Decoding the second date and this person

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This topic contains 45 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Scorpion Woman 8 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #721313 Reply

    Indian Diva

    I met a guy through dating app, after having few text conversations we decided to meet. we went for dinner and had a drink and then he took me for a drive and he tried coming closer to me…which I kind of cleared out that he respects that and shares the same values as I have. He dropped me home and texted me that he had an amazing time and would like to see me again, I was happt too and reciprocated the same.

    we had a very light conversation during the week but we decided to meet again to know each other better and i kinda liked this guy. This time he didn’t took me for dinner but took me for the same drive and had alcohol, made me a drink, I initially refused and sensed where it was heading too but wanted to see if my intuition was right. Soon I felt my head heavy and he started making his move.

    I was reluctant when he tried kissing me and hugging me and told him this is not right, he told me to be in the moment. then he asked if I can hug him..which i did but this hug was very sensuous and I kinda liked it too, but then pulled myself back. He then asked me to go with him on the back seat or if he can come over my side.. I denied.

    then we just sat there in the middle of nowhere just staring at each other talking, touching each others face, hair and at times hugging ( he tried kissing again) but didn’t suceed…I didn’t understand was this a connection because for me I didn’t realized that it had been 5 hours.

    Because it was late he took me home to have dinner where he tried one more time to come closer and I politely denied then he dropped me home and we never texted again it has been 4 days.

    I liked this guy but I was not in love with him thats why I didn’t wanted to get physical at the level he wanted and it was just a second date…

    This guy was two years younger to me and I didn’t know if he was looking for someting serious or casual but being from the same rural place and same language, culture I felt the connect.

    I just felt a good attraction and chemistry between us and I know he felt that too but I dont want to see him again atleast like this just for physical needs. And I don’t know why I feel that he surely does exactly the same thing to other girls as well.

    Can you help me understand my thoughts and how can i trust guys whenever I try I fell on floor. ANd what kind of person was this guy. Even when I told him on our first date he wanted to get me drunk and get physical…am i decoding it correct?

    #721316 Reply


    I don’t have any good advice to give you. But, I can make you precision-cut wood furniture; it’s super easy when you have laser eyes.

    #721317 Reply


    Hang on: I am not in love with him? you only had 2 dates? Do you fall in love after first date?

    Also it is clear as f he just wants to have sex, you didn’t give it to him therefore he stopped contacting you

    #721319 Reply

    Indian Diva

    Hi Ewa

    I never said that after first date I fell in love with him, I said I didn’t wanted to get physical with this person because I didn’t had any strong feelings of love, surely I was attracted and alcohol did some effect too.

    And I told him that..this is not happening but still I was sitting there with him feeling some sort of bond…I even told him when I was a little emotional and we hugged very tightly that this is the last time I am seeing you and there was a strange ffeling of loosing and never seeing him again…it was like when you hug someone when they are about to die and you want to feel it to the core to embrace it.

    I am just trying to understand my feelings here and why he spent that much time when he was constantly saying “I know you want let me do anything and nothing’s gonna happen.”

    #721320 Reply


    guys will do whatever they can to get you to sleep with them, they will be nice, they will take you out, they will even wait few weeks if they have to and have no other options.
    no point trying to understand why. the bond you felt was probably one sided. I was in that situation many times. Guys are good at pretending when they want something.
    He wanted it to happen, you saw it through his actions, his words don’t matter here.

    #721323 Reply


    WTH I did not post this???? I’m disabling my picture feature and reporting this to Eric as people should not be able to download it!! This site is not secure.

    #721335 Reply


    None of these is *Lane because neither post talks almost completely about herself…on every fabulous level – even though she’s on this site!
    Hilarious. I LOVE those eyes!!

    #721336 Reply


    None of these is *Lane because neither post talks almost completely about herself…on every fabulous level – even though she’s on this site!
    Hilarious. I LOVE those eyes!!

    #721337 Reply


    None of these is *Lane because neither post talks almost completely about herself…on every fabulous level – even though she’s on this site!
    Hilarious. I LOVE those eyes!!

