This topic contains 28 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ash 6 months ago.
January 12, 2018 at 12:55 pm #678503
We started talking yesterday on tinder,exchanged 3 messages then he asked for my number.
I gave him it,then he asked me for a drink tomorrow.
I said il let you know (as its soon and I know nothing about him).
Now tonight he has just rang me (I feel uncomfortable talking to someone I’ve never met)
I didn’t answer .
January 12, 2018 at 1:00 pm #678504
You think he’s odd? How are you supposed to get to know someone if you won’t talk with them or meet? Ugh.. if you go on an app what did you think would happen? Ok.. I’m cranky today and don’t understand stupid.January 12, 2018 at 1:04 pm #678505
Well I expect to actually know the basics before meeting someoneJanuary 12, 2018 at 1:08 pm #678506
How do you expect to know the basic if you won’t take his call. Omg. Pick up the phone and have a conversation. You may not want to even have a date after talking, it’s not odd a man wants to talk, it’s actually rare. Most guys will waste your time for months talking via text and never even want to talk or meet with you. Obviously you have never done this before? Just don’t accept a home date. Meet sooner than later, if you do, because unfortunately too many women talk for too long on text with these strangers and then either never meet or meet after a lot of wasted time and don’t even like each other in real life.January 12, 2018 at 1:09 pm #678507
I don’t really like people calling me without asking if it’s a good time/setting up a time first… so I understand that part… but no it’s not odd. Maybe more proactive than you like? Anyway, just text him and let him know that you prefer to get to know someone a bit via messaging first. Ask him any questions that you have. Or set up a time for a brief phone call. I don’t know about tinder as I’ve never used it but I do think people on their are often looking for instant gratification. however, when I was on okcupid I used the above approach and no one was ever not willing to chat for a few days or whatever before meeting.January 12, 2018 at 1:10 pm #678508
So it’s odd to want to talk on the phone and talk about the basics? You shouldn’t be online meeting people.January 12, 2018 at 1:12 pm #678510
Are people so socially retarded these days that they can’t talk on the phone, and can only do it by hiding behind a phone and text? I would x you out immediately because if you can’t hold a real conversation, you would be odd to me. This is why millennials can’t seem to date proper or marry .. they are so addicted to typing they can’t put a real sentence together, ask DeeJanuary 12, 2018 at 1:25 pm #678513
Bingo! @crazy. You can said it. Idiots who can’t communicate except by text.January 12, 2018 at 2:13 pm #678522
My HB’s buddy (one of them), recently divorced, and recently out of a one-year relationship, he says tinder is no longer just a hookup app. He is the type who is not looking for hookups and he found his “ex”, the one-year old relationship via tinder.
You need to pay attention to what the profile says, how the person interacts and what they say. Most men these days are VERY experienced, they know how to navigate messaging, conversations, etc. If they do or say something, it is not an odd occurrence. They know what they are doing. Some of they perfect this “skill”. They read online and buy books.
My HB has 4 buddies who are actively looking for a woman. Ages 38-42. I am their “secret advisor” (well not so secret as I blurt everything out to my HB of course the minute I have a chance, but they don’t mind haha). The “secret” is meant for their “future” GFs, so that those women don’t know about our conversations and I can assure you they won’t. Anyway, going back to my main point, women do NOT underestimate men. Do not assume they do not read dating books or learn how to date or pay attention to every little thing you say or do, they are paying too much attention, I’d say, over analyzing things a lot (!!). But they know what they are doing, they know the power balance is in their favour, they are not naive or clueless or day dreaming all the time, or focused on their work so much so that they “forget” the women they are chasing. They do not forget anything!!
The guys I am talking about maybe above average intelligence, managers, 6 figure salaries. decent looks, no short-ies, good shape, a great catch each one of them. Despite being divorced every one of them is OPEN to a long term relationship if they find the right woman. They are not just hunting VGs. In fact they seem not to want “just sex”. None of them is addicted to porn. Maybe because they are over 35, maybe because they are more intelligent than the average Joe, I don’t know. Overall they ARE the type of guys most women want to get. If you want to catch this type of a guy do not be a “silly fool”. Treat them like a highly intelligent attentive people. Who remember their commitments, appointments etc. If you do not hear from a guy there is a REASON. But is it not that he is “forgot”, “scared”, “not ready”, “afraid of intimacy”. None of that. It means he is not sure about YOU. Something YOU said or did alarmed him and he is pulling away to wait and see what you’d do next. In most cases women lose their cool and start chasing, first by “hinting” something they think is very subtle, but then openly asking and almost pleading. Messaging again and again “just to say something funny”.
Give men some credit! Treat them seriously, respect what they tell you, take note and adjust your behaviour accordingly. If he tells you not to text him at work but you do, he thinks you ignore his needs. Of course it goes both ways, so you need to tell them directly as well what you like and what you don’t, you can’t expect them to read your mind.
