Feel threatened…


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This topic contains 40 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Karen 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 41 total)
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  • #761019 Reply

    M

    My bf talks to his Mom every day. Unfortunately that includes both good and bad about me and our relationship. Any time we’ve had struggles he tells her. I see that as unfair as I never have had a chance to defend myself or say my side of things. And I can only assume that she’s come to speculate, resent me, and see me with a jaded perspective. I say this because she just posted a not so subtle message towards me on social media. Along the lines of “Don’t try me… don’t hurt him or I’ll hurt you… and if you do hurt him, I’ll make your life miserable”. I’ve seen things like that before as jokes or whatever, but this was an actual threat directed at me. I am both hurt and shocked and honestly don’t know what to do.

    #761021 Reply

    peggy

    Well,if he can’t control his mother-I would break up with him, which is likely what she actually wants. If you stay with him,your life will be hell, Break it off, and unless he tells her to back off and keeps her out of your business,don’t take him back if he begs.

    #761022 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I assume that you have talked to him about it already? How old is he to have such a relationship with his mom? I find this really strange, adult men normally don’t discuss their intimate lives with their mothers. Especially if he says bad things about you, that’s terribly inonsiderate of him, how did he expect this will pan out?

    Now, when it came to his mother publicly (on social media!) threatening you, yes, I would think that you are justified in walking from this relationship. Unless this could be a wake up call for him? Have you talked to him? If I were you, I would be so hurt (if not furious)… I think it would result in a big argument with my boyfriend.

    When children grow up and form relationships, a mother becomes an outsider with respect to that couple. It sounds like neither your boyfriend nor his mother understand this.

    #761023 Reply

    Toni

    Yeah, that’s pretty weird and creepy and that’s a Bye Felicia right now, full stop. Mommy still owns her little boy lock stock and barrel and he’s going along with the program and that’s not going to change any time soon if ever. Break it off with him. He’s not mature enough to be in a relationship if he can’t resist running to his mother with everything that happens on a daily basis.

    #761024 Reply

    Lane

    Umm, ya no! I adored, and still do, my (now ex) mother-in-law. I’m sooooooo thankful I didn’t have to endure any of what you’re going through, and definitely wouldn’t if I was dating someone who was doing that to me! I’ve heard the horror stories, and witnessed the ugliness of those who ended up in these these situations, and trust me, that’s not something you should ever want to get into or be involved with.

    It’s high time you have a very direct and frank discussion with your BF, if you haven’t had it yet. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will be ganged up on, or put in bad light with his mother, and if he continues you will be forced to end the relationship. If he has an issue with you, he needs to talk to you about it, not her, from hereon, and will need to enforce those boundaries if there’s any chance of changing this dynamic around. If you think this is a threat, then take it as one, as it will only get far worse, and trust me, you will want to avoid it at all cost.

    #761025 Reply

    Junie

    I’m with @Toni. It’s gone too far for any more talking, this isn’t redeemable if she’s making threats like this and he’s talking to her every day. Neither of them is going to stop. This is all way way over the line. Just get out and don’t look back.

    #761027 Reply

    Junie

    No Stephen that’s NOT clear by a long shot. As usual you’re making a bunch of ridiculous assumptions and jumping to conclusions driven by your misogynist agenda. God only knows why you’re on this site.

    He could have plenty of people to talk with about his issues for all we know. The only thing that’s clear is this guy and his mother have a very unhealthy dynamic going on that’s affecting the OP and the guy’s relationship. No one emotionally healthy talks to their parent on a daily basis and tattles on their significant other. And it takes a special kind of twisted to leave that kind of message on your child’s significant other’s social media. I’d drop this guy like a hot potato.

    But for some reason you’re awake in the week hours of the morning in the UK making up stories to make the OP wrong… it would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic.

    #761028 Reply

    Junie

    wee hours

    #761031 Reply

    Raven

    Ask him, “Why is your Mother threatening me?’

    #761050 Reply

    M

    He talks to mother every day because she lives in another state. That is their routine. I have no issues with that, nor do I wish to come between them. We do not have problems every day. But the ones that have come up have been shared with her. I do not claim to be innocent. The issue at hand is a passive aggressive message directed straight at me from her.

    I’ve only met his mother once. I do not know what her intentions behind this were, but it felt threatening on my end. When I told my BF, he laughed and said this was annoying… and if I found this upsetting then we’re just not meant to be.

    I said I didn’t find it funny, but if it was meant that way then help me understand. Talk to me about it. He said no, he needs to go to sleep.

    This is a problem.

    #761055 Reply

    M

    Agreed.

    #761057 Reply

    Lane

    Huh? May I ask why you want to be around a man who’s incapable of communicating with you about a problem or issue you’re having? If a man told me that, I would say “OK”, pack my stuff up, walk out, and tell him “your mother can keep you” as the door shut behind me, forever.

