Ex still in contact


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This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kaye 1 month ago.

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  • #746273 Reply

    Leah

    Hi all,
    So my ex boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. He checked in after a period of no contact of about 2 weeks. We haven’t talked since, except last night when I noticed I had a notification on Instagram. Checked it, and he had sent me a meme with ‘lol’. Could have been sent to me by accident, idk. But I guess I just don’t know how to handle this. We had spoken briefly about how we did potentially want to be friends down the line as the split was mutual an amicable. I do think it’s possible way down the line once the feelings have dissipated but I feel like with him reaching out when it’s not expected that it’s creating this false sense of hope inside me. I know we are not going to get back together because we broke up as we found we just were too different and not compatible at all, and the differences were too much to be reconciled. I’m just not sure how to approach this. I do care about him but I won’t be able to fully move on if we are still in contact. I’m thinking of waiting to see how things progress and if he keeps contacting me to tell him I need some space and that we should give it a few months at least before either of us reaches out to the other one. Any thoughts?

    #746281 Reply

    Ok

    I think you are overthinking it. That wasn’t really reaching out.

    #746283 Reply

    Brianna

    When i broke up with my boyfriend he didn’t allow for No Contact. He reached out in the real sense – called, texted, begged for me to come back. THAT”S reaching out. I ignored him, most of the time, for 3 months. But it was every day for 3 months he’d contact me from different numbers, blocked numbers, and fake IG accounts. That’s reaching out. Him sending a meme is him stuck in a routine.
    Help him UNSTICK himself and block him from there, too. that’s the first thing I did. I blocked my ex on all social media. You need to do that, then he will get the hint it’s over.

    #746294 Reply

    Leah

    I know it wasn’t him reaching out with the silly meme. He had texted me two weeks after the breakup like we agreed in order to see how I was doing, and then he sent the IG thing last night. He and I both agreed to take baby steps if we were going to try and stay friends after this. I think if he messages me at some point I am going to tell him that I need some space to heal.

    #746295 Reply

    L

    You are planning what to say even though it may not happen?

    #746297 Reply

    Khadija

    Checked it, and he had sent me a meme with ‘lol’.

    All this thought over an LOL on IG?

    Right now focus on healing and stop thinking about what could be down the line.

    Feelings change and both of you may not even want a friendship.

    #746306 Reply

    Emma

    You have a good plan. Wait until you have reasons to execute it. Next time he pings you, ask for no contact. And stay in contact for a long time. 2 weeks or 2 months is not a long time, you need a year or even more. If you feel it is impossible than you are in denial about the breakup. Remind yourself that you were incompatible.

    #746375 Reply

    Leah

    Yeah I think part of me is still over thinking things. It’s weird. I don’t want him back and we aren’t meant to be (which I’m really glad about how clear we both are about this) but part of me wishes he would tell me he made a mistake. It’s probably for my own ego more than anything else. And it’s still very soon after the breakup too. I’m still mulling through a lot of feelings right now and not all of them make sense.

    #746377 Reply

    Raven

    It’s too soon to be ‘friends’

    #746380 Reply

    Amanda

    All being friends means is that you don’t hate each other.

    You’re doing fine, you’re smart to recognize when you are not compatible.

    Just ignore him.

    #746653 Reply

    Leah

    Good points by everyone. I’m still upset over the breakup even though it was the right thing to do. Is it normal to still be this sad even 3 weeks after?

    #746655 Reply

    Raven

    Not unusual- You’re not a machine…
    How long were you 2 together?

    #746656 Reply

    Leah

    Dated for 7 months with an official label on it as bf/gf for 6 of those months.

    #746689 Reply

    Better off singlle

    After 3 weeks, it’s still okay to be sad I think, and by that time at least be at peace with it knowing it is what it is…. we found we just were too different and not compatible at all, and the differences were too much to be reconciled.

    If you’re focusing on that you won’t move on, because somewhere in the back of your mind you will try to come up with ways you are compatible. then, start wavering back and forth wanting to be compatible. Which you aren’t. you have both agreed on that? If you aren’t compatible in a relationship, do you think you will be as friends? If so, the differences between the two of you shouldn’t be a big deal and you can respond to his meme like you would with a friend and not think twice about it later while cracking on with your own life.

    #746690 Reply

    Question

    part of me wishes he would tell me he made a mistake. It’s probably for my own ego more than anything else.

    If he did, of course your ego would be soothed but what I’m wondering is would you take him back or enjoy the rush of rejecting him?

    #746718 Reply

    Steph

    @better off single: you make a good point. It would probably be a bit of both to answer your question but I know he will move on and he knows that we just aren’t a fit. I’m trying so hard to make things more normal for myself but I also wish we have agreed on several months of no contact, since part of me always wonders if he’ll text. :/

    #746724 Reply

    kaye

    You are making this much harder than it should be and overthinking things! If he continues to contact you there is no reason you can’t tell him you need more time and need a few months of no contact. But at this point all he’s done is send you a meme. That’s really nothing. It should be much easier in your case to move on knowing the two of you aren’t compatible and your differences can’t be reconciled. It’s much worse when someone breaks up with you and it’s not mutual and you want them back and are desperately waiting for that text or email of them saying they made a mistake and can’t live without you! Once you find a guy who is more of a fit for you, you’ll wonder why you spent the time agonizing over this breakup. We have to let go of what isn’t meant for us to find what is!!

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