This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anderson 2 months, 4 weeks ago.
August 17, 2019 at 6:44 pm #760491
My ex and I ended things a little over 2 months ago and I have gone no contact ever since. He had been very verbally abusive and ungrateful despite me helping him avoid termination from his last job. We are both ran into each at a pharmaceutical dinner hosted for physicians the other night. My ex kept on looking at me while sitting at a table facing me all evening but avoided eye contact. There were only 12 people in the room.
At the end, he went and shook hands and personally said goodbye to everyone in the room except for me and made sure to flirt with the female pharmaceutical rep and then walked out. I ran into him in the restaurant lobby so I said hi and he smiled at me in a smug, contemptuous manner then proceeded to address me as Dr So and So instead of my first name. He asked me how I was then began to brag about the new condo he is moving into in a few weeks. Then he introduced me to his boss who asked him indirectly why he didn’t acknowledge me during the dinner though we worked together for 4 years. Then he excused himself saying he was going to get a drink at the bar with his boss and stuck out his hand to give me a very awkward and very formal handshake. I said bye and left to get my car from the valet.
Thoughts?August 17, 2019 at 9:14 pm #760500
He’s being very cold and immature. He’s not over the break up evidence by him acting like a 3 year old at the dinner. As far as what the handshake means? Nothing. He probably still thinks about you, but his ego will never let him admit to caring about you anymore. The relationship in his eyes is over. Bragging about his new apartment is his way of letting you know his life is better without you.
Forget about him and move on, as he already has.August 17, 2019 at 10:51 pm #760507
You did very well. You didn’t let him get under your skin, you didn’t engage or respond to anything he said or did.
He made himself look like a total asshat in front of his boss and in general.
You didn’t lose anything when you two split up. Pretty poor behavior.
I hope you get someone who treats you well and appreciates you next time around.August 18, 2019 at 2:21 pm #760564
Thanks everyone for the honest perspectives!August 18, 2019 at 2:35 pm #760565
You did not handle yourself well at all. You should have completely avoided him and said Soooo glad I’m rid of this a$$hole! You need to up your guydar and standards in men 10 times. You deserve so much better and keep telling yourself that until you find a good one—-he’s the opposite of this one BTW.August 18, 2019 at 10:28 pm #760614
Thanks for the honest opinions! Wasn’t trying to come off as bragging and I appreciate the tough love so to speak.August 19, 2019 at 2:13 am #760623
I’m not sure the OP is indicating she wants him back at all. Unless I’m wrong OP? She seems to want to know if she managed things ok for someone who didn’t know her ex would be there.
You did fine, and even if after you are left questioning if you did, remember/ he’s an ex, so who cares? He’ll be second guessing himself too about if he carried it of. Let it goAugust 19, 2019 at 9:51 am #760628
its obvious he is holding resentment towards you. and its also obvious he doesn’t want to get back with you. don’t waste any more time trying to figure out things or him.. if I was in ur place I wouldn’t engage with him at all. just a polite hello and then bye..August 19, 2019 at 10:11 am #760630
How did the whole thing make you feel yourself?August 19, 2019 at 11:36 am #760637
To answer Honeypie’s question, no, I certainly do not want him back.
Regarding Anderson’s question, I felt happy that I managed the situation as best as I could during an unexpected run-in and it confirmed that avoiding all contact was for the best. I did feel a twinge of sadness but it was fleeting – seeing him made me think briefly of the good times and the fact that the high-rise condo was a joy he wanted me to share with him just 2.5 months ago. Nevertheless, I was able to think of the reality of who he truly was and is. I have no regrets because I did everything I possibly could have done to sustain this relationship.August 19, 2019 at 12:19 pm #760643
You handled it very well. Whilst he was acting like a spoilt brat you kept your head up, remained calm and respectull, and treated him well. It made you stand out as classy and confident whilst it just made him act more like an annoying jerk. Well done
After such a long relationship offcourse you will feel a twinge. There would have been something seriously wrong with you if you didnt. And he seriously tried to get a reaction out of you on par with his own behavior. Instead you remained classy and composed and remebered you are a high value woman who walked away because you deserve so much moreAugust 19, 2019 at 2:48 pm #760651
Thanks Hs for the encouraging words.
