This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Hmm 9 months, 2 weeks ago.
December 7, 2017 at 6:37 am #671399
I’m a 47 year old widow of 2 years. My bf is a 57 year old widow of 2 years. We have dating for 18 months. We met at a group for widowed partners. He is not very expressive however we exchanged ily in August. The relationship has moved very slowly for obvious reasons. Him slower than me. He is an amazing partner and I have no complaints. We maintain separate homes but see each other prob 3-4 times during the week and I typically spend the entire weekend at
his house. Our kids are grown however I have a 16 year old at home still. My other two are in their 20’s. They too live with me. Anyway I want to ask him to live together but I fear the big NO. IDK if he’s ready bc he is horrible at expressing himself. Although I feel that he has dropped some hints. Does anyone have any ideas on how I could bring this
Up in a roundabout way or should I just go for it? Thanks for any advice.December 7, 2017 at 6:45 am #671400
No is the worst thing he can say. Do you think it would be a deal breaker and your relationship will end if he were to say no?
If I was in your situation with 16 and 20 year olds in the house I would be happy about the weekend get away at his place.
Just go for it. A roundabout way is a surefire way for miscommunication.December 7, 2017 at 6:53 am #671401
Why is it so hard for you to bring up this topic? If your that fearful of talking to him about major or important subjects then your relationship isn’t that strong. The big part of a courtship is negotiating, discussing and building a strong foundation so you can build towards a future together. I personally wouldn’t ask but bring up the subject like you do any other subject such as “have you ever thought about us living together?” and then carefully listen to what he says.
When my (now ex) husband asked me to move in with him I said “no” and my reason was I wasn’t going to act like a wife without being one. He proposed again the next month as I turned the first one down as it was way too soon (less than 6 months together). My pace was much slower than his because I wanted to be sure this was the man I wanted to spend my life with. Its not a race but a journey and I am of the mindset that it really should be the man’s job to progress and move it forward when he’s ready to take that next step.December 7, 2017 at 9:14 am #671418
Guys don’t really drop hints. They don’t. Whatever you think you heard – probably he didn’t put much thought into it.
Just ask him casually. You need to know what you want. If his “no” (or “not now”) is a deal breaker for you, then you know to leave him if that comes out. If you can stay with him as it is, then just talk and hear him out.December 7, 2017 at 10:48 am #671422
I agree. Men don’t just hint. Did he hint when he asked you out on your first date? Did he hint he wanted to see you several times a week and spend weekends together? Men know how to ask for what they want. So if this was top of mind for him he would have just said something.
My first thought was why would an almost 60 year old man want to live with a 16 year old and twin 20 something’s (who should probably be kicked out of the nest and on their own anyway)? I sure wouldn’t. There’s a difference between the two of you comhabitating and the 5 of you! So that may be why he hasn’t brought it up.
Is your plan to keep both houses and have the kids take over one and the 16 year old live with you and the beau? If you hadn’t thought it through you might want to before you bring up the subject. Why is living together so Important to you right now? To consolidate and save money? To hope that it leads to marriage? After almost two years it’s time to get things on the table.