Home › Forums › Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice › Did I make the right choice?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by
Rosy.
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cara kat
hey guys, i had been talking to a guy for couple of months from dating app. He is states away from me and he has been falling hard for me to the point where he gave me a vibe he wants to commit. We havent even met yet. I made it clear that we are both on the same page of what we WANT yet I cant commit without meeting and seeing the person a few times. In his mind we have talked enough to be dating just one another towards a relationship. I found it overwhelming but my gfs said he just knows what he wants and is open about it. However, I feel as if it a bit pressuring that he keep re-iterating himself. His ex wasnt fully committed to him adn he doesnt want to go through that again which i can respect. We have had good convos but he never lets them die out unless its when we are sleeping. I have had to ask for “space” multiple times and it wasnt always respected. it seems like relationship talk should happen post meeting. What do you guys think?
Raven
Why are you wasting your time with this guy?
Liz Lemon
You haven’t met this person. He’s a stranger. He could be totally misrepresenting himself. You can’t “fall hard” for someone you haven’t met. And it’s a red flag that he’s so insistent and overwhelming, and that he does not respect your requests for space. If he’s that smothering from a distance, imagine how controlling he is in person?
I agree with Raven that this is a waste of time. I don’t see the point of spending a lot of time talking to a guy who is states away, who you can’t meet regularly and develop a relationship with in person.
I personally think you should back away from this guy and focus on dating guys locally, who you can meet and get to know in person. If you don’t want to do that, you should insist that the two of you meet as soon as possible. You shouldn’t entertain his BS about committing to him when you haven’t even met. I understand the pandemic makes that difficult. But there are a lot of people (both men and women) who play games and indulge in online relationships with folks they have no intention of meeting. If you’ve been talking to this guy for months and he’s talking about commitment but has not talked about making a trip to meet you in person, I suspect he’s one of those.
mama
He sounds a little off. Why is it so important for him to nail down an imaginary relationship before even meeting you? And why won’t he respect YOUR needs at this moment, needing space?
People are saying you should meet him in person before any relationship talk is had and I agree with the concept. But he sounds a bit controlling so if you do decide to meet him in person, meet him halfway at a public place and bring a friend along. Because I foresee him just getting worse with his tendencies after meeting you, not better.
But has he made any steps to meeting you? You’ve made it clear what needs to happen if he wants a relationship with you, so is he all talk/no action? Or is he making concrete plans? If he isn’t then the commenters above are probably right — he’s probably playing some game.
And if you choose to not pursue anything with him, make sure you block his number and all forms of contact. He doesn’t sound normal. (I could also just be projecting — I was in a very controlling relationship when I was younger and little things like not respecting your need for space is how it starts.)
Listen to your gut. You know what you need. Just because he’s disrespecting those needs doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Good luck, wish you well in this.
T from NY
Red flag nation. Choose not to live there.
Rosy
Personally, I think that it’s possible to develop something with a person from adistance, texting may be also good, funny, but you arrive at a point that YOU both MUST meet in person to really UNDERSTAND, FEEL, feeling the vibes, emotions you two feel when you are together. You can’t just being behind
phone and “okay, let’s commit”, are you kidding me or what?My advise: meet each other as soon as possible, THEN, only Then, you start to talk about DATING, not even commitment. After 3, or 4 times you can talk about something more.
Don’t committ to a stranger.
Rosy.
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