This topic contains 97 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Steph 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
February 10, 2019 at 1:04 am #739248
This is more of a rant than anything.
I have taken on a new work assignment that’s required me to relocate for the time being. I don’t know anyone in the area so I decided to start using bumble to date and just generally get to know people not necessarily looking for anything serious.
So I started talking to this guy yesterday (he’s 32 same age as myself) he had some decent pics and stated that he was 6ft. He came across as super confident and asked me if I would like to join him for dinner that evening and suggested a restaurant (being new in town I’m not familiar with the local spots) I said I’d meet him there at 7:30.
When I arrived and he stood up from the table I got my first shock of the evening, I’m 5’9 and only had a small heel on yet I towered over him. This guy was not 6ft.
He’d already ordered a bottle of wine and offered me a glass which I accepted. I could tell he was a little awkward and not nearly as confident as he came across earlier. I pretty much carried the conversation all evening.
We ordered appetisers and mains, he had a dessert. As I was driving I stuck to the one glass of wine.
When the check came I asked if he wanted to split and he agreed…Now I am absolutely fine with paying my way especially when I have already decided that I am not interested in seeing the guy again but hold on! He invited me, chose an expensive restaurant (total bill was over $200), ordered a bottle of wine that he drank most of, had a main that was $10 more than mine and had an extra course! I feel that was just plain rude and if I had an ounce of interest in him I would not have seen him again after that.
So the guy lies about his height and he’s willing to let a woman pay his dinner (pretty much)
This morning he’s messaging me telling me how gorgeous I am and that we should hang out again hahaha No! Immediately unmatched him, thankfully he doesn’t have my number.
Is this what dating is like these days? The whole experience has really put me off meeting anyone else!February 10, 2019 at 1:08 am #739249
It’s a little like ‘Russian Roulette’February 10, 2019 at 1:13 am #739250
Better off single
I went out with 1 guy from a dating site. He was still married and lied to me about it. I talked to plenty who wanted to go on a date and never planned anything they just wanted to text back and forth. Now, I’m being stalked by one of them.February 10, 2019 at 1:17 am #739251
Hang out on this forum long enough and read the stuff women go through. It’s great learning experience.February 10, 2019 at 1:19 am #739252
Oh Dear Better off single you be careful girl hopefully it’s not anything too bad?
Raven I guess it is.
I was talking to another guy who started asking for nudes to prove that I was serious and not a fake!February 10, 2019 at 1:40 am #739253
If it’s an expensive place, you only stay for a drink or two. Unless he insists on paying for more.February 10, 2019 at 4:45 am #739258
I personally never had much luck on the dating sites. I had 2 men lying about their height too. I am almost 180 cm and usually wear 10 cm heels, so when a 170 man presented himself it looked hilarious.
Men that write that want to meet but then never meet are classic.
I live in Spain and there are not so many quality guy here. Most of them are flaky, lazy and have a lot of complexes. The paying issue here is a huge turn off too. I am fine with paying for myself, but I have also been tricked into paying the whole bill on two occassions. One of those men explained later to me that LETTING me pay was him fighting against the patriarchalism.
Amazing.February 10, 2019 at 7:14 am #739262
Sadly yes! Especially with online dating. Last date I had I did the whole ’woukd you like to split the bill’ because apparently as independent women we should be ok with that (I don’t agree) anyway he agreed and we split the bill, it really bothered me and turned me off him a bit.
The way I see it these online dating guys are chatting and meeting so many women, so many different types of women, some with no boundaries that basically make us all look like we are too demanding, high maintenance or hard work if we don’t give in as quick or don’t put out. The impression I’m getting is the man thinks he’s the prize and so we need to work for him… especially when you’re in your 30s it’s no secret that most of us want to settle down and have kids, men don’t have that pressure so they don’t Court you or take the time to really make you their priority. Seems to be the same story day in and day out ‘I can’t figure out if he likes me?’…or…‘we had sex and he’s now not interested’…or…’he hasn’t text me for three days what does this mean?’
