This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sonny 3 months, 3 weeks ago.
March 17, 2019 at 5:19 pm #743168
I was friends with my ex for about five years before we got together. In fact I had been friends with his partner before me and him for that time. Wen they split, we got close and then got together. We stayed together around 15 months, then split for a short while, before getting back together again for around 8 months again. During this time the second time round we lived together but it didn’t work.
Since then we remained close friends. We still did things together- evenings out and he supported me with things I did too like I sing and so he’d come along to local gigs and so on.
I am now with someone new and have been since end of last year, but I will admit I still feel for him and noticed this in particular when he got together with a new woman a little after me. We had contact everyday through text, and I noticed he’d go a couple of text from me before he responded, and his initiating of them was much less. He then had a chat with me saying maybe we should text less and concentrate on our new relationships. That he still wants to be friends but we should have less contact. I felt crushed- that he was choosing her over me, and told him I find it hard to know he’s with someone else.
Subsequently I stopped contact for a week and heard nothing from him at all. I was shocked so sent him a text about something I still had at my house, and he collected it and was polite and chatty coming in for a coffee and asking how things were for me. I felt this was mixed messages and I wonder if his new girlfriend has a problem with our friendship. She’s everywhere, on his insta, his fb- everywhere. More recently I’ve had to contact him to collect something important that was delivered to my house as he had registered for something months back. Our texts through this were like the old days of friendship before she come on the scene. Chatting, asking how I am, wishing me luck for something I’m doing that he knows is important and even putting a kiss to them. I’m starting to wonder if he’s coming back round to wanting contact again now the novelty of her is settling and if I’ll start to hear more. Should I initiate more to provoke more from him do you think? I want our friendship back. I loved our daily contacts and resent that it’s gone and suspect it’s due to her. It’s just not like him to drop me like he did and that’s what it felt like.March 17, 2019 at 5:30 pm #743169
You can’t exoect a man who has a girlfriend to be in touch with you everyday. He isn’t your boyfriend. And as a platonic friend what can you possibly have that is so important to share daily?
Why didn’t things work out between the two of you? If you already had two break ups with him you probably aren’t compatible. Honor his wishes and let him focus on his new relationship. You should do the same.
Him coming over to get something that was his, isn’t mixed messages.
Not sure why you are jealous of this other woman. It seems you want everything. The attention of your current boyfriend and full attention from an ex. That’s a big ego boost but he isntyour man anymore. Live you own life.March 17, 2019 at 5:40 pm #743170
I know it’s difficult but you really need to RESPECT him and his relationship. He’s with a new lady and need to detach yourself from the unrealistic fantasy you’ve developed in your head. He’s turned the page to a new chapter, gave you two and sadly the story didn’t go the way you intended or planned.
It’s also not fair to be seeing this guy while harboring feelings for him. It’s disrespectful to him also. If I were you I would refrain talking to your ex and finding excuses to do so. Either try with the guy you’re seeing or set him free and take more time to detach from your ex. It’s the right thing to do.March 17, 2019 at 7:17 pm #743177
I have so much to say about this, unfortunately it would get me banned…
Please break up with your current BF-
He deserves someone who really cares for him.March 17, 2019 at 8:07 pm #743181
What part “We should text less and concentrate on our new relationships” don’t you understand? He wants to be happy with his girlfriend, not you. Why are you not listening?March 17, 2019 at 9:30 pm #743183
No he doesn’t still have feelings for you.March 17, 2019 at 10:47 pm #743190
His GIRLFRIEND is not forcing him to cut contact with you, but he chooses to because she’s probably uncomfortable with you being a ‘friend,’
Can you blame her?
You’re out to steal her boyfriend. Women know
Besides, if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you now.
He’s being way too polite to protect hurting your feelings. Hopefully it will get to the point where he will be forced to block you.
So back off lady, he’s chosen the woman he wants to be with, and you’re just a relationship from the past, which didn’t work out.
Hopefully your present boyfriend will also catch on that you’re using him.
You’re somebody who will destroy anybody or anything in your path to fulfill your own desires. Textbook homewrecker.
You simply want what you can’t have, and like being the center of attention with guys and past boyfriends, and can’t take it when they move on with another girl.
If you did get him back, I bet you would drop him in a flash, if some guy you considered more of a catch came along…taken or notMarch 17, 2019 at 10:57 pm #743192
Better off single
Crisula, those are bold assumptions to a stranger. And very mean. You have no idea who she is and ripping into her like that is a total b*tch move.March 17, 2019 at 11:10 pm #743194
Mean? I’m the bitch? lololol
Listen, I’m not the one trying to steal somebody else’s boyfriend, while stringing along my own boyfriend.
Seems Raven has her number too.
Precious of you to stick up for her thoughMarch 18, 2019 at 3:24 am #743204
I want to point out that we were friends before we got together- although our contact was much less. More sporadic and with both him and his partner before me, but then after we split this time he was contacting me every day as well as me until she came along. Even then it continued for a few weeks until his talk to me about reducing it. He was as happy as I was with our contact after we split including doing what friends do- out for dinner together and so on.