    #721348 Reply


    I would hope I am stating the obvious, but I don’t think I am in this case.
    Do not get into a stranger’s car and go for a ride to some remote area. And DO NOT accept an alcoholic drink that he brings with him. That drink could have been drugged and you could have ended up raped or killed.

    As it was, this man was only looking for easy sex even on the first date.

    Your feelings should be relief that this turned out better than it could have.

    I’m not sure what other advice to provide since I am confused with your actual question. It sounds like you were physically attracted to him, so you liked the holding and kissing. But this man was in it for sex. And I agree he probably does this with other women. Sounds like his MO.

    #721352 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    Couldn’t agree more with OK!! You meet a total stranger online, meet him after a few text messages, and then get into a car with him just because he’s from the same area as you and speaks the same language?! You say he respects you and has the same values as you but then by date 2 he doesn’t even take you for dinner, but brings you alcohol and tries to get you into the backseat of his car! He could have given you a date rape drug and this could have turned out really awful!!

    You’re in the middle of nowhere with this guy you don’t know and he could have forced himself on you. Yes he was wanting to get you drunk and have sex. DUH!! Drop this guy like a bad habit and find a guy who actually does respect you!! Odds are if you had given it to him in the back seat he wouldn’t be contacting you again either.

    #721354 Reply


    Don’t see this man again he is only looking for sex.

    And you put yourself in danger going on a drive to nowhere with a stranger, what if he was not a gentleman and left you there or forced himself on you.

    After you mentioned your head got heavy after he gave you a drink I’m convinced he spiked it with something.

    You have been warned leave this guy alone he is a creep.

    #721374 Reply

    Indian Diva

    I didn’t do anything with him not in front of back seat , but thank you ladies for opening my eyes.
    He was talking really nicely, staring at me with love , put his head in my lap and told me his struggles, he said that’s how people connect nowadays… we both could have stayed for hours there , he said we have been here for 5 hours now and can be here till morning also doing nothing( which I think he meant intimate) so isn’t it a connect ? … I am feeling myself at fault too, how can I I trust a stranger … am I coming off as too desperate… I am struggling to understand my thoughts had it been any friend of mine I would have scolded her and told her how stupid she can be …. and I feel the same but when I was there it just felt complete even i told him that what he wants is in the moment and I want this with someone forever… also I have never done this before, getting close to a guy … I honestly think I did this to know myself better.

    #721375 Reply


    No one is implying you did anything with him, but PLEASE do not put yourself in this situation again. It seems to me you are very inexperienced and could be very easily manipulated into a dangerous situation. You said he was staring at you with “love”? Nope, he wasn’t. Lust, maybe. But you literally just met him so just how could he be staring at you with love?

    I’d get off the dating apps, if I were you and maybe take up some hobbies where you can socialize and get to know people better.

    #721399 Reply


    Do not go to remote places with strangers. Do not go to remote places with strangers….do not…

    #721402 Reply


    You sound very young and naive, Time to grow up and stop being so gullible. You are lucky he did not force himself on you.

    Why would you go for a long drive with a stranger who had been drinking? That is just plain stupid.

    #721422 Reply

    Indian Diva

    I am feeling horrible…. I don’t know why I did this,
    All my friends are either married or dating and they always come across better people … I wanted to try too , i was hoping that I might find someone… and this guy soundsed really down to earth …. I don’t know why I had the drink I had the intuition where it would lead to …
    I am just ashamed of myself and my behavior 😭😭😭

    #721458 Reply


    Get professional therapy.

    #721468 Reply


    what are you confused about dear? its so obvious he just wanted to sleep with you. and a quick one at that. in the back seat of his car. he wasted all that time telling you those things about himself just to make you feel a connect with him. hes a player and was using those tactics to get you to say yes to sex. Next time please do not go for long drives or have alcohol in the car unless your ok with having sex in the backseat with someone you don’t know. no need to feel ashamed. this is a learning curve for you. next time please go on proper dates get to know the guy well before you decide to get in the back seat. :-)

    #721474 Reply


    This man could have raped and murdered you in the dark far away from anywhere!
    I’m not just trying to frighten you, but what I’ve just said happens.
    NEVER do anything this silly EVER again.