I think if we truly valued ourselves we wouldn’t settle for less and we wouldn’t waste time on men who aren’t properly courting us and treating us like we are the prize. Online dating has just ruined the art of dating and it almost feels like you are browsing for a new sofa with all the swiping that we do.February 10, 2019 at 7:26 am #739264
My reading of this is that he was just after sex. Men know that women are instinctively attracted to tall men so he added several inches to his height. Taking you to an expensive restaurant was I think to compensate you in part because he knew that in person his height exaggeration would be obvious and that expensive food/wine persuade you to overlook is lie.
It is clear that he picked up in your lack of interest and stuck you with half of the bill.February 10, 2019 at 7:27 am #739265
Autocorrect is so annoying!February 10, 2019 at 7:34 am #739266
Apparently he didn’t, if he messaged her the next day.February 10, 2019 at 7:46 am #739267
I am reluctant to write this but Emma is correct in her belief that men are not so ignorant and/or unaware as women suppose. There are hundreds of websites that break down the modern female psyche,that is women SAY they want nice sensitive,caring men but in reality these men inspire zero tingles in women. What women actually want is a bad boy to provide excitement and occasionally some danger. Women according to these websites hope that in time they’ll be able to smooth out the negative parts while keeping the exciting parts. However just as ‘you can’t turn a ho into a housewife’ you can’t turn a bad boy into a stable husband and provider.February 10, 2019 at 7:51 am #739269
Yes I read that part but he was just trying a second time. He was after sex and possibly assumed the OPs lack of interest was due to her not being in the mood for sex. So he tried again hoping that this time she might this time he up for sex.February 10, 2019 at 8:04 am #739270
I am glad that you have it all figured out.February 10, 2019 at 8:09 am #739271
Serena is right many men are playing a numbers game with women. Again on manosphere websites readers are told to get out there and just approach one woman after another. Did you know that there are Game techniques? There is Day Game,that is approaching women in public spaces during the day. The theory behind this is that unlike in a nightclub women will not have their guard up,that is their ASD( Anti Slut Device) won’t be so easily triggered.February 10, 2019 at 8:24 am #739273
Better off single
Lol. ASD? Men these days.
I think it’s funny how a lot of men will go out looking for just sex and then tell themselves they don’t want a woman who is a “slut” yet have no problem just banging a woman they think is one. Men are the sluts.
Me personally I don’t care for the bad boy type. Just the adventurous intelligent ones who will take me with them to jump out of a plane. With a parachute of course.February 10, 2019 at 8:33 am #739275
I am just informing women here how men think. I don’t of course practice any of these things as I am what the Italians call a ‘femminuccia’. Is there are Spanish word for people like me?February 10, 2019 at 8:37 am #739276
I like that you are providing insight from a males point of view and strangely enough the last guy I dates (who I liked) did say to me that women don’t want a guy that’s all sweet and romantic you want a bad guy…. I don’t necessarily agree because I think if you are attracted to someone who’s not paying you attention and treating you like crap isn’t that a reflection of what you believe in yourself?! As in if you don’t believe you deserve someone who really cares and makes an effort you will settle for this bad boy crap??
Guys are very keyed up when it comes to our emotional settings because of all these articles out there just like the ones we read about men. But for some reason our emotions sometimes override our logic! Overanalysing and questioning things when really I do agree that a guy had a good sense of where he is at with you from day one and I do think they play on your emotions when they know you like them.
Finally, again back to boundaries, the guy will treat you how you allow him if you respond to crappy behaviour he will continue it because you are showing him it’s ok. Contrary to believe men do like you to put your foot down and not let him get away with bad treatment but I believe how you execute that message is key. A women should always be in her feminine power and let the man be the man when he needs to be……… man may have discovered fire but women discovered how to play with it!February 10, 2019 at 8:37 am #739277
Hi Better Off!
Yes these men chase and corrupt women then they loudly complain about how there are no nice respectable women these days to bring home to mother!February 10, 2019 at 9:04 am #739284
@Danita- One of those men explained later to me that LETTING me pay was him fighting against the patriarchalism.
