Ex is ruining my reputation!!!


Home Forums Break Up Advice Ex is ruining my reputation!!!

This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  OK 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #732155 Reply

    Natalie

    I thought the nightmare would end when we parted and never spoke again. But now I’m hearing that my ex is out there ruining my reputation. Going around asking friends of friends about the people I talk to..especially male friends..asking about their backgound info! Just now a male friend of mine called me and told me that my ex had been asking about him and me through someone, and that someone knows the girl my male friend is currently dating. And now she thinks my friend has ‘more than friends’ relationship with me. And since they are not official yet she never met me and doesn’t know who i am. And now he just ruined what they had going. Because she blocked him already! I feel so enraged and humilliated at the same time. There’s this angry person out there going around digging things up and leaving no stone unturned just to find a crack hole to go on with and stir up allegations! And also it seems that he hasn’t told anyone we broke up and he’s making me look like im cheating around. He has called me so many names during our relationship, now that we are not together I’m sure I’m being called the whore of the town!! I’m this close to doing something really bad to him but I thought I’d come here first and calm down. What do i do with this piece of garbage??!!!!

    #732162 Reply

    Sam

    This is awful, could you have a lawyer send him a threatening letter?
    Or maybe post something on every social media platform you use announcing to the world that you are no longer with this man and for your friends to ignore any communication attempts about you that come from him.

    #732163 Reply

    Jen

    Thissounds so high schoolish. And your ‘friends’ are just helping him by propagating the problem and talking about it too. Nobody stays all that interested in other people’s busines. You will be last weeks news before you know it. Don’t soak ething that just makes you look equally crazy. Why do you say the night mares Gould have ended when you parted. What led up to this bitter break up? Must be more this than you are saying.

    #732167 Reply

    Sam

    Jen, Narcissists do this when you break up with them.
    this victim blaming is so offensive

    #732169 Reply

    Natalie

    Sam- I do not want to involve social media as I might be publishing the rumour more. But I might consider it! And you are correct. He is a narc.

    Jen- I’ve been dealing with a narcissist for years on and off, everytime I left he always sucked me back in. But I took a leap and got the hell out 2 weeks now. It was ugly. But I’ve been safely staying inside my house just healing. Didnt hear from him at all. Thought it was really over. Then today BOOM!

    I just want to be left alone.

    And we are both in our late 20’s. Please tell me what can I do?

    #732180 Reply

    Emma

    He waited 2 weeks to see if you come crawling back, and when you didn’t, he realized you really want to break up and now he is being who he is.

    You do need to post on social media. But do not make it dramatic. Say that you and this guy are no longer together, as of this date, you want to make sure this is known as you heard some rumours from people that you do not appreciate.

    You should also contact that girl and tell her what happened.

    After that, you need to wait. He is likely to throw a few more stunts, but hopefully after that he’d calm down.

    But if within 2 months he doesn’t, and if he continues, you need to be firm and very decisive. Do get someone to send him a letter and post info on social media as well, saying that you had to issue a warning.

    Do not be afraid, social media is on your side. It will not look bad on you but would give you protection from him. we would have to stop, because otherwise his future attempts at dating would be quite ..hmm…difficult. Tag his name with “abuse”. What more revenge you’d want than that? Provide a short 2 sentences why. Do not go dramatic in your description. Simply state the facts.

    #732193 Reply

    Natalie

    Thank you Emma.

    But i use only whatsapp though because he had me deleting my Facebook account forever when we were together. So my range of exposure is slim. But I will tell everyone I know what’s going on. If he wants to get me a bad reputation I too can tell the world all the things he put me through. And then he’ll have to watch out for HIS reputation!

    My only fear is he will think I’m entertaining him and it will never end.. when all I want is to never say his name again!!

    A friend of mine has advise me to keep my cool for now, it’s his first attempt after 2 weeks if he does anything again then serious accusations will lead to serious consequences!

    #732206 Reply

    Ok

    Emma that’s the worst advice ever. Thisman doesn’t sound in the least socio.

