This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Better off single 4 months ago.
March 18, 2019 at 10:41 am #743233
I’m feeling miserable right now.
My narcissistic ex and I broke up two months ago. I left him because after three years of being in a committed relationship, he decided that he wanted to make our relationship open.
I was not open to this, and I walked away from him. He did not take it kindly and he didn’t understand why I was close-minded and wouldn’t continue to have sex with him.
Anyway, even thought it was difficult, I went no contact. In the third week, he reached out to me saying he missed me and wanted to hang out with his best friend, me. I ignored the email and didn’t respond because I needed time to heal.
So anyway, it’s been two months and I felt emotionally ready to contact my ex and ask for personal things that I left in his house. I called him but he seemingly ignored my calls. So I opted to text him. I told him I was kindly requesting to get my items back and I’d appreciate it if he could arrange for me to get them.
He’s ignored my messages too. And he’s now making fun of me contacting him on social media.
I had hoped that this would go down well. That we’d be civil. And I’d get my things back.
I’m not planning to contact him again, but I feel awful that he’d react that way. These are my things and I took time off to only ask when I was emotionally ready to contact him civilly. 😕March 18, 2019 at 11:07 am #743235
I think you have to ask your self what your true motives were when texting for the return of your items? I know that in the past I would text ex’s for ‘valid’ reasons, but in reality I had an ulterior motive; to see them, resume communication, or even just validation they still cared. Once I recognized I was doing this, I would ask my self if it was actually reason enough to contact them. And it wasn’t. One of my ex’s asked if he could come over to get his things and in response I sent him the tracking number to the package. He throw a huge fit about it. I’m sure whatever items you left at his place are replaceable especially since you went 8 weeks with out them. I think its in your absolute best interest to cut off any contact from him. He will always be a narcissist and you are very close to failing back into being that co-dependent that they narcissists prey on.March 18, 2019 at 11:10 am #743237
How important is what you left with him? If there is anything of value or family importance, I’d contact the police and see what you can do.
Otherwise, just let it go. It sucks, but you may just need to write it off as a lost.March 18, 2019 at 11:13 am #743238
I don’t know what the ‘legal’ time limit is on retrieving personal items. If you were living together and you moved out, I think it’s 30 days. He is apparently still sore about the whole thing and is putting you in SOL mode. If the items were that important to you, you probably should’ve taken them when you left….he may not let you back in or even send them back to you. If he’s not giving in, you may have to take him to small claims court.March 18, 2019 at 12:21 pm #743246
He’s a narcissist, what did you expect?
Count your things as a loss…March 18, 2019 at 5:52 pm #743282
I agree with those who think that “things” are an excuse for you to talk to him or see him. It would appear this way to everyone on the outside, and that’s why he is victorious.
I don’t know how you find men who post things like that on social media…
If nothing from your things are expensive, then forget about them.
You feel miserable because your ego is hurt, you had an upper hand when you ended things with him, you ignored his attempt to contact you. You now have some idea of how he felt at the time.
You should have said, you are not ready to meet and asked him to drop off your things, and wished him well. This would have been a more decent thing to do, and he would not be too offended by you.
But now, he is having his little revenge. Duh!March 18, 2019 at 6:09 pm #743283
I don’t blame her for handling it this way and I don’t know why everyone’s jumping to the conclusion she just wants contact again. I think she just wants her stuff back, which she has a right to.
Think of how painful that would be after all that time, to suddenly have someone say they want to have sex with others. I’d need to cut contact to keep my sanity as well.
Unfortunately this is how it goes with narcs. You ignored him, so now he’s going to make you pay. I don’t think there’s anything you could have done differently, he would have found a way to play games with you.
Go buy yourself new stuff and put him behind you forever. So sorry this happened to you.March 18, 2019 at 8:51 pm #743304
I agree with the poster who said that once you abandon things for a period of time, the person in possession can toss them. That’s legal. I understand you were hurt, and at the same time if these things were so valuable I would have secured them immediately. This guy can’t be trusted as you have seen.
This is going to be a lesson I just letting go, unless there is some legal loop that would help you obtain them with that level of support.
He’s still playing with you, unfortunately. And my guess is that he’s been in an open relaitonship on his end the full 3 years you were with him. He didn’t just wake up one day and decide. He wants to rationalize his cheating ways. Think on that and keep moving forward and away from him. He should not even be on your social media.March 18, 2019 at 10:06 pm #743310
If someone realizes they’re a narcissist could they fix it?
He’s hurt or mad he didn’t get his way. Kind of childish, break ups bring out the worst in people.March 18, 2019 at 10:43 pm #743314
I agree with OK in that I would have secured them, if they were really that important at the same time I said “adios.”
You can’t expect civility with that personality! If all those items are replaceable them let it go. If they are a family heirloom or momento that irreplaceable then you will have to file a small claims action and specify what those items are. If necessary, the court can assign a US Marshal to retrieve them if he doesn’t comply with the order.March 18, 2019 at 10:52 pm #743315
Better off single
If he threw them away…then what’s the point other than creating more hardship and wasting time?