This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Betty 9 months, 2 weeks ago.
December 6, 2017 at 8:39 pm #671325
I’m a skater girl. Skateboarding is my passion, and I’m pretty good at it, and it keeps me very fit. I have long blonde hair and wear light make-up, but basically dress the part. My style is rockabilly/punk/bad ass. I occasionally wear dresses and skirts, but usually skinny jeans and pants. Overall I’m a not a girly girl. But I like men. And would like to get married and have kids.
I wonder if most guys tend to not go for girls like me? I have a guy friend who is always telling me that I’m “not very feminine” and that he is really attracted to “girly girls and feminine women.” Honestly I don’t know why he bothers telling me this as I am not attracted to him and don’t care what he thinks. But I DO care what guys overall think. I mean, I know there is some guys out there who like my type because there are all sorts of people in the world. But I just wonder if MOST guys are turned off by my type? Thanks for any thoughts.December 6, 2017 at 8:57 pm #671329
Phillygirl the younger
Give us links to some of your pictures on social media, and we will give opinions on whether guys like girls like you.December 6, 2017 at 9:00 pm #671330
LOl well let’s just assume I am pretty attractive. Does my style (other things equal) make me less attractive?December 6, 2017 at 9:05 pm #671331
I say they don’t make you less attractive.
You are you, and the right guy is going to be attracted to that.December 6, 2017 at 9:14 pm #671334
Trust me it doesn’t matter! I was a total tomboy and I do NOT wear dresses or skirts and I have absolutely no problem attracting men! Just be who you are, never change for anyone, especially a man as those relationships never work out anyway. The guy who loves you for who you are would never ask you to change because he likes you for who you are as a person, not what you do or wear.December 6, 2017 at 9:38 pm #671338
Phillygirl the younger must be a twelve year old Stephen G. MoronsDecember 6, 2017 at 9:47 pm #671339
I dress in skinny jeans, tops, sometimes heavy boots, sometimes heels rarely skirts, mostly skinny jeans and men’s long pants. I have had no issues dating. Ive been told my clothes aren’t feminine as well, I don’t really care. Wear what you like, you shouldn’t change who you are to attract anyone. The right people like you as you are. Side note I’m betting your guy friend likes you, but is attracted to feminine clothing. Don’t change for him or anyone!December 6, 2017 at 11:37 pm #671350
Thanks folks. I tried changing my style for like a year and realized it wasn’t me so went back. And I don’t think I would change even if things did hurt my odds, but it is nice to know that it won’t.December 7, 2017 at 5:02 am #671385
I do not know about most guys but I do know some men like feminine. I also know that some men do not want a female who acts male….they want a ying for their yang.
Being athletic does not make you manly….what you do beyond that makes you feminine or masculine. Do not change to suit men of any kind…just be yourself and be happy in that.
Know that you will attract men who like your style. You will not attract men who want feminine.December 7, 2017 at 8:14 am #671411
Don’t worry about it, you do you.
You won’t attract guys like your friend but there will be plenty of guys who enjoy your style.
I showed up to a first date wearing no make up at all, in capris and a geeky t-shirt. Still in relationship four years later.December 7, 2017 at 10:38 am #671421
I wonder what your real question is. Are you not getting dates? You never had a bf? Outside of the comment from your friend it seems there is more to this than just a comment he made. What was the context? Did you complain about not being able to meet men and he responded about your look?
As other ladies indicated, attraction is personal. Not every man is attracted to the same look. They tend to have their types. I assume you will attract the majority of men who are into the same genre or style. You rarely see, for example, a woman with green hair and tattoos hanging on the arms of a corporate executive.
But here’s the thing. How you look only gets you the first date. It’s how you carry yourself, attitude, confidence and the other interpersonal aspects of yourself that holds the attraction. So while you may feel it’s the way you dress, it more likely is the way you act. Most men don’t want to date another man. So if you give off too much masculine energy and boy attitude that could be the turn off. Not the way you dress.
Your style of dress may not be suited to where you live or meet men. I live on the west coast and pretty much everything goes, but when I travel to the Midwest in many locations, it’s looked down upon or not as accepted if you look a certain way. For example ‘punk’ So IMO location can play a factor into how many opportunities you have to meet men who like the look and are a fit for your attitude and lifestyle.
I have to laugh because the other ladies on here comment, like Lane, about how she wears pants and never dresses and never has trouble getting men. Or others say they mostly do jeans and boots. Maybe they don’t realize what you are sayin? Because wearing slacks and t shirts is a far cry from the styles you say you are into.
