This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Honeypie 4 months ago.
August 2, 2019 at 3:39 pm #758824
Hello :) first of all sorry for my English. Second it’s gonna be long post so prepare yourself. So.. I’m from Europe he’s from America. I met him on language app. It’s started like a normal conversation. We’re talking a lot everyday about everything. At the beginning he was just another friend but after some time I realized I like him more and more. I discovered feelings for him. You know how it works. When I couldn’t hide it anymore I asked who I was for him. He told that he liked me a lot, more than he should. That he also had feelings for me and he was surprised because we’ve never met etc. He even wanted to start a relationship but I said no… We wanted to meet and see if feelings we have are real. We were supposed to meet in October while his internship in Europe. But it’s not gonna happen. He’s not going there.. I was looking forward to meeting him and now… since 2 months it’s not the same. We’re not talking as much as we used to. Idk why, he used to ignore me sometimes and I was mad so I told him about it. He was sorry but keeps doing it. I realized that I can’t require talking to him all the time because he has his own life there and I’m just a tiny part of it. He didn’t agree. I’m not a tiny part. He asked to try to talk as before and I said ok. But now idk if it was right. Like why we keep talking? Why? What is it all for if we won’t meet soon? Maybe never. He’s sure we will meet someday and he’s also afraid I will meet someone else anytime. Maybe that’s why he distanced himself from me. Because that’s what he did. Idk what go do. Should I continue working on it or just give up and move on? I can’t imagine saying goodbye. I really want to meet him but it seems like there’s no future for us :( help me please.August 2, 2019 at 5:39 pm #758829
1 word = Catfishing…August 2, 2019 at 7:42 pm #758838
So much drama over a man you never even met and can’t possibly date because of distance. Why are women so stupid.August 12, 2019 at 9:25 am #759904
Omg I’ve noticed you commenting on many questions. The ladies here are already feeling frustrated there’s no need for you to reply them with such a mean tone.August 12, 2019 at 9:53 am #759911
I don’t understand why women meet men online who live impossibly far away. That isn’t dating. It makes no sense. Which was her original question. Of course it makes no sense to expect some stranger from miles away to become your boyfriend.August 12, 2019 at 6:44 pm #760013
@agnek did he say why he wasn’t going there? It’s hard to tell if he’s insecure or just stringing you along. Or both. I don’t like ultimatums, and only you know him better than anyone else ever could, but you should try to make the meet-up a reality. How long have you known each other?August 12, 2019 at 6:53 pm #760014
@omg not to make you feel like you’re being ganged up on. But you should check out the subreddit LongDistance or LDR. I don’t know if it will anger you or be heartwarming to see so many long distance couples sharing their success stories. Yes, there is risk involved in long distance relationships. Yes, they break up even more often than in-person relationships. Yes, they make a relationship 10 times harder to work through than they actually are. But it’s possible for some people to form a romantic connection even if you’ve never physically met them. For these people conversation is often a huge form of developing intimacy. Dates are in the eye of the beholder. Maybe for you, physical presence is a must for a date. For others, a movie on the phone is a date. Eating dinner on video chat is a date. Falling asleep together on video chat is a date.
I’m not going to tell you to change your beliefs and preferences. But just have the courtesy to not shame others for something that means a lot to _them_ :)August 12, 2019 at 7:04 pm #760018
If someone wants to entertain a LDR without even meeting the person they can do what they want. Most times it’s called catfishing so not sure your planet Anderson. Unless they are already in a relationship or so broken they can’t do a face to face it’s not a real relationship. Obviously you fit into one of those categories. If those relationships really did work we wouldn’t have so many women on here acting confused and concerned. So easy to lead someone on virtually. It’s not about shaming it’s about waking them up to the fact that if a man lives thousands of miles away he isn’t going to become your husband or boyfriend. He picked a woman that far away for a reason. Most normal men, and obviously not you Anderson, want to spend time in person with their woman. Show her off. Do things for her. Not face time and text.August 12, 2019 at 7:05 pm #760019
I never feel ganged up on. I speak what I want. If someone wants a virtual husband or boyfriend, which sounds pathetic, go at it. Speaks volumes to the fact they can’t handle an in person and real relationship.August 12, 2019 at 7:08 pm #760022
Normal guys by the way, and not you Anderson, don’t bond just through talking. It’s a fact that the person breaking up from LDR is almost always the guy because he needs to do things with a woman, be with her, have sex with her. Texting and talking only goes so far and he finally finds someone local he can really connect with.August 12, 2019 at 7:57 pm #760029
@omg I thought you were a troll at first but your opinions are actually real. Your claim that all long distance relationships are a sham or dysfunctional just because there are so many women confused about it on a _support forum_ speaks volumes. If you were a physical therapist and saw runners always come in with injuries you would conclude running is futile and will only result in injuries. Why would anyone make a post on a forum if their LDR was successful?
I could argue my point at length, but don’t worry. I recognize you have something personal against LDR. Sometimes people believe not what they want or makes sense to them, but that what they’re comfortable with. Good luck to you and I hope you find peace in whatever worldview you choose to have.August 12, 2019 at 11:21 pm #760054
Better off single
He realized it was an unrealistic fantasy and chose to live in reality.August 12, 2019 at 11:32 pm #760055
Better off single
I agree with omg. Virtual boyfriend/girlfriend….pathetic.
it’s possible for some people to form a romantic connection even if you’ve never physically met them. I do agree with that part. It. Is. Not. Enough. You start to make up what its going to be like when you are finally with the person and it’s all in fantasyland because you don’t really know what it’s going to be like and it can possibly turn out horrible. People change their minds. Some instantly. Others, it takes awhile.
It gets old fast. He wants a person not a digital chime and some random text. so he’s probably out looking for a real person to be with or just gave up on it entirely and wants to live his life in his own way in peace. Let him go. Be realistic.August 13, 2019 at 4:05 pm #760121
@Anderson he’s not going there because he doesn’t have enough money. I understand it. But he also was on vacation for almost a month outside the country. If he really cared about me he would have come to see me instead. Prorities…
I’m trying to distance myself because it’s the best thing I can do.August 13, 2019 at 4:25 pm #760122
And we have known eachother for one yearAugust 13, 2019 at 5:04 pm #760125
He can feed you whatever excuses he wants. That’s typical with LDR. Too busy, too stressed, no time,no money, Yada yada. It might be my bias that LDR doesn’t work, but the scenario plays over and over again. Normal people who want a real intimate and romantic relationship don’t hide behind a phone and distance. This guy could afford a months worth of vacation but could not afford to see this woman he has been chatting with for a year and is supposedly in a relationship.
Anderson I don’t base my opinion on just a forum. I honestly don’t know anyone who has had a successsful LDR. Unless you already have an established foundation prior to the LDR it’s unlikely someone you meet online long distance is going to pan out. People who want a real relationship don’t seek out people who they can’t possibly or easily spend time with.August 14, 2019 at 4:27 am #760143
OMG I don’t think it’s the content of your advice that’s the issue, it’s your delivery. Calling someone stupid etc in the way you do is mean and hurting someone who is clearly already struggling. It’s not required. It actually diminishes the advice you give. To be as blunt as you are: don’t be so bloody horrible.