This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by anon 5 days, 6 hours ago.
May 16, 2019 at 1:09 am #750107
Why dating is so hard? Should we go for someone who shares our views and values or opposite does attracts? I am dating a guy who is extremely smart but we are opposite on every single social issue. He is a nice guy and willing to pay for everything, but his views are somewhat problematic for me. Yesterday he asked if I am willing to stay home and have kids after we get married, this is 2019, I can’t believe my man wants me to stay home to raise a family.May 16, 2019 at 2:03 am #750112
>”Why dating is so hard?”
Because life is hard.
>”Should we go for someone who shares our views and values”
>”or opposite does attracts?”
No! This may be even interesting but only on the short term, maybe 6 months or so.
>”I am dating a guy who is extremely smart but we are opposite on every single social issue.”
My Godness… After 2 years (maybe sooner) he will start letting you know how stupid you are. Initially once per month, then per week, and eventually everyday.
>”I can’t believe my man wants me to stay home to raise a family.”
You can give him only kids and your body. But he will get bored with you after several month, even if you are very beautiful and sexy. My advice: Find a guy who is very, very similar to you, in every respect! Good Luck :-)May 16, 2019 at 2:45 am #750116
opposites attract is mostly a cliché. and doesn’t usually work in most cases. its so exhausting when every thing that is important to you is opposed by the other person. you have to discuss and argue simply to get the other person around to what you think and feel is so obviously logical. I met this guy and found him very different. so told him don’t see any point in us dating since we are opposites. we can just hang out casually or as friends. nothing serious. my god after 2/3 dates, I realised hell no way! he tried my patience. and nothing that seemed obvious to me was obvious to him. whew. too exhausting and not a whole lot of fun. we had great physical chemistry but that was it. I think its important that you guys think alike atlst on certain fundamental issues.May 16, 2019 at 6:37 am #750126
I wouldn’t date someone too much like myself. My wife is like me but we differ in many aspects of our views, she’s more liberal and I’m mixture of conservative and liberal views. However there are issues you have to set as non-negotiable for yourself.May 16, 2019 at 7:01 am #750128
Never settle for someone who doesn’t share a majority of your views or your setting yourself up for a lot of arguments or disagreements!!! There should be some opposites but those opposites bring out the best in the other, such as expanding your interests; travelling more if the other doesn’t where you come to enjoy their passion and they enjoy yours too; able to calm you down if your overly intense or get them to stand up themselves or others when they would normally avoid it. The yin and yang is the best way to describe it where your opposites compliment each other in a positive way, not create distance or discord.
My best and longest relationships occurred when we shared the same views on majority of the key issues but open to learning, exploring, experiencing or improving in ways that brings you closer.May 16, 2019 at 7:28 am #750130
I think the “opposites attract” idea works only in a limited way. When it comes to political and social views, you need to be on the same page as your partner in most issues.
However when it comes to personality traits, it can work really well to date someone different from you if your differences compliment each other. For example, I tend to be an extrovert and my boyfriend tends to be an introvert, but we balance each other out very well. I tend to be an idealist, and he’s more of a realist, but again, in a way that compliments each other (there was a time I had a big problem and he kept me grounded and from being too Pollyanna-ish about it, and it worked out in my favor; and there was a time where he veered towards pessimistic about finding a new job, and my optimism lifted him up and made him want to try, and guess what, he found a new better job very quickly).
It really depends on the individuals, I’m sure there are introvert/extrovert couples who drive each other crazy, but it works really well for us. Like Warasen said, I wouldn’t want to date someone too similar to me personality-wise (why would I want to date myself? LOL). But I do need to date someone who is on the same page as me with regard to politics and social issues. So I take the “opposites attract” idea with a grain of salt.May 16, 2019 at 9:29 am #750147
Dating is about getting to know someone to see if you are compatible. If this guy wants a stay at home mom, and you want a career, you two aren’t compatible. Move onto the next prospect.