Disappointed in myself


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Newbie 7 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #785404 Reply

    Jane

    Hello everyone,
    So I recently jumped back into the online dating scene and met a wonderful guy. We talked for a whole week and we had so much in common. We both expressed how excited we were to meeting each other because it’s rare to find others with the same interest. After t he date we both agreed to a second date and continued texting. I was out of town that weekend and he mentioned that it would give home enough time to come up with something Special. So we were texting back and forth daily and one night he didn’t respond till the next day so I was a bit put off. I asked him if he had been on other dates since we met. He mentioned that the question seemed like a trap since it could come off as bad thing if he said yes or no. I told him that we had only been on one date and that I was just curious. He replied in that case yes I have. I got really upset bc I haven’t and he’s all I’ve been thinking about. So I texted him and told him that clearly the date didn’t go as well as I thought and that I would rather stop talking to avoid further disappointed. He tried to rationalize with me saying he felt the same and that the other date was pre planned and he was Just being honest and that he was really excited to go on a second date to see where things would go but I kept refusing. He attempted to call me a few times but I ignored the calls and went to bed. Unmatched him on the app and unfollowed him on ig. I woke up the next morning realizing what I had done and felt horrible for reacting so abrupt. I tried contacting him but noticed he had blocked me on everything even on texting as I was unable to call him. After a few days I made another ig and messaged him apologizing and saying that I haven’t had the best luck in the past and thus over reacted. Idk if he even got the message since his account is private. I feel so sad and hate that I ruined the opportunity at something great. He has not responded to my message or opened it. I guess I’m just wondering if he will unblock me eventually? I just feel blocking was excessive. Any advice?

    #785408 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Yes, stop dating. You are no where near emotionally healthy enough.

    You freaked out because he did not get back to you until the next day?

    You asked a man of one date, that you met online if he went in other dates.

    You were upset that a man you have only been in one date with went in other dates.

    You ended it because he was not so in love with you that you were all he thought about after one date.

    You went back and asked him to rethink it.

    Please please please go to a therapist who understands attachment wounds. You clearly are very anxiously attached and until you can move towards secure attachment should probably not be dating. Your expectations are out of line and your behavior really over the top.

    I am sorry to be harsh, you sound not ok at all with self confidence and what it takes to online.

    #785411 Reply

    Tallspicy

    It is not his fault you have a bad dating history, it is not his job to be healthy for both of you, that is not a excuse for your bunny boiler performance. You are responsible for your own safety, not him.

    Blocking was not obsessive. Here is why… you asked him a question, told him it was safe to tell you the truth and then you freaked out. Highly unstable behavior. You are not a bad person, but I understand why he did.

    You knew this dude one week and you use the phrase “knew him a whole week” and you followed him on ig? I hope to god he followed you first.

    Get yourself sorted … this one is never coming back.

    #785412 Reply

    Newbie

    Yes you got way ahead of the guy and probably too invested because of all the texting. You do need to learn how to date. But dont thinl you ruined this and there is anything that can be done about it. There is nothing you can do but move on and know that if you you handled things differently, there would have been another outcome. If you read threats here about how many women felt chemistry and knew the guy was really into her on the first date, but nothing came of it. Thats more common than the other way, because its not that easy to find a two way street match. So dont feel bad but also dont try to connect again

    #785414 Reply

    Raven

    You went to crazyville & totally ‘trapped’ him with your question…

    Hopefully you’ve learned from this…

    #785417 Reply

    Jane

    Yes we were both messaging on ig frequently. To be fair he was telling me things like he never opened up to someone so soon and was making plans with me for Valentine’s Day. I don’t blame him either. I know I have issues from past dating trauma and after a year of being single I decided to go for online dating for the first time in my life. I made another ig account to send him an apology as he had blocked me on the one we were messaging on. I know I over reacted and I do feel really bad about it and regret it immensely. I just wish there was something I could do to repair it.

    #785420 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Yes, heal yourself. Get help on anxious attachment. Learn and forgive yourself. Until you can date without caring – my 0 Fs rule until he is your boyfriend, you should not be dating.

    #785421 Reply

    Tallspicy

    He should not be adding you on ig before even one date. He is allowed to date and screw all the women he wants until you are exclusive. He can definitely have up to 24 hours to respond to any text.

    Honestly, you should be grossed out by what he is telling you, too early, too much! He does not sound so healthy either, but men say a lot of malarkey, you need about 4 – 6 weeks of watching words and actions matching

    #785423 Reply

    Ss

    Yeah you f**ked this one up big time. I’ve heard some crazy dating stories where women come off really badly but I’m actually stunned. You shouldnt be asking about whether a guy you barely know is dating others – its not your business, to then react the way you did when he was honest is pretty awful. Setting up a new IG to message him is pretty ott and stage five clinger level – it was one date!!! You have shown this poor man the worst of you after just one date and he would be nuts to go back to dating you, if this had been a man with your behaviour people would be saying its a red flag for a controlling abuser – I hate to think what you would be like in a relationship atm.

    We all make mistakes in dating- i definitely have made many but thankfully not quite as spectacular as this. Write this one off, learn from it, look into yourself and what is causing such anxious, impulsive and crazy behaviour. Talking therapy might help.

    Sorry if I’ve been harsh but your behaviour was really out of order. Leave this guy alone and learn from this. Hopefully its a one off that won’t be repeated with the next guy

    #785424 Reply

    Ss

    Also, try not to put too much store into words. A guy will say a lot of things that might be true in that moment but mean nothing in the end. Its not intentionally misleading most of the time its just men don’t put as much emphasis on the things we say whereas women tend to analyse every word.

    #785425 Reply

    Amy

    Why does this story sound so familiar???? Have you posted this before under other names?

    #785430 Reply

    Newbie

    Please stop finding more ways to contact him. You really went overboard here. Consider him patient zero instead: never go down that road again. Really you cant redeem yourself from asking im curious you went on a date with another woman and then get upset about it after date 1. There is really no change at all. That parrot is dead, deceased. But lucky enough their are other men

    #785454 Reply

    Honeypie

    Nothing to add that hasn’t been said. OP don’t do this again, and yep if a man did that to me he’d be blocked on everything, and every attempt to make contact like IG messages from fictitious accounts by him would worry the hell out of me. Controlling, obsessive and abusive is what it would scream to me. Don’t do this again ever

    #785471 Reply

    Sarah

    Leave alone and learn from it. It’s ridiculous that you’re so certain he is wonderful anyway. You did not know him. It’s easy to have a great one off meeting with someone. Happens all the time. Means absolutely nothing. You can’t start behaving as if you’ve know each other for months because you haven’t. That might make you feel better about supposedly losing him but he was never yours to start with and your behaviour was completely OTT. I know it’s harsh but you got what you deserved.

    #785491 Reply

    Jane

    Thanks everyone for the constructive criticism. I agree that I have some issues I should work on before starting back on dating. I’ve taken up on some advice above and will be seeking therapy. I just needed to tell someone. Definitely learned my lesson.

    #785493 Reply

    Newbie

    Take care Jane, good for you looking to get some help. Youre not some psycho, you will be fine

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