Just WOW LOL
@Stephen- Asking more out of curiousity than anything but concerning how men think, do you think this way (think not act) or are these opinions gleaned from online articles?February 10, 2019 at 9:47 am #739288
Low quality men would use any marketing or propaganda trends to benefit themselves, and this is what’s been happening on the dating scene en mass. In the past, only 10-15 years ago, there was no question about who pays. Men always paid. There was no “title” game, you start seeing each other, if you saw each other more than 3-4 times, you are an item. Sexual “exclusivity” was taken for granted, it was implied, and if one of the parties slept with someone else during the early dating time (usually with the exes), it was perceived as cheating and was often the cause for the end of a new relationship. This applied to both sides. A woman would never think to come up with “should I be upset” if the man deceived her. Directly or by omitting information. This is not the case anymore.
These days, if there is no “title”, a guy thinks he is free to sleep around and some think the woman would be totally ok with that. You see, he is not cheating. He is free to do whatever he wants and “does not owe her anything”. So the woman is left anxious trying to “earn” basic decency. But the ‘title’ means very little. One text, and it is gone. So women these days are forced to “earn” what used to be normal. If in the past a man was seeing a woman and then also slept with someone else, he felt low about himself, he knew he was a cheater and liar. Not these days, at least not for the vast majority of men, they feel great about themselves, you are not “official”, you see. Duh!
Then comes the question of who pays for the first few dates. In the past it was always a man’s responsibility but these days men have things nearly for free. Dating and sex. And then when the relationship with the “title” comes in, all he has to do, it seems, is not to sleep around and text back promptly. That’s roughly about the extent of men’s responsibilities these days.
Unless the girl is a model type, or definitely out of their league, or much younger (for older men), many men invest little to no effort. There are hundreds of options out there. There is always someone younger, someone with a higher income (yes they look at that too), someone prettier. What prevents them from shopping around?
In addition they read articles about women, written by half-brained men, and follow those idiotic rules to the letter. If enough people follow those rules for a decade, it becomes the norm of the society. And year after year, these “norms” are becoming more and more degrading.
Women are at a GREAT disadvantage in this situation, compared to men. They have to pay for dates, they have to worry about STDs and abortions, they have to “earn” their right out of a harem (sexual exclusivity), and then they have to wait for the “title”. Because until the title is there, her guy could still hang out on all dating sites and see other women, looking for better deals.
If you are a pretty young woman, do not waste your BEST years. Value your “assets” highly, do not get involved with subpar men. Only if you meet a decent man, only when you have a chance to test him out, only then invest your emotions into him. And then do not stick around for years. If you want a family, and if you are over 25 and you do not see a future with a man, do not get involved at all, unless you want to shag him for a few weeks. But do not waste more of your time on any man you do not see as your future HB. Your best years are very limited. The older you are, the lower your chances of finding the guy you want. Be realistic and practical and do not fall prey to the modern BS propaganda about “ageism”.
Sure there are some older women who luck out but those are in a minority. The majority is having a hard time or having to settle. You can dive in denial and tell yourself you can have a baby right before retirement, or you can be realistic and practical and treasure your best years and NOT waste them.
The best years for a woman is 23-35. Maximum 38. After 40, you are a FWB or “temporary fun” target. Many women begin to have health issues, fibroids, polyps..we live in a polluted world. Why wait until you get to be middle aged? 42 is considered middle aged because people are expected to live up to 85, statistically. So why push your luck? Ridiculous. These days quite a few women go into early menopause, as early as 45. I heard of quite a few cases that it can happen even in your late 30s- or early 40s. So how smart is it to pretend there is no age restriction and call it “age shaming”. I bet no young woman would be offended by that, so only old women dislike this logic. To you I say, tough luck. If you missed out on your best years, do not try to con others into doing the same.
As women we need to use our time wisely, be very discerning, NOT deal with “losers” or men who exhibit poor character traits. Cast them out immediately.
I suggest for the first date to go for a quick coffee. And do not spend more than an hour talking. This way you get to suss out the guy, and none of you have to spend much money. If he is not offering to cover the “bill” and is quite happy to accept to “split” a $10-20 dollar “date” (i.e. saving $10 bucks from your share), then he is NOT worth your time. He is either does not have a good job, greedy, did not like you enough or not smart (buying into the modern propaganda about women wanting bad boys). None of it is good for you. So don’t continue “talking”. Talking gets women emotionally invested, so do not talk to losers!
