First date


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This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 4 months ago.

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  • #741146 Reply

    alex

    Went on a first date with a guy from a dating site. He talked about his family and how much he thinks his brother would like the spot I picked. We ordered appetizer but, didn’t really eat much of it. He talked about his near death experiences and his son. He told me his biggest fear in life is to die alone because he just had his grandmother pass away and he felt sad she was all alone. We talked a lot and seem to have much in common. The date lasted 3 hours and he walked me to my car. We hugged then kissed a few times and he said he would like to see me again soon and I agreed. Is this a good sign? We texted a little this morning and after our date but, he hasn’t made a plan yet for our next date. Do guys normally give up there biggest fears right away?

    #741149 Reply

    April1

    No, most probably this is not his biggest fear. Just one of his fears.

    #741150 Reply

    Khadija

    The only good sign is if he follows up with another date within a week.

    Maybe he was nervous ans rambling on, who knows.

    #741157 Reply

    Emma

    Yes it is a good sign.

    Did you text him first after the date or did he text you?

    3 hours for the first date is an overkill. Pace yourself better next time. Do not be that easy and that eager.

    What men do is they go on several dates with various women and then decide which ones to ask for the 2nd date. You’d know if you “passed” within a week or two. But if he was very interested in you, he’d ask you out for the second date right away.

    If you act too easy, he knows you are into him, so he can shop around longer. He won’t be afraid you’d slip away.

    Do not invest in every dude who asks you out. Shop around yourself, be more cautious, be discerning.

    And no, normally guys do not talk about their biggest fears on the first date, you are right about that. This does not have to be a ver bad thing necessarily but keep your eyes and your ears open.

    #741206 Reply

    Hello

    Sounds like a positively morbid date.

    #741207 Reply

    tammy

    let him make plans for the next date. just be patient and don’t ask him. let him fix the second date. in the meanwhile u need to relax and don’t over expect.

    #741278 Reply

    alex

    Thanks all, he asked me for a second date yesterday for the following day. and to answer someone’s question he texted 10 mins of me leaving our date asking for another. He wanted to meet up tonight but I couldn’t but, we have something scheduled for tomorrow. Hopefully I am playing hard to get. I just don’t really know how to date. I like this guy more than another guy I am currently seeing. I am trying to take it slow.

    #741333 Reply

    Owl

    That’s my favorite thing on a first date… lots of death talk.

    #741345 Reply

    peggy

    Hi-nothing “wrong” with him talking about recent tradgedy imo. You liked him,he appears to like you and you two have a plan for another date. Relax,do nothing and keep letting him lead. Overthinking will mess you up-so stop that and stsy “in the moment” instead of worrying about what may or may not happen. Enjoy!

    #741348 Reply

    Khadija

    I think you need to get out of the mindset of trying to play hard to get.

    When you do this you overthink things and you aren’t your authentic self. When to answer a text becomes a strategy.

    Instead think of it this way, let him take the lead in the beginning. Be receptive to when he asks you out.

    Don’t play games because mature adults who want something serious aren’t playing games.

    #741351 Reply

    Lane

    Do what Peggy told you! Remember he’s still A STRANGER, and treat him no differently than any other stranger you meet in your day to day life…that will help you keep your head on straight and not overthink too much about where it is or isn’t going…just take it ONE date at a time!

    Do not get ahead of him in ‘feelings.’ Remember that people can be on good behavior for a short time but eventually their ‘mask’, the one they reveal to the world is not the mask they wear in real life and starts to slip off. Think of him as an onion, you’ve only barely scratched the surface of but he has many layers hiding underneath and until you expose them all and get to the real core of who he is, don’t pretend you know him or think he’s ‘great’ because he very well might not be that great. It takes a lot of TIME (several months) to discover who a person really is, so its your job to be observant, listen carefully, and if something feel’s ‘off’ don’t ignore it as it could be your gut saying something is off about him and then find out he’s a lemon (a cheater, controlling, a player, just wants sex, etc.)

    What is a lemon? Its like that brand new shiny car that looks and feels perfect in the beginning and then you start noticing some odd sounds or things not working the way its suppose to work and realize its not as great as you thought; has some serious flaws that you’re slowly becoming aware of as you go along. All I’m saying is keep a level head, stay out of the bedroom/house dates, and don’t let the hormonal fog (aka infatuation) steer you off a cliff. Remain on a clearly marked road that continues to head in the proper direction over many months.

    #741439 Reply

    alex

    Thank you guys!! we had our second date last night. Went pretty well since during it he asked for another for Monday. I feel like we talked a little more deeper than the first date which is great in my book. We kissed a few more time while cuddling on the couch at this outdoor venue and ate dinner. He hasn’t texted me today. Am I reading too much into that? Thanks

    #741446 Reply

    Emma

    You are not reading any advice it seems. 3 hrs on the first date was a mistake, and now you are cuddling on the second. Did you happen to notice that you are a Monday and Thursday gal. What do you think he is doing on the week-ends.

    If you can read and actually understand what you are reading, then slow down. Do not be that easy.

