, 2018 at 11:29 am #716996
I’d give her points for stupidity… yeah I’m a guy and want to date a woman who admits she had four guys in four months?August 14, 2018 at 11:59 am #717004
I’m curious about WHY she has been so open and up front about this – what does she stand to gain by telling you she essentially acted like a tart while in Europe? Especially when you two are still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase and haven’t become intimate yourselves yet.
Either you’re being ‘litmus tested’ – she’s seeing if you accept her at her worst as well as at her best, which means she may be considering you to be serious long-term potential – or she’s feeling out just how much she can get away with in your presence because she hasn’t grown up yet.
Can’t tell which of the two it is based on the info you’ve given us, but either way you’ve got some serious thinking to do.
(For the record, NO ONE is going to admit that they cheated on an ex and then not blame the ex for it. Cheaters always blame the partner – they didn’t get enough affection or attention, partner was distant, relationship was ‘bad’, etc. Take it with a serious grain of salt.)August 14, 2018 at 2:14 pm #717019
I have cheated on my ex too and I do not blame it on him. It was not a good realtionship (even before the cheating), but I was as responsible for making it such as he was.
I also don’t think that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I have not cheated on my current partner and I strongly believe that I will not cheat on anyone, ever again. Mostly because my affair was the worst period of my life. The guilt and the confusion were too overwhelming, and it took me ages to get some balance back in my life afterwards.
My concern about this girl would be rather with “4 men in 4 months” (while still being in a relationship with the 5th). This is just promiscuous. (In my case it was just one man. Also, I told my ex the truth about the cheating and I broke up with him.)
You can give it a shot, but proceed with caution. What really matters is how your relationship is, and how she treats you, not what she’s done in the past.August 14, 2018 at 2:26 pm #717021
People usually show us who they are, if we are willing to pay attention. Do people make mistakes, and learn from them? Yes, but not always.
Do people make different decisions in the future based from what they learned? Sometimes.
Here are the things I look for to determine if someone has learned from their past:
-Do they accept FULL responsibility for their decisions without blaming someone else?
-Do they acknowledge their behavior was their choice and their’s alone?
-Have they recognized there is a better way to handle the situation in the future, and live their life in a way that currently reflects that (showing maturity, better judgment, and integrity)?
If all 3 of the above are not apparent, I do not believe someone has a changed nature.
If someone has a bunch of excuses for why they behaved in way I consider unacceptable (and cheating is definitely on that list) then I consider that a GIANT red flag.
I’d be very careful with this one. I do not think she sounds like a good prospect, at all.