    #732214 Reply

    Ok

    Socios don’t act like this. They will move on if you are no longer useful. And are way too smart to run around like this man and be so overt. The behavior of this man is borderline personality. Dramatic. Fear of abandonment. Read up on it because inciting him and paying attention is the worst this can do. He will love it.

    #732221 Reply

    Natalie

    OK – What do you suggest?

    #732244 Reply

    Emma

    Again for those who have trouble understanding things the first time, if I want your opinion, I will ask for it.

    we haven’t heard much of your cynicism lately, ok, did you get laid by chance? LOL

    #732250 Reply

    Ok

    Some people get their facts right, others like you Emma just like to spout off as if you are an expert about most topics you have no clue about. I can tell an OP if I think your advice is not only bad but incorrect. I suggest she and you look up BPD and eat crow Emma. You are the nasty one with your condescending LOL’s and advice that ,only serves to make women look like idiots.

    And since you chose to personally insult me instead of insult my validity…. Get laid? Yeah actually I always do, but Iunlike you I don’t have to run out and find men to have sex with for short term 12 weeks affairs. You see my man actually enjoys sex with me. LOL

    #732259 Reply

    Natalie

    Okay, so I have read up about BPD I ain’t no doctor but he definitely have some traits of the disorder. And it says that 16% of people with BPD has narcissistic personality as well. So i see the relation there. I have also watched a video on YouTube where a lady talks about ‘smear campaign’ after you break up with a narcissist. She was spot on. So I watched the full video but she doesn’t say what to really do about that person other than the fact to ignore them or move etc. It might be easy to do so in America but in my small town everybody knows everybody.

    I haven’t heard more so far but I am scared that a person like this can act up any given day. I just don’t know what kind of measure to take. I have asked an ex cop friend of mine if there is legal option, and I can only file a report about this but he doesn’t think the police in our country bothers themselves so much with cases about the image of others. Another friend of mine worries I might become suicidal but I assured her I’m not that kind.

    Seems like I have no more options but to let him do this to me. Anyone with this experience, please share what you did, how long it took, and how are things in your life now. It’s grately appreciated!

    #732287 Reply

    Pandora

    Jen: “Thissounds so high schoolish. And your ‘friends’ are just helping him by propagating the problem and talking about it too. Nobody stays all that interested in other people’s busines. You will be last weeks news before you know it. Don’t soak ething that just makes you look equally crazy. Why do you say the night mares Gould have ended when you parted. What led up to this bitter break up? Must be more this than you are saying.”

    EXACTLY

    I really think there must be more than you are saying
    maybe you are scorned and looking for excuses?
    your posts doesnt convinced me you are the good gal and he is the narcis and the bad one, sorry

    #732288 Reply

    Raven

    Joe is right… These people- ‘friends’ who believe the ex or who participate in the drama, really aren’t your friends & aren’t worth the air space they occupy.

    #732322 Reply

    Better off single

    If you’re looking for a problem you will find one. It’s amazing the things the mind can come up with. Fears are lies.

    The best thing to do is ignore it, move on with your life, and let karma sort it out.

    It says more about him being abusive than you slandering your name like that.

    Some people won’t care if you’re losing sleep over something they caused. In fact, they probably sleep better than you do because they feel justified. So just do your best to ignore it.

    Striking back at him might hurt you worse.

    #732324 Reply

    Anne ohio

    Of course you don’t mention him on social media. And don’t hang with guys for awhile. If your guy friend had a girlfriend, and you have been communicating with him……