I understand that some of you think I shouldn’t have spoken to him at all but at the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with a hello and did not anticipate that he would have prolonged the conversation beyond a brief interaction.August 19, 2019 at 3:40 pm #760658
The majority of women on here follows dating rules to a t because they dont have the self worth and knowledge to follow their own instincts.
Most dating advice comes down to an eye for an eye. You want to date another woman, watch me date 10 other men. You want to ignore nie, i’ll up it a measurement and times it by 2.
Its all ridiculous mind games where everyonelets go of their own values and standards just to one up the ex,and end up looking like just as bitter a loser as he
You didnt choose that route. Instead…You greet him calmly with composure and respect, whilst realizing you deserve more…. You’re the clear winner hereAugust 19, 2019 at 4:00 pm #760661
I was in an abusive relationship before. It’s not about games and rules. I would never walk up and say hi to a man who abused me: that’s having confidence. All you did was set yourself up yet again for him to abuse you. Why do thatto yourself? Clearly it rattled you enough to post here about it. Did you handle it well? That’s up to you. You shouldn’t care what he or a colleague think: at the end of the day how did it work for You? I don’t think too well.August 19, 2019 at 5:11 pm #760668
Not sure how I set myself up for abuse again since he no longer has any access to me?
No, I wouldn’t say I was rattled; if I was, I think I would have avoided him entirely. As Hs stated, I simply greeted him calmly and with respect. Maybe it was second nature because I prefer to be cordial and he prefers to act like this often. I understand there are many ways I could have chosen to respond.August 19, 2019 at 5:59 pm #760675
“I would never walk up and say hi to a man who abused me: that’s having confidence.”
If never saying hi gives you confidence and inner peace then that’s your prerogative. It’s all about what decision one can truly be happy with. “Abuse” and “rattled” are big exaggerations though so I’m not sure what your angle is here lol. My ultimate goal towards an unpleasant ex is letting bygones be bygones, being polite, and sincerely wishing them all the best in life, but not wanting them to be a part of my life in any way. If I behaved like her ex, it might feel good in the moment, but then I’ll regret it after or for a long time. No thanks.
Katie was so emotionally mature about it. She was acting her age, and he was acting like someone would in high school after a break up. I completely agree with @hs’ first comment. I’m of the same belief that there’s more empowerment in treating an ex partner/friend… as a human being. I don’t believe in “winning” a break up. You know when you try extra hard to show to an ex that you’re better off etc? It makes me feel petty and reminds me that I’m still hung up over them or bitter. Kudos to you Katie doing so well even though you were caught off guard. Can’t say I’m always capable of thinking on my feet like that but that’s the person I always aim to be.August 19, 2019 at 6:05 pm #760678
I can’t disagree more Anderson. Apparently you never experienced real abuse. So either the op is exaggerating the abuse or she’s still being submissive. No way in hell I would give the time of day to a man who verbally and physically abused me. It’s not about acting your age. You have no clue what abuse does to a persons psyche. In my mind her approach was submissive, yet again. If it was a normal cordial break up that’s one thing, but she specifically stated he abused her. He doesn’t deserve a look let alone a conversation.August 19, 2019 at 7:29 pm #760688
I understand your view. Yes, silence can be a powerful response in certain situations. I frankly felt this was the best plan for me in the moment.
I didn’t exaggerate the abuse nor do I believe my approach was submissive but I guess each to their own in dealing with their abuser. I’m not in any physical danger nor do I think he can continue any further verbal abuse at this point.August 19, 2019 at 7:31 pm #760689
Thank you Anderson for your kind words.August 19, 2019 at 7:55 pm #760691
All she said was that he had been very verbally abusive. Clearly you’re reading things that aren’t there to say that she’s exaggerating the abuse or being submissive.
“You have no clue what abuse does to a persons psyche.”
Expert? Not even close. Have a decent idea? Absolutely. I can see the effects of abuse in your opinion and hypersensitivity towards this scenario.
It sucks whatever happened to you, and you make whatever personal choices that make you comfortable. But when it comes to other people’s situations? I personally try to be objective and avoid projecting my personal anxieties, fears, or overcompensations.