Disturbing feeling


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Dodie 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #735900 Reply

    anonymous

    So my boyfriend and I were having a heated argument and he ended up telling me that his favorite cousins wife told him when she first met me, “something isn’t right about her”… This made me feel really hurt because I thought highly of her and his cousin. I know my true character and this was just out right wrong. One of my biggest pet peeves is someone being extremely judgmental without knowing anything about the person. I told him the only type of person whom would do that is a jealous and envious person. He said he regrets telling me that. I told him I don’t regret him telling me because despite the way it came out, I needed to know. People that do those types of things are ones I stay far away from, I now know to keep my distance from her.

    #735925 Reply

    L

    Really? Maybe there is something off about you?

    #735929 Reply

    Emma

    Look, people say things. They change their mind.

    I your case, you should have kept your cool and not lash out. This woman is not going away. She is “his favorite cousins wife told him “. You, however, can be replaced LOL

    When you make judgements about family think HARD

    Besides taking any criticism, fair or unfair, this close to heart shows that you are extremely insecure. Do not let things others say affect you. They can say a different thing tomorrow, but you had already spoiled your relationship by retaliating immediately. And with a double force. She said you were “something wrong”, but oyu called :envious and jealous and to stay away from”. Instead of diffusing conflict you escalated it.

    Do not react to criticism coming form FAMILY of your guy. You would always have an opportunity to do it later if oyu want, but if you have a knew-jerk reaction immediately, like you did this time, things cannot be unsaid. You end up with a conflict.

    #735934 Reply

    Raven

    Your BF is a jerk… Know that what you tell him in confidence- will be repeated.

    #735936 Reply

    anonymous

    Raven: Your probably right…what is it that stands out about him being a jerk?

    #735940 Reply

    Raven

    He told you something that was told to him in confidence, while he was angry…

    #735965 Reply

    Dodie

    It’s called triangulation. Narcissists often engage in this behavior. They tell you something unflattering, then say “so and so agrees with me.” Usually a lie, and always someone who you don’t have direct contact with so you can’t ask.

    Someone would have to be really rude to say that to someone who just introduced his new girlfriend so it’s unlikely that actually happened. It says nothing about you. Volumes about the person saying it.

    It’s just a manipulative tactic. Like another poster said, it’s a sign that he’s a jerk.

    Red flag.

    of course, crazy Emma think it’s just fine that your new boyfriend is going around saying things like this to you and thinks you’re the one with the problem LOL. Talk about gaslighting. “you have a problem if you can’t stand your boyfriend verbally abusing you,” LOL. In her book, it’s constructive criticism.

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