Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Do you see something wrong in this?
- This topic has 34 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
tammy.
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Emma
Honestly, this seems very shady. It is one thing to search for someone once. But to do it continuously, let alone take you to places where this person is associated with is very very strange. Twisted.
What bothers me the most is the fact he told you all those details about him and her almost hooking up. A boyfriend who is caring would not dive into details, as he would be more concerned about protecting your feelings and he would not feel like any of that matters. IN some sense, you do not want to bring old baggage because that will only cause comparison and insecurity. Yet he did all of that.
As the other OPs have said, you need to base your decision based on how he treats you and whether you think this behavior is acceptable, irrespective of this woman. I think you going to the event is a good idea but may not necessarily bring all the answers you are seeking because at the end of the day you never know what is going on in someones mind.
You really need to evaluate this relationship :S
Mariebelle
@Emma All of this has cause me so much insecurity and especially a lot of emotional attachment to him, and I don’t like it, it makes me feel sad.
I wonder what can I do to get rid of so much attachment to this man, its like if I am not with him,I am not happy, or I feel alone, overwhelmed.
Like if I could not have a life besides him. I wonder why I have this emotions, feelings?
Truth hurts
Because you don’t want a life without him even though he is clearly not all in. He’s stuck in some fantasy loop with another woman.
Because you are insecure.
Because you don’t want to process the heartache so you cling onto whatever false hope you can to keep it from breaking.
Because when you focus on the facts, you can see he is being a selfish pr×ck, holding you emotionally hostage, not dealing with his own issue (obsession) and taking advantage of you choosing to ignore the red flags and him taking you emotionally hostage.
Stop playing a victim. You can have a life without him you are choosing not to go down that road because it is bumpy and difficult.
Truth hurts
Figure out how to be happy on your own.
Emma
Mariebelle, to some extend I can understand how you feel because I just went through that with my ex. Towards the end of the relationship he starts acting out and getting in touch with random women of his past, just for an ego stroke. I mean he must have been so insecure to the point that he was just texting anybody for validation. This guy you are dating kind of reminds me of my ex in that behavioral sense, that he is willing to do random stuff to get validation even though he has a good thing going on like you.
I tried to win his approval and try to show so hard how good I am until one day I woke up. Literally. And realized my worth and walked away. That was not acceptable.
Your attachment to him is your lack of faith and belief you have in yourself that you are worthy of love and good enough. For as long as he doesn’t show that towards you, you are going to want to prove him wrong, until you also realize one day you are more than enough. Hugs!
Mariebelle
@Newbie @Lane Hi girls I have an UPDATE: SoHere we go again!! he mentioned her again, but somehow it was kind of my fault cause we were talking about having chemistry with someone, and I told him the story of a good friend of mine, and he had the exact same happen to him, except that he was telling me that he was connected emotionally to her, that they had chemistry but they had a deal he would not have sex with her due to the fact that she asked for it because she was vulnerable because her boyfriend at that time broke up with her, left her for this other girl and married this other girl little after breaking up with her.
So he has the nerve to explicitly tell me, she was in a bra and panties with this amazing body, and so he had boxers on, they were kissing, cuddling and nothing else happened because they made a deal they wouldn’t have sex until a little more ahead.
And again tells me with an insisting manner, that she is precious, that she had a whole bunch of men after her, she has this amazing body of working out at the gym, this work position, etc etc, and he always seems frustrated or almost bitter when TALKING ABOUT IT, about it, I wonder why!! They had nothing serious, just going out and getting to know each other.
I think he is somewhat frustrated cause he did want to have sex with her but due to the agreement they “made” he did not,. He sounded intense/bitter while talking about this.
Kathy
So why are you still dealing with this?
Shoshannah
I have the same question as Kathy. Also, didn’t you post about this numerous times, in different threads too? It’s been months and it seems that nothing has changed. So the first thought is just end it already. But I was also wondering how do you react to this? Because if I was in this situation, my partner would know immediately that this is not ok (and so, he wouldn’t do it again).
Tallspicy
What do you want? This is word for word from another thread.
tammy
she has been tolerating this kind of behaviour for so long. but she’s still with him. and comes here to vent but isn’t ready to take any concrete steps to end this.
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