I never defend rudeness or trashy manners that are so prominent among men these days, but I have to say women can be so pathetic LOL
He called you, it is a good thing! Talk to him, ask him questions, communicate.January 12, 2018 at 2:20 pm #678523
Ok Emma where are these guys lol ?January 12, 2018 at 2:30 pm #678525
@emma, thanks and wow, so important to understand. I am the female version of this, except I don’t date at all, but I’m hot enough to get a man, should a wothy one come along. I live alone and have no drama whatsoever in my life. And my mind is healthy enough to only consider a man if he brings no drama and sees me for the smart old gal that I am.
Where are the guys? One suggestion is that i Work in a downtown area where all the courthouses and lawyers offices are clustered together. There a re kazillions of bailiffs, sherrifs, paralegal, lawyer s and judges swarming all over. Single and intelligent.January 12, 2018 at 3:09 pm #678535
It’s a dating site…
How are you going to get to know someone if you don’t meet?!January 12, 2018 at 3:47 pm #678539
T from NY
I feel so sorry for men trying to get to know women these days. They can’t win for trying half the time. Take a half hour and get to know the dude over the phone for heavens sake!! You are LUCKY he is mature enough, interested enough in pursuing something, that he called you! And FYI — back in the day — you not only just answered the phone when it rang (with no prior planning in advance) you might not even know WHO was calling (gasp)!!
Hearing someone’s voice, exchanging dialogue and seeing how a man handles himself verbally is a great indicator if there will be chemistry or not. It’s an excellent first step prior to scheduling a quick meet-up. He may or may not turn out to be “odd” but wanting to talk to you or calling you sure as hell doesn’t warrant that reaction.January 12, 2018 at 4:00 pm #678542
No. Don’t respond, you are too crazy to meet a nice guy like this, keep meeting the other dudes who want to chat like you for months on text,January 12, 2018 at 5:29 pm #678548
I am sitting here shocked that we live in an age where someone calling you and talking to you BEFORE a date is considered ODD!! Any guy I dated online I talked to FIRST before I ever went on a date. Yes I normally scheduled those calls so I wouldn’t be in the middle of something and could give him my full attention but if a guy called me out of the blue I would text him and ask him if he could call back in an hour or so because I was in the middle of something. Saves a lot of time talking to someone on the phone to know if you’re even interested in accepting a date! Try it…you just might like it!!January 12, 2018 at 5:36 pm #678549
We are here warning women to never chat too mich before meeting and to pick up a phone instead of texting lol.
When I don’t kbow a guy yet and he wznts to meet, I do a coffee in a very public place, preferably when it’s light outside. There’s no harl in that. And I tell someone where I’ll be and at what time. One time, a guy wanted to pick me up with his car and I didnnt rezlly know him well yet so I sent my roommate the guy’s license plate when he arrived and sent a location of the restaurant he took me.
But you have to go oit and meet people in person. Just, in public for a quick drink is fine and safe.January 12, 2018 at 6:38 pm #678551
I think you missed a great opportunity to get to know a little bit about him.
Phone conversations reveal quite a bit and this would have created some familiarity.
Return his phone call and chat for about 30 minutes. Then based on how you feel about the phone call you can either accept or decline the date.January 12, 2018 at 7:27 pm #678556
I don’t think his behavior is “odd” at all. However, if you are uncomfortable for any reason, you don’t have to date him.
Personally, I don’t like to meet a stranger from the interest without messaging them for a bit. More important to me is that I don’t meet strangers for a drink (at a bar or their house especially). Now for the phone call, I don’t like surprise first calls (I’m not great on the phone especially unprepared), but talking definitely has an advantage before meeting someone. Hearing their voice, get a feel for them, ask questions, whatever.
In any case, the most important thing you can do is communicate in some way… and don’t expect him to read your mind. If you want to get to know him before meeting, don’t just say “I’ll let you know” on the date when that’s not really what you are saying… you are saying that you aren’t ready to meet but would be if you get to know him some first. If you can’t do a phone call, ask him if he would be okay with text. And if there is something you want to know, ask the question — when it comes to online dating, I find that it helps to set the tone, not initiating so much, but putting in an effort in a way that you can be comfortable. An interested man will quickly pick up your cues.
I have found that men who are serious in looking for a relationship are more than fine with messaging, talking, waiting to meet. But be prepared because other men will just disappear if you don’t meet right away (I’m not saying that as a reason you SHOULD meet them, I’m saying there are two types of people and what they are looking for – or maybe three types. The people who will talk online first, then there are people who want to meet right away because they think that’s the only way to know whether they like you and the people who want to meet because it’s the easy way to hook-ups). That’s one reason a drink date is off-putting to me — when I have been on a dating app, I find I get that question a lot for Friday nights even if I haven’t or have barely talked to a guy. I kind of get the feeling that they are just looking for fun and I’m just a name on a list and they will move on quickly to the next person if I say no.
