Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ended a 5 year relationship and am completely lost
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Ginger.
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Yougrowgirl
Hi everyone,
3 days ago my 5 year relationship ended. I am 23 and he is 25. For about a year our sex life completely fizzled out, and I was just never in the mood to do anything. We lived in a flat together and still nothing intimate was ever happening, apart from cuddling and massages. It started getting to the point where I was fancying other people and that panicked me.
So, after months of deliberating, we both decided that it was best to end things. Our relationship had run its course and we both ended things really mutually and amicably.
But I am REALLY struggling. For context, he is the most gentle, caring, funny, fantastic and kind hearted human being I’ve ever met. I’m not exaggerating when I say we are absolute best friends and get on like a house on fire.
He is still in the flat whilst we sort logistics out, and all I want to do is just cuddle him all the time. Everything is making me cry constantly. Everyone keeps saying it’s the right thing to do if I don’t see him in my future, but I really do, like for example imagining having kids with him is great cos I know he’s be an amazing dad. The intimacy just wasn’t there but I so wish it was.He just went to his parents for the weekend and I literally bawled my eyes out after he left. I just wanted to run after him and tell him to come back and it’ll all be okay. But this deliberating has gone on for months and months now. I know deep down it’s the right thing to do but I keep panicking that it’s not. I feel like I’d be so happy if we rekindled when we’re older, but now is not the right time. How do I get through this??? :(
Sadie
I’m sorry this is happening. The way to get through this is exactly this, choosing your future and not acting on the short lived happiness. Its okay to cry, and continue to cry, but after a little bit, make sure you get up. Go see a friend, go to the gym and go try new activities to fill the hole till you are one.
It’ll be okay. Proud of you for doing the right thing for both of you.
Ss
Mesowhat … please don’t shout its too early 🙄
Thats some terrible advice too.
OP – its hard and it hurts but you are doing what is right for you both. Stay strong, remember this will pass and you are doing this for the both of you and a better future xx
Raven
One day at a time, Yougrowgirl…
Amy
I am going through almost the same thing right now, only 4 years and I understand and appreciate the friendly, amicable breakup. Then you see them and you fall to pieces, even if you know in your heart it’s the right decision for both of you. So often we respond from pure emotion, rather than from rational thought. Try and think about the “bad” things, the things that caused the breakup. Remember the not so happy times and why you ended the relationship. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, or that you no longer love him. It’s just very, very sad and it’s OK to cry. Just don’t act out of emotion and go begging him back because the same problems will surface again. It’s sad for him too, and for everyone involved, but you WILL get over it and you will find happiness in your life again very soon. I am a living example! Good luck to you.
Ginger
I find myself in the same boat sort of. About a month ago, my BF of 5 years that lived with me kissed me goodbye in the morning and told me he loved me. He came home that night, after we had a disagreement about the dog via text, and told me he thought about things and thought we should break up and he would be moving out. He asked for time to find a place and move his things. That lasted one night and he was physically ill over being there and stayed with a friend until he found his own apartment. When asked for an excuse, he kept saying he thought it was due to being couped up during COVID. Two weeks before the news, we had just returned from an amazing vacation together. Even he said it was a great vacation. 2 days before the news he was planning a Labor Day trip for us. So when I pressed for a reason, I said to him if you no longer love me just say so. And so he said so….. he texted me that he was sorry but he no longer loved me. It took a month for him to move his things out and find a place. He kept saying contradictory things such as this isn’t what he wanted, he’s sad and upset over this, he misses me and the dog, and he thought that we could still do things together. That was last week but then in seeing how upset I was, he texted me that he was sorry it had to be like this and maybe we need more time apart and maybe in time things will get better. He moved all his things out a week ago tomorrow. And I was the one that insisted he get everything so that I could heal without seeing a home that we built and decorated together. I could not sit in the house and look at his things any longer. We live in the same neighborhood, but he stopped going to normal places we go. Yesterday he deleted all my family and a lot of mutual contacts from Facebook and unfollowed me on Instagram. I have been a week of no contact and it is just tearing me up inside knowing that he seems so unaffected by the loss of our 5 year relationship. I mean we were friends…best of friends and did a lot together. How is he able to move on so quickly and get over me?
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