This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anne 4 months ago.
April 9, 2018 at 2:12 pm #696644
So, I (20) met a guy (21) 9 months ago (August last year) on Instagram. We hit it off very well and we started talking every day. We had great long conversations, about politics, religion, life in general. Sometimes we went days or weeks without talking, but it was fine because when we spoke again the conversation always kept flowing. We started calling each other during that time. And in December we decided to finally meet. And it was great. Honestly, I can still remember our first date. We walked for 5 and half hours around the city talking about everything.. So days later, on new years we texted all night. He was out with friends and I was out too and he declared himself. January came with finals, and we were both very busy studying( he’s a physics major, I’m in engineering) but still, we made time to talk to each other every other day. It was hard, but we made it work. And after finals, we met every Friday (I’m studying in another town, during the week) during February. Our dates consisted in walking for hours and talking. It was great. Until he went silent for two weeks after we got a bit physical. That was ending February. And two weeks later, he sent me a message saying if I was still alive. I didn’t respond, he sent another one, and another, to which i didn’t respond because I felt he deserved it for ghosting me. After a month, he reached out again, to talk things out. But he is saying I was the one who ghosted him? Did he not realized he ghosted me, is this all a miscommunication or is this an excuse?
April 9, 2018 at 2:20 pm #696648
It sounds from the very beginning this was a causal thing.
You went weeks without speaking. What magically changed to upset you about not hearing from him.
Did you sleep with him?
I think ignoring him after he reached out numerous times was immature. What exactly are you expectations and does he even know what they are?April 9, 2018 at 2:31 pm #696651
Well, we went weeks without speaking because we were starting to know each other, being friends. After we met we started talking almost ever dayApril 9, 2018 at 2:32 pm #696652
I did not sleep with him. We just made out.April 9, 2018 at 2:37 pm #696654
You say he went silent after you got a bit physical. This seems like the typical story. For some reason women think once they start getting physical with a man that things will change. He will communicate with her on a regular basis, take her on regular dates and all the sudden want a serious relationship. All the sudden they have higher expectations and where he could go days or weeks before without contacting you all the sudden now that isn’t acceptable. But please tell me how he’s supposed to know this?
You are being quite immature and passive aggressive by ignoring him. If you are upset he went 2 weeks without talking to you after things go physical then tell him this. You feel you are paying him back for something he “deserves” because he ghosted you. Now he thinks you ghosted him and you think he ghosted you. No one wins in this situation. Why don’t you act like an adult and communicate with him? If he only wants casual and you are expecting a relationship then this won’t work. But if you don’t ask you’ll never know will you?April 9, 2018 at 2:54 pm #696658
Playing games will never get you anywhere! So often on this board, women take the advice of “don’t be the aggressor” (which I tend to agree with, sure) too far, and then it backfires on them.
If you want something with this dude, you need to not be passive aggressive and punishing. This all could have been resolved if when he reached out you responded by saying
“hey, well to be honest I hadn’t heard from you in a while, and thought you weren’t interested, but if you are, I need more consistent communication to be excited about moving forward”
Set a standard. Not in a rude way, but just in a matter of fact way.
Clear communication will get you further than games any day.April 9, 2018 at 3:28 pm #696663
You acted immaturely.