FWB interested in my sister


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  • #782369 Reply
    Michelle

    I’ve been FWB with a close friend of mine since August. My sister currently lives out of the area but is moving back in a month and will be living with me. I’ve been super excited as we are best friends. My FWB and sister are also really good friends and we hang out together all the time and all get along super well.

    Two nights ago, my FWB and I were hanging out making dinner. And he said something about how I should watch out when she moves back because she might make a move on him (she doesn’t know we are hooking up, but I know she’s not interested in him). I played it off laughing, and asked him what he would do if she did? He laughed and said ‘I don’t know.. that might be a little too freaky for me. Also your dad would probably kill me..’ I just laughed, but immediately felt nauseous and wanted to leave but stayed.

    Later after dinner, because I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I confronted him and asked if he was interested in my sister and that it was ok either way but that I needed to know because I wanted to stop the benefits if this was the case. His face flushed immediately and he said he wasn’t interested in her, only me. I told him that that would be crossing a major boundary for me and he agreed and said he never would.

    I trust that he wouldn’t do anything with her because I asked, but the fact that it even crossed his mind is making me so upset. I guess what Im asking is whether I should continue my arrangement with him? I feel like when she moves back and we are all hanging out, I’m going to resent them both…

    #782372 Reply
    T from NY

    This is exactly why most women cannot having FWB relationships. He is not your boyfriend. Read that again. Of course even if he isn’t your bf there can be boundaries and respect. But he’s a man! You two have a sexual agreement – not a romantic relationship. It’s every man’s sexual fantasy to have two women and if he finds you both attractive, and hangs out with you both, of course the thought is going to cross his mind. He did nothing wrong and was just joking around. You made your boundaries clear. If he breaks them, he’s an arse and doesn’t respect you. But I would also caution you to let your sister know you have a physical relationship with this guy. If you don’t — she could very well thinks he’s open market and it wouldn’t be her fault if she developed feelings for him.

    I’m never sure why women participate in FWB? It is an almost biological certainty if you are having sex with a man you’re attracted to AND hanging out with him – you’re going to develop feelings. I wouldn’t stop the sex because of your sister – I would advise you to stop because you are too emotionally involved.

    #782401 Reply
    Michelle

    T from NY – Thanks so much for the advice. Reading your perspective has helped a lot. You’re right about everything, I’m going to end it and move on.

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