Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ended it after two dates – was I right?
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Sam.
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Angel
So I am online dating and met this guy in person twice. He asked me for my availability to go for the third date – it was this past Monday and I told him Friday, Sat or Sunday night would work well (I know I gave him the ‘best nights of the week’ but this is more driven by the fact that I am a single mum and my weekday nights are busy with school homework. He knows it). So anyway, Monday I told him Fri, Sat, or Sun night. He asked what I wanted to do and offered a choice between going for a walk or going to dinner. I said I would not be averse to going to dinner. He asked me if I had any allergies or dietary requirements. To what I texted ‘nope, all standard’. Then he texts back ‘Fish & chips it is then (smile)’. I was a bit shocked TBH. I live in the UK and people may know, fish a chips is pub food or food you get in ‘fish or chips shops’ – like takeaways etc. Did not sound like a well thought through or we ll planned out option! I did not respond anything to that text (later I thought it was maybe a joke, ie he tried to joke about my ‘standard food tastes’ to the point fish & chips would be ok).
Anyway, radio silence from him since the fish & chips text until now (Thursday night here). He texted just now saying how are you and how was your week. As I had been already off put by the fish and chips text and kind of written him off, I basically responded along the lines of no need to message further thank you. He texts back he was surprised and was giving me time as he knows I have commitments, that he is sorry but wishes me well. What do you ladies think, did I overreact by ending it? (Up until that text conversation I was not overly the moon about him after the 2 dates but thought I’d go out one more time and see).
Vera
No you didn’t overreact .
I’m more concerned about the fact that he did not finalize a day by Thursday night . That’s enough grounds to let him goSissy
Gf, tbh, I think you did.I’m in USA. Us fish and chips like pizza here? Pizza is easy, convenient, and some guys can’t cook, so as a causal thing, they say pizza and chill. It may come across high maintenance. It’s the tHought that counts. If you didn’t want that, you could of offered to make something. Are you interested in him? Bc it kinda sounds petty. He did atleast consider food allergies.
Liz Lemon
It wasn’t wrong to end it because you weren’t feeling it with this guy. You said so yourself. You didn’t feel enthusiastic about him & were just giving him one more chance. If you were enthused about him, you would have made a witty comeback or laughed at the joke. The comment would not have affected you so much if you were into him. And honestly the feeling may have been mutual, I can’t imagine a guy who wanted to impress a woman making a comment like that. Plus he waited until Thursday, 3 full days later, to attempt to confirm. So no, it wasn’t wrong to end it. I don’t think either one of you was that into it, honestly.
T from NY
I am not sure what you’re asking here? I think the jury is out if this guy was being lazy or not interested. I do think you overreacted. He followed up like he said he would to confirm a date. You could have responded warmly, told him how you’re week was going and asked – so where are we going for dinner? – to see if he was really only going to get you pub food. If you were miffed that he had not confirmed a day sooner you could have said – Only available X day now, but looking forward to seeing you! If you didn’t like him, weren’t feeling it, you don’t have to have a reason to end it.
In the early stages of interacting with a man – Sometimes men are seeing other women and our happy attitude can eventually bring them back to us as their favorite. Sometimes men are concerned about losing their freedom, therefore treat us a little casually at first, but then have such a good time when we don’t have ulterior motives of securing a relationship quickly, they choose us on their own accord. Sometimes they are on the fence about if they see us as girlfriend material so subconsciously (or consciously) test us to see if we’ll put out with minimal effort, then if we don’t they move on OR they look at us differently and make more of an effort. My point is – dating should be fun. Men should treat you with respect. Then you see where it goes. It was only the 3rd date. That, to me, is too early to call a man’s intentions unless he was crazy disrespectful.
Newbie
I think its fine you ended this if you werent feeling it after two dates but you do sound like you spend too much time on reading how to be of value. And losing your sense of humour in the meantime. You gave him ‘the best nights’? I mean who thinks that after 2 dates? And then go all turned off solely by fish and chips? I think it was a joke. And a test.
But if you were not that keen, its fine.Newbie
I personally have issues with guys paying for expensive dinners a few times in a row so i would have probably picked the walk if i was interested
Ss
I think the OP meant that she gave him the best possible nights of the week to be free? Meaning she was trying to say she knows the “rules” suggest not to give so many options?
OP its obvious you weren’t feeling “it” as you chose to assume he was serious about fish and chips rather than assume its a joke and send a jovial response.
Its ok to end it for any reason. With I the fish and chips thing i think you reacted in an over the top way with it. A pub meal is fine for a date and yes pubs often have overpriced fish and chips on the menu so unless you really thought he was going to buy you some fish and chips to take away, your reaction to this was ott but only because i think it was a reason for you to use to not explore things further
Anderson
Bottom line, you shouldn’t be concerned with if you were in the wrong or not. Everyone has different preferences/tastes. And if someone suggesting fish and chips is so insulting that you’d dump them, then that’s you. I always have respect for those who stay true to themselves even if I disagree with them.
There’s women on the other side of the spectrum too. Those who would prefer something casual to eat instead of something pricey or fancy. Likewise, they’re not wrong for being turned off by someone being extravagant.
If this was someone you were actually over the moon about and still reacted the way that you did, then I wouldn’t be able to resist judging you really hard. But then again, that’s a result of my own preferences.
Personally the women I’ve fallen for and spoiled/pampered are the ones you couldn’t win over or impress solely by “buying” them. Kind of ironic. On the other hand the women I’ve run into or observed who threw tantrums or had terrible temperaments because someone didn’t spend more than X on them or buy them Y… make me tempted to suggest “fish and chips” on a second date because it sounds like a pretty effective test/filter :-)
Angel
Thanks guys for your views. Always appreciate some ‘tough love’ from this forum ;)! So just to give context: our first date was a walk in the park (he paid for takeaway coffees) and the second – he drove us to a hiking place about an hour away and I offered to pay for lunch (pub lunch haha ;) to what he said lets go dutch. So up until 3rd day it was going pretty casual / equal and I was fine with that. I admit that I was looking for him to ramp the effort just a bit for the third date. Partly because ‘I was not feeling it’ too much and as you rightly said, I had the impression he wasn’t overly feeling it either, so in my head it was also a kind of a test to see what plan he would come up with for date three and gauge more his interest / effort. It was just the combo of the fish & chips text plus a 3 day silence of not making a plan which signalled to me he was possibly not dying to impress me either (agree with Liz here).
Having slept on it now, I do not feel regret for ending things – I think it is one of those cases when if it’s not hell yeah then it’s a no (both his vibe and my feeling).
@ Anderson – you are raising a very good point, like generosity of spirit, right? Ie – we naturally want to give more to people who do not demand it or do not seek validation from it, correct? Very well said and there is indeed possibly more work to be done for me in this space. Cause I noticed that I do tend to occasionally ‘keep tabs’ or seek validation from how much the guy spends on me or what he does for me materially – like, it is an important clue for how he feels about me. But what you are saying here (I think) – is that it should be first and foremost about the connection and the expectation to be paid for or to be provided for is off putting for the giver. Point taken – thank you all so much x
Ewa
Problem with online dating is that most people don’t feel it, like you said, because they come home from a date to 10 unanswered messages from other women , that is the ‘beauty’ of online dating. But again if you weren’t really that into him then what’s the point.
and I think his fish and chips text was a joke :)
Sam
It was definitely him trying to be cute/funny.. sounds like you just weren’t feeling it..
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