Did I scare the shy guy away?

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #401323 Reply


    I have been emailing a guy I met online for about three weeks. A week after we met he went out of state for a week and emailed me about every day while he as gone. We’ve kept up contact since he got back and the last I heard from him was a nice long email the day before Valentines Day. I wrote him during the middle of Valentines Day, this passed saturday, five days ago, and haven’t heard back. Before I write to him to see what’s up, I thought I’d bounce it off you guys. I’ve read all the blogs and books on “why he doesn’t text back” and giving space and man caves and shutting down, so I have the general idea. And he’s shy. So I’m afraid I scared the little mouse away, and I’m not 100% sure I want a mouse in the first place.
    We do live about a hour apart. He’s a very busy student. He’s stressed with finishing school and finding a job. The out of state trip was to move his best “girl” friend out there, so he’s bummed about that and told me about it.
    So there’s his deal.
    Okay to my email. I have three points of concern:
    1. He gave me his personal email before he left on his trip, which is his first and last name. It’s a Google address and while emailing him, bored at work, I clicked his email address Address which pulled up his google profile where he had pictures. I admitted to doing this and complemented his photography in the email.
    2. I wished him Happy Valentine’s day and told him I had a hot date to see a cartoon movie and I would probably give my date the money to take me out then explained out the theater was supposed to be showing 50 shades but didn’t because of a petition to stop the viewing. I never said my date is my small SON. I honestly believe that is maybe what the deal is about.
    3. I gave him my number and said if he ever wanted to chat or text to hit me up. That was a big deal for me, and it may have also made him feel pressured to call.

    I don’t mind going slow and emailing but it’s kind of time to at least talk on the phone.
    IF and it’s a big IF the movie date thing is misunderstood, I feel like I need to clarify. If he told me he was going on a date, I’d been really sad.
    Also, re: the dating site we met on, I haven’t seen him on there once since this happened. I’m not stalking but I do get some attention so I log in to keep up with, and he’s not been on like he was before.

    #401332 Reply


    I am confused. Are you exclusive in dating? Why would you not like him dating others?

    #401333 Reply


    I think you’re too invested in this guy and giving him too much electronic attention. If he was really interested in seeing you and speaking to you on the phone, he would be asking (even shy guys will do this… as long as the door is open for a shy guy, he will walk through it… don’t get into the habit of accepting crumbs because you think he’s shy… he’s not moving things forward either because he doesn’t want to or because he doesn’t have to)


    #401344 Reply


    To answer to your question. No, do not contact him. You are not in a relationship and he should be doing the heavy lifting right now.

    Shy is a bullhonkey excuse and shy guys get into relationships all the time. He knows how to find you. Period.

    #401346 Reply


    Well, honestly if he were dating other people, I’d be ok with it, but not thrilled. I think that’s a natural response. But if he nonchalantly told me ON VALENTINES DAY he had a date that night, I’d be like, Wow what a jerk AND think he didn’t think of me as potentially more than a friend.
    I agree that I’m too invested. David Wygant sent out an email last week about the danger of crushes and how you should hold off on “liking” someone until after at least two dates. Good advice.
    As for the number thing, I don’t know if it was on Your Tango or one of Sabrina’s blogs that was about the online guys who chat you up online but when you want to take it offline, they freak out and disappear for various reasons…

    #401360 Reply


    I think you hit the nail on the head…you are too invested here. You should be scoping out different opportunities for dating…not get stuck on one and “what are they thinking?”

    A woman with options is attractive to both men and women.

    #785776 Reply


    I like a very shy low self esteem man hes 65 im 53 if I try to talk to him doesn’t go well so a week in a half ago he started to open up a little my heart was breaking hes so handsome and could have any woman but he really doesn’t look all hes into his job so I decided to give him a valentines card and a note inside 20 fact about you like kind sweet handsome ect then I put men like you are to few and far between then I also put down your 65 going on 66 your worthy of any woman what you should be asking yourself are they worthy of you I also put down how amazing he is and how everyone thinks so I don’t really know him that well but I have manage to scare him off wont look or talk to me anymore after the card I wanted to help and I manage to scare HIM OFF and he doesn’t like me or just top muck to soon help.

    #785777 Reply


    Please start a new thread!

    #785800 Reply

    ANM Staff

    Mod update: Hello and thanks for sharing!

    As Tallspicy suggested, it would be best if you started a new thread. Your post appears as a comment on a thread which started a long time ago, and our community tends not to respond to topics like that. Go ahead and start a fresh new thread, and I’m sure our community will offer you some advice for your situation.

    Best wishes to you!


    Also, a quick note to our community of “regulars” – yes, I have noticed that a lot of old threads are getting resurrected lately. I’m looking into some short-term and long-term solutions to help curtail it while still encouraging people to share their stories.

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