With your guy, he called which does express more interest and requires more effort. It’s a GOOD sign. So if you are interested, then talk with him (if only by text at first but if you can do a phone call later, then do that). If you do nothing, then nothing will ever happen. If you explain what it is that you are looking for / need before meeting, then while he could disappear and nothing much happen, it could turn out that he is a great guy for you. Who knows but nothing to loose at this point.January 12, 2018 at 7:59 pm #678560
Omg, dating is dead. I’m actually STUNNED someone would think a phone call is ODD…now I know why this generation is so unsuccessful in dating men as they prefer to date their phones as there’s NO verbal or non-verbal cues to determine how the male species talks and if he can carry on an actual CONVERSATION…GASP! Needless to say YOUR THE ODD ONE…yup, its YOU and I hope you don’t call him back as I would truly hope there’s a woman out there who might actually like TALKING to another human being v. a phone (contraption, gadget, thing, device…a non human).January 14, 2018 at 8:37 am #678808
So I’m against the grain here – yes I think it’s ODD.
Because … I’m a twenty something,met my boyfriend of over two years on tinder and dated on tinder and other sites/apps a bit … the guys that called straight away within only a few messages did turn out to be odd, when I would talk on the phone of some meet up with they were just very different to the majority of guys that did the usual text for a bit, organise a date, go on date and go from there.
One guy who called and insisted on talking via phone than text started to get almost angry at me if I missed a called from him.
The fact is the dating world has changed – and yes it’s sad but also yes it can be odd if a guy off a dating app is calling you before barely speaking to you at all. It’s like having a guy on a park bench who you walked past start calling you. Times have changed !
I feel bad you got so much flack over this – your not crazy and I’m sure the guy was normal and nice but … yes, in today’s world that’s odd.January 14, 2018 at 8:41 am #678809
P.S this ‘Lane’ women is commenting on so many posts and so negative and rude to the poster – isn’t the idea of this forum to help a sister out and be supportive. What is up with her ??
She is so rude, don’t take anything on what she has said, I’ve seen her posts on others and same bunch of negative rubbish, what a strange person :/January 14, 2018 at 8:58 am #678816
You make most peoples points on here, teenagers and twenty somethings, even thirty somethings are socially retarded. One person on here said she feels awkward on the phone if she isn’t prepared?.. wtf. Prepared for what? If you meet someone in person spontaneously do you have to prepare to have a casual conversation? And yes, talking on the phone can help weed a man out much earlier because you can figure out very quickly if they sound together or are a nut case. Not so on text. Women talk to men for months on text before meeting these days and the texting is no real reflection of who they really are. In fact most people will say and do things on text because they can hide behind a phone that doesn’t represent their real self at all. Including being already in a relationship or married. Sure, the hook up guys may ask to meet quickly, but usually your clue they only want sex is a hime date or hang out. The other ones who really want to meet someone will call. Because they are intelligent about dating and don’t want to waste time texting on a phone for weeks only to find out when he meets you, you can barely put two sentences together.
Texting is the worst thing that could ever have happened to dating, it eliminates people’s ability to communicate well and it’s lazy. You don’t have to even give your undivided attention for a half hour. You can multi task which means talking to that person really isn’t all that important anyway. It’s why so many young women on here have anxiety. They think just because you have the ability to instant message it requires instant response. Even for the most inane questions or topics. It creates false sense of intimacy with strangers you have never met. It allows sexual intimacy with out a man making any effort except to send sexy words and coerce you into sexting. Sad sad sad.January 14, 2018 at 9:09 am #678819
Lane is mature and has her act together. You are young and less experienced. Dating hasn’t changed that much for centuries, yes, the way people can meet online is different and for the most part it results in people making really foolish decisions, such as talking to guys that live thousands of miles away and thinking you can really get to know someone by texting for months and weeks on end. The only reason you are finding so many odd men is that prior to online and Facebook crap, people met in person. The number of people you met was fewer and more focused. With Internet the pool of people is unlimited so the odds of finding a lot of nut cases is extremely high. Because most of these people you would never have even met in person. They are tied to their phones and computers. They think having a status on Facebook means more than how often a man sees you. They think liking someone’s pics on fb or snap shows real interest. They are clueless about real social interaction. Men have pursued women the same way for centuries. The problem is that women get impatient and disrupt the process or act too masculine. They try to chase men who really have no interest in them. They agree to fwb when they want a real relationship. I feel bad for younger people who have never really learned how to date or even communicate. Everything is about likes on Facebook and whether or not a man is a good or bad texter.January 14, 2018 at 10:35 am #678840
How involved is your father in the dating process? Mine was very involved, told me how men think and operate and guided me so I didn’t make many of the foolish so many woman do today that resulted in 4 marriage proposals between the ages of 18 to 23; with one resulting in a 20+ year marriage and raising two sons, now adults—ALL without any form of technology…gasp!
How successful have you been in love? Have you been proposed to or married? With age comes WISDOM and if you believe wisdom trumps inexperience then don’t read or follow any of my posts however there are a lot of women who have been very thankful for it help, some of whom I am now friends with off this site, one who recently married a wonderful man when she was with an alcoholic when she arrived. Two others are now in long-term happy relationships and I’m so happy they are happy. FYI, I gave them the same kind of ‘tough love’ advice which is what they NEEDED to end their terrible marriages/relationships and find good loving men.
In a nutshell, stop acting like a brat—I’ve earned the badge to say it!January 14, 2018 at 10:40 am #678844
And, Lane is on my wait list as a new LDR gf! So there!