    You remind me of my ex husband. He threatened to leave a couple times where I looked him square in the eye and said “there’s the door, don’t let it hit you on the way out.” He never intended to carry out, just empty words as my best friend told me, quite a few times, “he needs you more than you need him.” The first and only time I said it to him, I left, and my best friend was sooooo right, he needed me more than I need him! The question I’m asking you, is, why do you need him?

    #761060 Reply

    anon

    You know what, the quality of the people you create relationships with impacts your quality.
    1. His mother sounds like a drama queen. To me, anyone who posts dramatic posts on social media is not someone I want in my life. PERIOD.
    2. The son sounds like he stokes the drama. Do you want to live with a drama stoker? If yes, by all means keep dating him.
    3. Family dynamics are hard to chip away at. His mom doesn’t like you. This will never be a friction free relationship until she dies or he stands up to her; neither is happening.

    Short of sitting down with the two of them and hashing this out, there is nothing you can do, plus, trying to talk things out with drama people never gets anywhere- it either escalates or they write it off as a joke and you as “overly sensitive”.

    Ultimately, is this a threat to your keeping your toxic relationship intact? No. It’s just how they roll. You can probably make a 30 year marriage out of this garbage. Is this a threat to your wellbeing and happiness? Yes. Get out.

    #761061 Reply

    Ewa

    so what his mum lives in another state? my mum lives in another country and I don’t call her everyday , nor do I speak to her about my problems
    this is unhealthy relationship, no point entertaining it

    #761063 Reply

    tammy

    I don’t think hes that serious about you or the relationship. he couldn’t care less when you pointed out what his mother wrote. i would be very hurt if his mom threated me and he just laughed it off. he dint even try to explain or put you at ease. that shows he doesn’t really care. u need to take many many steps back from this situation and then see if he is affected by that. no sense staying in a relationship when the man isn’t in it fully with you.

    #761069 Reply

    M

    Yeah, he posted that I was a narcissist a few ago. He removed it, but the damage is done. When I saw this post, of course I said something. It bothered me.

    But he’s saying who cares. It was just a joke. I feel like I’m being gaslighted. I question whether I should have said anything at all. I question whether my feelings were even valid.

    I love the guy and have wanted so badly to make this work. Yeah, I admit that I need him more than he needs me. It’s why I haven’t walked away already.

    I guess I need some sort of validation to be upset.

    #761087 Reply

    Anderson

    “I’ve seen things like that before as jokes or whatever”

    Just because something gets labeled as a joke doesn’t mean it deserves to be dismissed. There are boundaries with jokes too. Things get labeled as jokes by people who don’t have the courage to admit their passive aggressive BS.

    Is he usually this bad at discussing issues or being understanding of your concerns?

    #761097 Reply

    M

    @Anderson,

    I agree. Even if it was meant as a joke, I still feel that a boundary was crossed. It was definitely addressed to me as it said “TRY ME. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE”.. followed by a list of things. There was no funny, haha moment there or anything that indicated it was a “joke”. It was meant for me to read it, and he replied, “You’re the best, Mom” after I brought it up to him. I’ll also mention that he shut me down before he even saw what I was talking about. Was my approach wrong? I don’t know. Should I have let it slide? I don’t feel that way, but he’s made me me feel stupid for it.

    #761102 Reply

    M

    @omg

    No, they can’t. But it’s nice to be able to sound off to someone who’s not biased. That is why this forum exists. Thanks for your advice.

    #761125 Reply

    Anderson

    “Was my approach wrong? I don’t know. Should I have let it slide? I don’t feel that way, but he’s made me me feel stupid for it.”

    You said it yourself that you feel like you’re being gaslighted, and it’s showing. The longer you let this this go on the harder it will be for you to heal or move on from it.

    I get the vibe that your mind has recognized the reality of things, and now it’s just a matter of time for your emotions to catch up.

    #762447 Reply

    Lane

    I would end this before it gets worse. The fact is, he doesn’t live you back. Love doesn’t hurt, and this should hurt you to the core. May I ask why you believe yuh are deserving of this kind of treatment? What is is that keeps you hanging onto someone who treats you so badly?

    I can understand it being difficult to extricate yourself when your married, have kids, assets, and legitimate reasons to try and work things out. But if you don’t have any of this keeping you with him, then why stay and continue to be emotional abused, not only by him but his mother too?

    #763685 Reply

    L

    You don’t want a mommas boy

    #763792 Reply

    The Truth Bringer

    Take a picture of yourself wearing a black wig, a lot of make up, and a black shirt. Stare hatefully into the camera and upload the picture to Facebook. That should shut her up.

    #763800 Reply

    warasen

    Is your mother in law some kind of mob wife?

    Personally I find threats on line like a threat in the day time. You laugh it off cause it’s not serious it’s a sign of a drama queen. A threat on social media is not to be taken seriously. Next time you see her challenger her. Get in her face and say let’s see what you can do. People who mean to do harm just do it, the threat is to other people in the future.

    Your boy friend is a man child. Why does he vent to his mother like that and does he need her to defend him? You should find a real man.

    #763803 Reply

    Jo

    He sounds horrible. Really horrible. Life with him would be miserable.

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