    #732349 Reply

    Natalie

    Thanks for the response. I know I didn’t write the whole 4 years of what happened, but that’s because it’s irrelevant to me now. I know what he did to me and I know how difficult it was for me to understand what I was doing wrong because I didn’t know he was narcissistic, meaning i am always going to be wrong no matter what. I suffered physical, verbal and emotional abuse for 4 years. I kept taking him back everytime I took the decision to walk away. He wasn’t 100% bad, no one is and that’s why I kept going back. But everytime I did he would be okay for 2 weeks and then out of the blue there’s always something I was being accused of. I lost most of my friends as he didn’t want me to have friends. I couldn’t socialize as he was insecure all the time. I went to see a movie once with my brother and he was moody at ME for days because of it. The only time he was affectionate was when i did everything I was told. He could go out, he could spend time with others but not me. During one of our seperations he threw all my clothes out in the mud. When he saw me moving on with someone else he came back and asked me for forgiveness. And i took him back. But when we would be in disagreement he reproach me of the time I moved on with someone else. He used that on me ALL the time. I was at work one time (I work night shift as well) and I had no idea he was in the car park just watching. I found this out with the security guard about 3 days later when he had a chance to talk to me. He had embarrassed me in front of his friends when he told me to shut the f up when I was sharing my opinion about a conversation we were having. He had slap his sister during the christening of her son when she talked back at him angrily. They were in dispute that day as he was late at the church and he was the godfather and everyone was waiting on him. I told him he was wrong and he told me I’m a b###h. He had met my family and he was the most nicest person in the world. Begged my mother for forgiveness when he bust my lip during an argument, only to do it again 6 months later. I walked on eggshells, I was afraid of my own opinions, afraid to ask if its okay I spend the night at my parent’s house because he always say I’m planning to go out and using my family’s house as cover. People saw us as strong and going places because I never let anything show. Which is why today its easy for everyone to think I’m the one who hurt him because I left..again! I’m the bad guy. He cries to all our friends, sends me flowers, ask for forgiveness, went to see a shrink at one time all to prove to me he is changing. But he has never changed for good. He was on his best behaviour for 6 weeks and then he came home one day grumpy as hell, addressed me aggressively and I asked him if he can’t talk to me properly and he pointed his finger in my face, I got upset and slap his finger, and he poked me in my eye. That’s when I threw the glass of water I had near me at him. He pretended he was going to hit me but I didn’t flinch. The next day when he went to work I took all my sh!t and went to my mom’s. And told him I’m never coming back. He was enraged and tried to come to my house but my parent’s told him to leave. I looked over my shoulder for a whole week everytime I go to the store etc. I stayed inside the whole time and I didn’t go out and I am not getting involve with any guys even amicably. And now it’s two weeks, out of the blue he’s going around smear campaigning me to everyone we knew. But I realized something today, I do not care what he does to my name, as long he keeps his distance from me then I’m happy.

    So thank you to all who responded. Now that I’m calm I don’t even give a damn about what he is trying to do. He won’t win.

    #732355 Reply

    OK

    Had you shared that background it would have been easier to answer your question. The original post did not suggest your anger is really related to really bad past behavior. This is MINOR compared to the abuse you already survived from him. You should be relieved to be done with him and not get caught up in rumors or looking for revenge. You will never win with these type of people. And if you think other people did not know what you were dealing with before, I would suggest you think again. I was abused for a few years and thought the same thing. After I finally broke free and talked to many people (not even close friends) they told me all kinds of stories about how he lied to them about us and our relationship. Even about my career and what I did for work. Our whole relationship was one big lie and he manipulated how it was presented to the world – yet, no one believed him. It’s really easy actually, to see problems from afar than when you are involved in it.

    That’s why on here, it can come across cold, but when no emotionally involved it’s easy to spot what is really going on.

    This guy will get bored now that you made your decision to move on. He just isn’t used to you ever taking a real stand from you. By the way, I hope you learned NEVER to strike at a man in anger – even when he presents a hostile pose (finger in face) that’s a good way to get seriously hurt or killed. You have no idea what he is thinking and domestic violence can explode really fast. You will never beat the man in a physical brawl unless you take him off guard or have a weapon. Even in crime situations, the best advice isn’t to fight but rather to flee if you are able.

    This was a really difficult but valuable lesson. I hope if nothing else, it helps you spot red flags and walk away very quickly when you spot someone else who starts showing even the slightest signs of control and abuse.

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