This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by tammy 4 months ago.
July 2, 2017 at 8:13 pm #638729
So back in January I told my so-called BFF how I was so completely in love with him. Ultimately, we had functioned like a couple for two years minus the sex. He basically said nothing, so we carried on as normal for a day, but then he felt the need to brag about having a date to me (we never talked about our dates). This hurt me deeply and I told him we are no longer friends. That it wasn’t that he had a date, but that he was painfully insensitive with his timing and that he could have given it space and mentioned it when he was more serious about this person. He never responded and we went our separate ways.
Well, today he sent me a light-hearted email asking to hang out like nothing ever happened. There was no mention of what happened.
I am now in a serious, healthy relationship and have no desire to upset this. I will probably not even respond. But I am curious… Why do you think he reached out? Why now?July 2, 2017 at 8:24 pm #638733
It probably didn’t work out with the other woman, but it doesn’t matter. Focus on the relationship you’re in now.July 2, 2017 at 8:31 pm #638734
You said he was your best friend. He missed you, his new relationship might have not worked out. In either case you were right about him, it was awfully insensitive of him to do that to you especially because oyu never talked about dates before. As soon as you told him about your feelings this was his way to tell you not to hope for anything. This guy has no empathy and his ability to understand another person’s feelings is non existent, he ignored your last message, not contacts you without any attempt to make up, friends don’t do that to each other.
You have my permission to ignore him this time LOL . If he really cares about you and restoring your friendship, he needs to learn a lesson and also need to learn to value you as a person, as a friend. He will reach out again if he cares and I hope he will. When he does make him explain himself, I am always curious what goes on in the heads of insensitive people. They are not evil or cruel they are just so dumb and incapable of understanding that their words and actions cause others pain and grief. Do deal with conflict by vanishing is disrespectful and even mean. When people care about you they don’t do such things. He could have reached out to you a few days later, but he didn’t. It’s been 6 months now.
I once had a fall out with a very dear friend, a male friend, no romantic liaison of any kind. We did not talk for 2 years. Then he reached out to me, but not via text or call. He came over. He wanted to talk face to face and we were able to reconcile and renew our friendship. I hope you would too. Sometimes people need to lose you to appreciate you. LOLJuly 2, 2017 at 9:09 pm #638738
Thanks for the kind words, Emma. I heard through friends that that date didn’t go anywhere and that he has been on dating sites, but isn’t seeing anyone.
I think if I ask him why he contacted me he won’t really say anything of substance. I think he will somehow joke around to avoid mentioning it.
My therapist believed he was in love with me, but had no capability of following through due to his past and the fact that he’s 45 and never married and no serious relationships. I’m not sure what I think other than that I agree with you that he is emotionally stunted.July 2, 2017 at 9:55 pm #638742
This is a guy you were in love with and even told your therapist. Ignore him if you value the relationship you’re in now because your guy will not understand why you want to try and mend the friendship! Don’t reply to his email unless you want to open up a can of worms..July 3, 2017 at 2:14 pm #638857
It’s not at all my goal to contact him back. I love my boyfriend and there is no way I’d put such a healthy, happy relationship at risk.
I’m just wondering why he would reach out after 6 months knowing how I feel and knowing how he feels.July 10, 2017 at 11:29 am #640297
So my friend contacted me again to explain that he contacted me because someone sent him a random product in the mail for his birthday and I seemed like the only logical person based on what the product is.
He then said he’s sorry for bothering me and that he’ll leave me be. What was the point in him reaching out yet again if he’s just going to leave me be? Is he hoping I will protest and respond? Or do you think he’s really going to leave me alone?
Btw, my bf knows about everything. We have committed to transparency, so I have read the email to him. He thinks my ex BFF is trying to reconcile.July 10, 2017 at 11:35 am #640300
why is that so important if you like the guy you are with?July 10, 2017 at 11:37 am #640302
Don’t contact him, there’s no point. You can’t know why he’s reaching out, you’re not a psychic and neither are we. But it’s not worth jeopardizing your new relationship, not at all.July 10, 2017 at 3:09 pm #640350
You seem adamant about needing an explanation. While I can’t read his mind, I can tell you what I believe is a probable reason for his behavior. And I will disclaim it also, by saying it doesn’t really matter. He’s not really a friend, as you’ve realized.
This is a messed up 45 y/o man, who has some real intimacy and communication issues.
He was not interested in you as anything more than platonic friend, and when you confessed your feelings it was too much for him to handle. He didn’t want to come right out and tell you he doesn’t feel that way about you, so he played an immature passive/aggressive game. He ignored your revelation, then rather than communicate honestly-he purposely told you he had a date to send a clear message he wouldn’t be dating you. It was intended to make you realize he never saw you as a GF. He’s incredibly immature, and lacking any sensitivity. But his response to your admission was certainly clear.
He may have reached out when he started to miss your attention and the ego stroke it provided ,and he may be lonely. Maybe his story about receiving something in the mail was true. Not that it matters. Bottom line? You dodged a bullet. Removing someone like this from your life is the only way to go.
People like this siphon the compassion and love from others, but don’t return it.
He will likely never change. Good riddance.March 19, 2019 at 1:13 am #743321
It’s understandable to second guess and want your “ex best friend” in your life. You spent a lot of time together, and at one point you held important, respective places in each other’s lives. We can all appreciate the fact that he’s trying to reconcile but… guard your heart. Things have changed and he showed his true character and lost your friendship. I think you can appreciate the good he brought to your life and the fact he’s (hopefully) growing – without having to let him back in.
He likely did miss you and was sorry but, when you see someone doing better than they ever were without you – it’s a bitter lesson that they missed out on the amazingness that is you.
Don’t second guess yourself and worry about what his intentions were. Take it at face value and move on.March 19, 2019 at 5:41 am #743328