Some women like to shag and have fun with bad boys, but what intelligent woman would want to marry one? Men who believe in women wanting bad boys are not very smart and can’t see two steps ahead. This “myth” is another excuse for men to be an “ass” if you ask me. I am a jerk but hey women like “bad boys” so I am cool. Duh!
For tall women, your options are more narrow because men over 6 feet are in the minority and in high demand, but men like tall women too, so you are in a high demand as well LOL If a guy is not as tall as he said he was, after your first coffee date simply don’t see him anymore, text him ‘was nice meeting you but we are looking for different things and good luck’. If height is important to you, then don’t try to lie to yourself. Only date tall men. LOL
For the OP, you are correct and kudos to you for not getting brainwashed. Simply using normal human standards, if a person agreed to “split” the bill in half but consumed 70-80% of the cost, what kind of a person does this? Would you do that? If you are “splitting” at the very least pay for your share.February 10, 2019 at 10:21 am #739290
Emma is living in a world that’s defined by ideas and rules that are old outdated and simply untrue. What a load of crap. This is a woman who lives outside the US and is married and sleeping with other men with her husband’s permission. Consider the source before you take her advice. If you agree with her limited version of reality and want to live the same story, hey go for it. Just don’t take her opinion as gospel if you are new here. She’s been here for years spouting the same stuff under various names, FYI.
Here are a few tips for success with online date.
Don’t do dinner on the first date unless there’s an exceptional reason. Keep it simple – coffee or drinks, no longer than two hours. Dinner is too much of an investment of time and money when you don’t know someone.
Don’t offer to split the tab unless you mean it. It’s crummy to “test” a man by offering and then getting offended when he accepts. Don’t blame him because you can’t receive graciously, and throw off the balance by offering to pay while hoping he’ll say oh no, that’s OK, I’ve got it. Some men are now afraid they will offend if they turn you down. It isn’t always that they don’t have manners.
Men lie about their height, women lie about their weight. That’s pretty common online.
Develop a thick skin, and screen fast. You’re going to meet a lot of men who aren’t a match. If you find yourself getting discouraged and jaded, then take a break. Online is only one way to meet men, keep doing other activities you enjoy. Be happy with yourself and with your life. Happy girls are attractive girls.
There are good guys online – I married one. :)February 10, 2019 at 10:55 am #739303
I hate that there is a woman on this talking about our ‘best years’ being 23-35! how ridiculous of you to give us a shelf life!!
I feel sorry for you if you’re in your 40s and have accepted that men see you as a fwb target or temporary fun. You sound very bitter! Stop putting women in a one size fits all box!
If the guy is right for you, then regardless of your AGE he will treat you properly and give you the respect one deserves.February 10, 2019 at 11:51 am #739313
For supposedly progressive thinkers, there’s a ridiculous amount of judgment towards Emma’s marriage. Literally who cares what sort of arrangement they have going. If they’re being honest with each other and it works, good for them! I know the purpose of the site to snag a husband, that end goal is not all rainbows and butterflies. Marriage is HARD work and not always that great.
She may be a little hardline with her beliefs but she’s speaking strictly to those who want a traditional lifestyle with a husband and kids. And yes, at around 25, women are at their prime. They are most attractive to the opposite AND the good husband candidates are still available. The older you get, the more good candidates get married off and the more narrow your dating pool gets. This is life. This is thinking practically. So older women still find viable partners? Of course! But this is practical advice for those seeking a traditional lifestyle. You can’t find the rules of the world…February 10, 2019 at 12:01 pm #739316
Another anon. Not sure what planet you are from. 25 isn’t prime age. In fact the woman is immature emotionally and can be all over the place. The only prime thing about it may be fertility. Age … like a fine wine, age makes it better. Men respond way better to mature women who are calm, know who they are, and aren’t the 20 something drama queen. It’s why a lot of men seek out older women. You can still have a hot body after 20’s. Pair that with emotional maturity and that’s an attractive package.