He has dropped me for this woman and it really hurts. I thought we would always stay close- he said that’s what he wanted, as friends and we’re until he met her so I’m pretty sure this is her as I know him so well over so many years. I don’t want to get back with him, I find it hard he’s with someone else and this has taken him away from our close friendship that he said wouldn’t changeMarch 18, 2019 at 5:37 am #743205
“I don’t want to get back with him, I find it hard he’s with someone else”
You don’t want him yourself but don’t want anyone else to have him. This isn’t grounds for a healthy friendship. Imagine if your boyfriend was having feelings like this for an ex – how would that make you feel?March 18, 2019 at 7:38 am #743207
You are not over the romantic feelings you have for this guy and that is evident when you are upset he’s with someone else and really can’t handle that feeling of jealousy. You cannot be friends with him until you heal from your break-up with him.
I would look at my current relationship and see if I am using him to get over this other guy.March 18, 2019 at 8:02 am #743208
Sorry confused but things have changed and you have to change with them. He intentionally and clearly explained his reasons for limiting his contact with you and need to RESPECT his reasons and wishes. Would you have like him talking to your friend (his ex) every single day or hours a day while with you? Of course not, so you need to stop trying to keep or seek his attention because a true good friend would want their friends HAPPY! If you don’t want him happy and are trying to sabotage his relationship then you’re NOT a good friend or person.
Stop this now because if you keep it up and cross the line he’ll be forced to block you contact with you is affecting his relationship. His girlfriend has every right to not have his EX GIRLFRIEND in their relationship! Trying to use the “friend” and not EX GIRLFRIEND title isn’t helping your case and if you are seen as the source of disharmony in their relationship he’ll cut you off.
Stop taking advantage of his ‘niceness’ or you may meet Mr. Not So Nice Guy if you keep forcing yourself on him or try to sabotage their relationship. Just because your miserable doesn’t mean you have to make everyone else miserable! I suggest you take some time to work out your own stuff and not be so reliant on others for your happiness—that ultimately comes from within.March 18, 2019 at 9:51 am #743221
Totally what Lane and the other ladies here say. Confused really? Your view, behaviour and expectations are unbelievably unrealistic and I would imagine his girlfriend absolutely has your number… she won’t be daft.March 19, 2019 at 5:57 am #743329
what relationship u guys had in the past is over. you tried to make it work twice. that’s shows you both liked each other but that you guys are simply not compatible. u guys tried and things dint work. so what are you trying to hold on to? its over with this man. he has gone back to being just a friend and is fine with it. he has even told you that he has a gf now and has to focus on her so would like lesser interaction between you guys. he has been so clear. so what are you not understanding? what you guys had in the past has changed. relationships friendships change over time. and you need to see things as they are and accept the fact that the past dynamics have changed. frankly its embarrassing to see you trying so hard to push yourself into a man’s life when he has clearly told you that you need to clear out and let him make some space.
please accept the fact that the past is over. you have to move on. focus on your life and your new man. let go of old relationships and friendships which have gone past their expiry date.March 19, 2019 at 12:59 pm #743353
He is with someone now and as friend you need to respect his wishes.
Even if the request to lessen communication came from her, he obviously wants to make sure she is happy and comfortable.
You’ve made this all about you and haven’t considered him. Please back off and focus on your relationship because the way you are into this ex I’m sure your current bf notices it.
Honestly, I think you need to reconsider this relationship altogether.
I’ve been friends with an ex and when they started dating someone I made sure to give him space. While I missed the friendship I respected the relationship more and connected with others.March 19, 2019 at 4:40 pm #743390
Whilst I do respect what you are all saying, I still believe these are mixed messages. I put up a fb picture of my latest gig. He’d usually like or love that sort of post, but he didn’t. Instead he sent me a fb pm saying hey! Well done at nailing that! ‘
Why not just like the pic and comment like he used to? To me he doesn’t want her to see and still wants to connect in private and she’d never know which I again read that this is from her not himMarch 19, 2019 at 4:51 pm #743391
To be honest it sounds like he wants to keep it friendly with you for the sake of being friends. Him being secretive on fb seems to be less an indiction f him still liking you and ore that he doesnt want to upset his girlfriend (who is weary of you cos you’r an “ex- girlfriend” and lets face it, are still interested in him romantically….at least that what it sounds like to me)
I dont see anything that suggests he is still into you, he just seems to like you like a friend .If i were you i d back off completelyMarch 27, 2019 at 1:21 pm #744155
I have wondered if I should reignite this thread as I’ve posted about the entire opposite situation- I am the girlfriend of a man who had kept in contact with his ex. I want you to know that women (and men) who behave like you don’t do so out of any concern for your ex or ‘friend’ and it’s really clear you have way more feelings than you pretend. It’s upsetting to the current partner that an ex interferes as you clearly have, and if the man shows you where the boundary is and you don’t understand why then the problem lays with you.
Reading your thread I can see how much non friendship feelings you have and how jealous you are that your ex has moved on. Normal friends are happy for the friends and understand they take a big back seat when an ex who is still a friend has a new love. I suggest you get a man of your own and leave them to their life. It doesn’t matter if he is not wanting you contacting all the time or she doesn’t or both of them, his actions show you what he does and doesn’t want. it isn’t the right thing for you to be doing you must know that.March 27, 2019 at 1:29 pm #744158
I’ve just realised you are actually with someone new! Even more shame on you with how you’re behaving. And in regard to not liking your fb post and sending oh a message in private, maybe his girlfriend knows all about it, has that occurred to you at all. You have no idea about what they do or don’t discuss.