I frankly had to look up and see pics of rockabilly because it’s not common. And add to that punk, which I thought was mostly cool back in the 90’s? It’s really gripping onto something that went out decades ago. Punk was all about rebellion and darkness, etc. so you can see why first impressions could be a bummer. Anyway. It’s your life. You attract what you put out there. No one should have to change in order to find someone, but as I prefaced my response I think you’re question is much deeper than the surface responses you are getting.December 7, 2017 at 10:59 am #671424
I think being feminine is more about your energy than how you dress. For instance, if you’re walking around acting like you don’t give a f**k about anybody, that could be off-putting to a guy. Guys pick up on your vibe. If you’re acting “badass”, it could be interpreted as cold.
Don’t change your style, but keep in mind, a smile and a little bit of vulnerability go a long way. If you’re into a guy, be kind, be encouraging. Guys won’t approach girls if they think they have no chance.December 7, 2017 at 11:22 am #671427
Men really don’t notice what women wear,only someone like me takes careful note of what a woman is wearing. I think that it may be a personality issue. Very few males are interested in what they think is a boyish girl. I am not calling you a boyish girl however I am only telling you that men are clearly perceiving you that way. Your friend was telling you as much by his statement about wishing you’d dress more femininely. I do appreciate that you like dressing and behaving the way you do,but bear in mind there will be consequences for this. I meet with clients from time to time and I always wear a suit even though I hate suits. They simply wouldn’t take me seriously if I wore the clothes that I wanted to wear.December 7, 2017 at 11:48 am #671434
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I used to live in California but two years ago moved to the southeast, so my style might be less accepted here. I would say I am probably punk/rockabilly light. I mean I wear a lot of colors besides black. I do have an eybrow piercing but only one tattoo on my shoulder that is usually covered. I am not mean at all. Like I’m super nice to everyone and sweet, but at the same time I think I could come off as “boyish”. I do also think my athleticism might intimidate some guys. I am called “tough” a lot, for whatever that’s worth. I think that probably has a lot to do with my willingness to do athletic things that most gals (and probably most guys) won’t do – maybe that is boyish, not sure. I also have a very academic job – so maybe the type of guys I tend to meet aren’t used to my type.
I am 28. I didn’t date much until like 25 because I had a lot of anxiety issues. I am still pretty introverted so I think that stops me from meeting guys. I had a boyfriend for a year from 26-27 and I broke up with him. I guess I find it hard to meet guys, but part of that is simply because I am not over outgoing and kind of picky.
The context of my friend saying this to me is we were working on an intense project together and would just spend a lot of time together. These things just kind of came up when I did stuff like downed a shot of vodka (I rarely drink, btw, but we were out and I wanted to show I could handle it) or challenged a guy to a push-up contest.December 7, 2017 at 11:48 am #671435
There is two things-
One, men prefer women with a feminine energy, which is basically letting men take the lead and not being aggressive. You can be a tomboy and still have that energy. You just can’t be a ballbuster. I learned this the hard way. I’m super smart with a pretty amazing job, so when I date, I minimize my profession and focus on my hobbies. I used to lead with work. It intimidated men. Make sure that since you have a bad ass hobby that you aren’t throwing off an “I’m tougher than you” vibe.
As for dress, you may be perceived as being “costumey”, which to me is a cover for a personality. You don’t want to dress like a stereotype. And here is the thing about men- they’ll have fun with “flashy” girls and tatted up girls, but a lot of them don’t date those girls seriously. Skinny jeans and long blonde hair are pretty normal…
In terms of dress, most men like a woman with some flexibility- they want one that can dress up in heels, but can also wear jeans and a tshirt and feel at home.December 7, 2017 at 11:48 am #671436
Avril Lavigne is that u?December 7, 2017 at 11:50 am #671437
People don’t have the time or the inclination to do an in-depth psychological assessment of everyone they meet. If you dress like a tough guy for example then don’t be surprised when people cross the street to avoid you,or security guards in shops start following you up and down the aisles. Clothes and manner tell people who you are and they’ll treat you accordingly. Avril seems to want to dress and act in a tomboyish manner but still be seen and treated as a girl by men. The OP could perhaps try wearing skater skirts as they are youthful,feminine and fun.December 7, 2017 at 11:54 am #671439
OK, reading your latest post, I’d maybe consider ditching the piercing. That’s just me, but body modification might limit your options in the way smoking does.
Also, men like their ego stroked and challenging then to drinking and pushing contests isn’t a way to that. Men like to know you are fit and healthy, but they don’t want to date someone stronger than they are (or one who points it out). The skateboarding is awesome- it’s what you do, but don’t frame it in the context of competing with men.
I’m into strength training, so I’ll mention lifting, and talk about it, but I’d NEVER challenge a guy to a squat competition that I wanted to date.December 7, 2017 at 1:37 pm #671454
Ok so I’m 58, and single. I like to dress casual (boots, skinny jeans, loose tops) and I often dress this way when I go dancing. But on the nights I go out on a limb and don the heels and the dress ~ the guys line up to dance with me. So clothes definitely make a difference.