EX COMPLICATED


This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  LaFrance 5 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #782796 Reply

    Bri

    Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago then we decided to work things out but it’s been confusing. One day he can be all into me and the next day act very distant and cold. He won’t make an effort to see me but he’ll text me every day. I showed up to a party on NYE where I knew he would be at. When I approached him he seemed very happy even kissed me I only asked him once to spend the night with me and he immediately agreed. When we woke up he was being very affectionate although it had been almost 3 months it felt like we had never stopped seeing each other. After that happened we’ve been texting even more but he won’t initiate making plans to see me. He had the weekend off and spent it with his family and friends, it hurts me that he won’t try seeing me. I told him yesterday I wanted to see him and he said “maybe sometime this week” the “maybe” threw me off, I asked him if he actually wants to see me and he said “yeah”. I know 3 months is a lot and the reason why we wouldn’t meet up was bc I would keep nagging or insisting when he was trying to sort out his feelings so I understand why he would pull away. But lately I’ve been more than patient doing things his way but i feel like something is not right. I asked him last night if he doesn’t wanna talk bc it doesn’t seem like it and he just said “he’s good”. I don’t want to overreact but I feel him distant and cold, this weekend he would take long to reply and it would be very short. what should I do>

    #782799 Reply

    Newbie

    It doesnt sound like youre a couple at all. If youre glad he kisses you at new year then you have really low expectations of how a bf should act. Then you had to ask him to have sex with you and he agreed.
    I understand that you first broke up because you felt you were nagging but i think this guy was never really into you and still isnt. I wouldnt reach out anymore but disappear to another planet. Im not a fan of ghosting but this guy is giving nothing but definitely maybe’s

    #782800 Reply

    Better off

    I agree with newbie. When you first get into the whole exclusive status it should be fun, romantic, and exciting. Like not being able to keep your hands off each other and want to spend every second possible with each other.
    Things turn south when drama or the need to control the outcome gets into the mix.

    When you break up and try to work it out again, there is always that sinking feeling a breakup is coming, you go through waves of excitement and waves of negativity because something you did or the situation triggers doubt. Once doubt gets its creepy little hands in the middle of it all, you can expect a sabotage. so why get emotionally involved and attached just to get heart broken again?

    Why not keep looking for someone else who is new and exciting? Plenty are out there and nobody is a unicorn.

    And what guy is going to turn down easy sex with someone familiar?

    Your options are:

    Give him some time, do not message him no matter how much you feel the need to and when he texts you, don’t be negative toward him if for some reason you are a sucker for pain. Patterns don’t lie. Pay attention to what he said and how long it took him.

    keep doing your own thing like he doesn’t even matter. Treat him how he treats you and just let him fade out of your life and keep moving on because he’s a sh×tty boyfriend if he really is one.

    If deep conversations or asking a question about why he is acting a certain way toward you are uncomfortable, too difficult for him to answer, or you get a bs reply skirting around it, he’s not boyfriend material and does not give a sh×t about meeting your needs. How can you meet his when he won’t even properly communicate?

    I’d ditch this guy. He may be attracted to you, but from what you posted, he doesn’t see you as a potential partner either.

    #782803 Reply

    Anon

    I would step way back and let him do all the initiating. It seems like he is using you for sex and that’s it.

    #782842 Reply

    tammy

    I don’t think hes into you much based on your post. and I certainly don’t feel hes using you for sex. you invited him to spend the night with you to which he agreed. most men would have accepted non committal easy sex. Please note that he dint initiate even that, you did.

    I think you need to cut your losses here and move on. your just chasing him and trying to get him to reconnect with you when he seems pretty disinterested. making him say things is not going to help I feel. you will just feel more frustrated and bad about self.

    you must stop initiating all contact with him. if he texts reply. but avoid long monologues and detailed conversations vide texts. don’t nag and don’t pls keep asking what he feels for you or make him say things that he doesn’t want to. that makes you sounds needy and insecure and will only put him off more. see him only when he makes plans to see you. keep your messages brief and let him take the conversation ahead.

    try it out for a couple of months and see how things flow. basically you put the ball in his court and just follow his cues. you will have all your answers then I think.

    #782868 Reply

    kaye

    Are you actually back together? Or did you just assume because you had been broken up for 3 months and he slept with you again that you are back together? Because to me it doesn’t sound like you are a couple.

    You showed up at a party he was at and you went home with him. It wasn’t a date, he didn’t go with you, and even though he’s had the whole past weekend off he made no effort to spend any time with you. Did you even have the conversation you were going to work on things together? Because when my husband and I were dating and we had broken up and got back together, we were discussing what went wrong, how things would be different going forward and spending lots of time together again to make it work.

    Just because he slept with you doesn’t mean he wants you back. It should be complicated with an ex if he’s actually your BOYFRIEND again!!!

    #782937 Reply

    Bri

    We’re not back together, we just had that talk. I told him I felt him kinda off and he just told me he’s confused and that dating is the last thing in his mind rn. I told him i’ll move on then and he told me he didn’t want that, that he wants to start over slowly. i told him i agree but that he has to make an effort to see me too and he said ok. But im not sure, I don’t want to force him to do something he doesn’t want to. I’m so confused what should i do?

    #782939 Reply

    kaye

    Him saying “dating is the last thing in his mind rn” and “that he wants to start over slowly” are 2 different things. To me it sounds like he doesn’t want you back but wants to keep you from moving on and meeting someone else.

    Is there a legitimate reason why dating should be on the back burner for him? Does he have issues going on with work, family, drugs/alcohol, etc? What is his reason for not wanting to work on your relationship?

    Unfortunately it takes two people and work and dedication to make a relationship work and when only one of them is trying it will fail every time. You can’t make him see you and spend more time with you. People choose to do what they want to do. If he’s not spending more time with you it’s because he doesn’t want to. So unless you tell me there is some legitimate reason like one of his parents is dying of cancer and he is having to take care of them or he’s in a custody battle with an ex and having to spend time with his kids, etc. then it’s just words. His actions don’t match!!

    #782940 Reply

    Bri

    Thats why we talked about it last night, i understand where he’s coming from because I gave him a hard time at the end of our relationship and he’s scared I won’t change. It seems like we both agreed on how we want to do things. But now I’m just overthinking everything and I don’t want to bring it up again, should I just let things flow and see where they go???

    #782942 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Tough love time: this guy is not into you. You chased him and you slept together and now it is confusing for both of you.

    Next time do not chase someone. You showed up at a party he was at? That is creepy.

    I suggest you just stop contacting him, my guess is it would fade out. You don’t need to end it as you are not dating.

    If he reaches out only engage for real dates. That he suggests and plans

    #782943 Reply

    Tallspicy

    You learned a valuable lesson in why you should let exes be exes.

    #782950 Reply

    Lane

    All I know is that a man is not willing to fight for the relationship there is nothing to fight for. I would step out and tell him you are not going to wait around, that you are worthy of having a man who is ALL IN, and if its not him then you need to let him go so you can meet him.

    Never grovel or wait around for a man, and do NOT go into *convincing* mode as that is worst place to be in. You need to do the opposite and go into *resisting mode* by making him be the one to convince you as to why he’s worthy of your time or attention! Take back your power, you can do it. :o)

    #783034 Reply

    LaFrance

    B

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