    He is not texting today because he already has you – for Monday. He knows you are not going anywhere. You were too eager, too easy. Most women do not cuddle on the second date!

    He is now paying attention to the ladies he selected as his “week-end options”.

    #741464 Reply

    tammy

    do pace yourself.. and don’t jump in all the way so fast.. take your time to know him more. you don’t want a scenario where you have sex and then he disappears soon after that. or you connection with him becomes only sexually dominated. take your time. establish some mental connect. know him. try not sleeping with him too soon.

    #741478 Reply

    Butterfly2019

    @Emma I don’t agree with the way your bring your opinion up. She wants advice, she doesn’t want to be insulted. I wouldn’t cuddle with someone on the second date either, but just because she went on two dates with him doesn’t mean she becomes his priority and that she absolutely needs to be the ‘week-end girl material’. People have friends and family they spend time with on weekends. I only go on dates in the week with a guy until he becomes one of my priorities and then I give him some time on Saturday or Sunday. The guy is interested in her and it’s actually a good sign that he wants to go on a third date with her. It means he enjoys spending time with her. Stop reading too much on the day he asked her out. In the beginning, it’s actually normal that people don’t spend their weekends together.

    I don’t think this guy has ‘week-ends girls options’. I personally think he has friends and family he has plans with. Or maybe he just wants to relax alone and do his own things. Just because they aren’t exclusive yet doesn’t mean the guy has a date with a different girl every day lmao it would be exhausting.

    Anyways, I agree with @Tammy: don’t have sex with him until you are at least in a committed relationship with this man if you want a serious thing with him. If you sleep with him without the commitment, he might then lose interest and stop putting efforts into dating you. Don’t settle for the ‘let’s go at my place and watch a movie’. Let him take you on nice dates in public places. I don’t know what you mean by cuddling, but avoid any horizontal positions with this guy lol It’s inappropriate in public places anyways.

    Also, don’t reach out to him. Men are known to pull a bit away after spending some ‘emotional time’ with a woman (going on dates, kissing, cuddling, creating an emotional bond, etc.). I’d say it’s normal that he hasn’t reached out to you right after, but I understand that you are a bit disappointed. Just give him space, don’t text him and let him come to you. Most men are afraid to lose their freedom and pulling away is a subconscious test he puts you into. If you overreact, he’ll get scared and pull away more. He should text you by Sunday to confirm your Monday’s date. Just do your things and don’t obsess over him. Go out with your friends/family or just stay home and do what you like (writing, watching a tv show, sport, etc.). If he doesn’t confirm your date, just let him go and go no contact. It would be an answer in itself. Keep your options open.

    In my personal opinion, you’ll soon hear from him again. Just be happy about your last date, be confident and tell yourself that you are worth it. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Talk to other guys.

    Keep us updated!

    #741514 Reply

    alex

    Thank you butterfly2019, He has his son on weekends and sometimes during the week. He brought his sons mom up, exactly how he put it on Thursday. Also, I am pretty bad at not sleeping with guys right away however, he is someone I want to get to know on a deeper level. I also hope you are right and that he will contact me.
    I am currently seeing two guys right now and I like them both but the one guy is someone I feel I could have a meaningful relationship with. He’s not the biggest texter and he hasn’t been online which may be in my favor or not.
    I haven’t dated in almost 2 years or so. Its new territory and I over analyze everything. Even on Thursday the night of our date I didn’t hear from him all day but I knew we were still on schedule with our date because we confirmed the day before. So I hope he confirms our date. Fingers, toes crossed

    #741885 Reply

    Kate

    I wouldn’t worry about “being a Monday and Thursday” girl as someone said haha if he’s got his kid on the weekend, well in my eyes that’s good he’s putting his kid first. He’s initiating the dates, so not matter what day it is, he’s wanting to see you.

    Have fun and live in the now, try not to over think things ( we all do it, I know I do!!) I myself have recently got back into the dating world and its not all daisy’s and butterflies, some guys are jerks, some are sweet hearts, but just have fun!! One thing I’ve learned is it’s ok to be busy, you don’t always have to say you’re free for a date. Keep doing your normal life, spend time with friends-family.

    As for sleeping with him, everyone’s opinion is different but I personally get too attached, sex is a big thing for me so I don’t sleep with a guy until we are in a committed relationship. Some guys my age don’t understand that, and that’s fine. I just know that way, a guy is interested in me, and willing to wait and not in it just for sex.

    #743408 Reply

    Alex

    Well after the second date he hasn’t contacted me at all. It’s been weeks. Oh well his loss

    #743429 Reply

    sisi

    I thought he asked for 3rd date while on 2nd, no?

    #743431 Reply

    Lane

    Sorry Alex but that’s what we were trying to warn you of. You got overly excited and way too ahead when talking about seeing yourself in a relationship with a total stranger. He was a dud and you’re going to meet them which is why you need to withhold judgement about men you don’t know at all.

    He may be too busy to date; he may be checking out the dating pool, he may be….

    Fact is, it takes TIME to get to know a person and that applies to men you date. Until you go on lots and lots of dates, they are just a guy you met and may not get to know at all.

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