    #721502 Reply


    “He was talking really nicely, staring at me with love , put his head in my lap and told me his struggles, he said that’s how people connect nowadays… we both could have stayed for hours there , he said we have been here for 5 hours now and can be here till morning also doing nothing( which I think he meant intimate) so isn’t it a connect ? ”

    NO, this doesn’t mean there’s a connection. He was simply telling you everything you wanted to hear hoping he could sleep with you on date 1 or 2. He seems manipulative. Telling you about his struggles on date 1 gets my BS meter on. It’s his way of making you think he is into you, poor little him, etc to win your affection. He could be just chatting with you doing nothing for 5 hours on date 1 with the anticipation that will lead to spending 5 hours on date 2 hooking up.

    If he truly felt a connection or wanted a meaningful relationship, he wouldn’t have asked you out on a drive. Maybe he is nice but what does that even mean if he doesn’t treats you like a lady, which he clearly didn’t. Please be careful with such men. You got away safely this time but next time, first few dates should be in public places with no going to houses or getting into cars. Protect yourself dear.

    #721530 Reply


    Stop being such a diva!

    Did your mom not teach you how to behave with me? LOL

    If you decide something, stick to it. You said no to him, and then proceeded to drink and spend five (five !!) hours with a dude you just met. You need to pace yourself and not be that available.

    Behave with dignity and according to normal social standards, when you take things slow at first, get to know each other, etc etc. Yo don’t just go and dive in as if he is the last man standing. It is really is that simple. LOL

    And then when things don’t work out, you fall apart. Over what? Some dude dd not call, so? screw him. Find another one.

    Shake it off, learn a lesson, and don’t be a fool next time LOL

    #721706 Reply

    Indian Diva

    So this guy contacted me again on a Friday night, telling me that I didn’t texted him..i told him I wasn’t expecting any further communication somehow.
    He was hoping to meet me on Saturday again, I made him clear what I think that I am not looking for something casual, I felt a connection with him , but I am not compromising on my values.

    He said he liked spending time with me and wants to meet to talk . I had plans for the weekend so I told him I am busy and will let him know.. he said ok. And after that we didn’t text each other for the entire weekend.

    I kinda like him but I can see myself falling for this person I barely know…I want to know him better. I like talking spending time with him…but when i know that’s its not gonna lead anywhere I kill my thoughts.

    I know this sounds stupid but somewhere I felt a connection with him….I am going no contact so that I dont end up making fool of myself in some emotional break out. If he texts me I will reply in a normal method and if he wants to meet should i meet and see what he has to say and what he feels.

    there was definitely a spark and something which I can’t ignore because I never felt that before. Earlier if guys tried touching me I was grossed out but with him I liked it…

    #721707 Reply


    OP – I dont post much,but I will absolutely tell you that men who feels a connection and wants anything serious with you, WILL NOT LEAD w SEX…

    I am seeing a man who shows all signs of wanting a relationship… We dated for over a month and 5 dates now, only a slight kiss on the lip and hand holding…

    This guy does not feel anythign towards you, period…

    #721708 Reply


    Hi there…some (many?) men will try to have sex with you on the first or second date but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re bad guys. You may have been a little foolish to go sit in a car in a deserted area with him, but you held your ground when he tried to push too far and showed him that you weren’t giving in that easily. Then, you tell him clearly that you are looking for something serious and he still wants to see you! I think that’s a good sign.

    If you like him and he wants to see you knowing that you’re NOT going to have sex, why wouldn’t you meet with him? Just make sure it’s in a public place where you feel comfortable. If he’s willing to do that, go for it?

    You ended the conversation saying you would “let him know” which means he’s waiting for you to contact him. To be fair, you should either contact him and let him know when you’re free or tell him that you don’t feel you’re a good match. We complain when men leave us hanging or not texting when they say they will…we shouldn’t do it to them.

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