Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ex lied to me about married woman
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by
Elvira.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Marissa
A few years ago, my boyfriend (now ex) kept getting snapchats from somebody named Jessica. I opened one up and it said “I wonder what things would have been like had we dated.” Well, it turns out, they met in college, but she was married. And her husband had recently recovered from cancer. On her social media you would think that she adores her husband based on the photos she posts. I forgave my boyfriend (now ex) because he treated me very well otherwise. He was also a little flirty with other girls on social media in the past while we dated too before that instance.
Earlier this year, he ended things with me in a cruel way right before I had to go to work. Eight years down the drain just like that. He blamed me for most of the breakup. His new job and the stresses there have changed him. I was being bullied at work and he said he was “over it” when I would vent to him about my job, as I was stuck in a very difficult situation. He said he didn’t want to help me solve my problems because he had enough of his own at work. And that he didn’t want to put any effort into a relationship. He said he is drained emotionally and needs to refill his cup. Made me feel like the worst partner on the planet.
As soon as we break up, I notice that the married girl from a few years prior was following him on social media again and liking every single thing he posted. I had not even moved out yet. I also noticed that my ex had created a public Spotify playlist with love songs on it called “adore you.” I asked him about it and he said that it was there to help him move on and that he was hurt that I assumed he was up to something nefarious. I unfollowed him on all social media. A mutual friend of ours contacted me yesterday and said that he saw on the Spotify updates on his browser, it shows what songs people are listening to that they follow. He saw my ex’s “adore you” playlist on there and noticed that the married girl had been added to the playlist so she could also contribute songs. As far as I know, she is not living with her husband (I think they are separated), but they are still married and she still has photos posted on her facebook with her husband still. She also (last year) donated part of her liver to him as he needed a transplant because his liver cancer came back.
My head is spinning as I realize now that he has probably been lying to me. I can’t eat or sleep. I was a good girlfriend and we were very close for so long. I do not understand why people do this? And am I obligated to find a way to anonymously tell her husband? I don’t want to get involved, but this situation makes me sick to my stomach. Will they end up happily ever after?
Newbie
You are not moving on to the land of who gives a fk what he is doing and why he did it. I know its not a fast train for most of us who got hurt, but this guy fell out of love for you. If he wasnt ready to cope with your daily issues or if you take too much space. The end result is the same: maybe breaking up is for the best. And accept it. Grieve, go no contact with your ex, stop checking his social media. It wont get you nothing if you do. Its possible your now ex had a thing for her and wanted to give it a try. Will it work? I doubt it. But its possible.
Meanwhile again stop focussing on him and start focussing soley on you and stop wasting time on silly play lists.Ss
I completely get why you are so upset about this because it feels like a betrayal since there is some history with this woman.
You were absolutely right to unfollow him on social media but you need to take it a step further and ask your well meaning friends to not check out stuff on your behalf or tell you things because it doesn’t help you to move on and just prolongs your pain.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter who he is moving on with- this married woman or any other woman. Your relationship is over and he can do what he wants. Its disrespectful to you but its not your business anyway. He has moved on and now you need to as well.
Its ok to grieve, to rage, cry or do whatever you need to get through this but make the focus on you healing not on him at all.
Look after you. Be kind to you.
Absolutely do not contact this woman’s husband- its not your circus and not your monkey… let go xx
Marissa
Do people usually end up happier with the person they cheated with?
Newbie
I really know people who do and got kids and are still together. So that wont help you much. Try moving on
Newbie
Seriously i get your focussing on him. But life is not fair. This is about you. I swear in a few years from now you wont remember his name
Lane
We’ve all been where you’re at but trust us, the BEST WAY to get out of the pain is to fill up your life with things to do, to the point you don’t have time to think about him. I suggest you read the “seven stages of divorce.” Whether a break up or divorce it helps you understand the stages and steps you need to take to get to the top where you finally feel “indifferent”—don’t have the high level of emotions you do now and rarely think of him.
Its a journey, albeit painful and difficult as you struggle with your emotions that will ebb and flow. However the best way to begin this journey is taking a complete “out of sight, out of mind” approach so you’re mind can mend and your heart will soon follow. I suggest you tell ALL your friends not to speak of him! I would also not constantly vent to your friends/family either as they are going to get sick of it pretty quick. I suggest venting through writing. Not the way you’re doing it now but how YOU FEEL, spill your emotions on paper to the point when you have nothing more to say, are done writing, print it out, hide it in file folder and don’t read it again for over a year. This is when YOU get super busy! Fill our time/calendar up with all kinds of things such as puzzles, home projects, work projects, gym (great endorphin releaser), watch a lot of comedies, read a lot of books in areas you know your weak in (developing better coping skills would be a good start); hang out with friends/family, etc. Filling up all you your time with things that aren’t focused on everything but him will get you to a happier place in life.
Trust me, if you come across your venting letter a year + later, you won’t recognize that woman because you will be a much happier and well rounded individual if YOU do the hard work to get to a better place in life :o)
Elvira
Marissa I think you’re focusing your energy in the wrong direction. I completely understand the feeling of betrayal. The father of my children cheated on me with his assistant (cliche) and is still with her because I left him. I am soooo much better off she took this cheating liar and their lives are not perfect. In your case your “wondering” if he cheated but have no solid proof. Could he have been attracted to her “maybe”…could they be together now “maybe” but why care? The fact is you’re no longer together and focusing on the past isn’t going to give you a better outcome. You were together for 8 years and you stated he broke up very abruptly. What you should be focusing on is yourself. I know its easier said then done but as time goes by it does get easier.
-
AuthorPosts
