This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by DD 1 month ago.
June 14, 2019 at 9:19 am #753651
Hi, I’m dating someone, about a month now, and we have had our situations but nothing too terrible. Anyway, last night he texted asking if I was home. I wasn’t, I was at an appointment. I received the text an hour after he sent it and replied as soon as I did. I heard nothing back. Then I reached out when i was heading to bed, but I was in my girlfriends house. When I didn’t hear back, I said “goodnight” then he replied that he was awake but slowly falling asleep. at the same time I mentioned my friends recently exboyfriend had come over to her house and she didn’t want him there (there’s history there I won’t go into now) and so I mentioned to my guy that he was downstairs trying to get in. He asked where I was, but I told him we have an alarm system and the guy was leaving.
I’m annoyed because he didn’t call. He also didn’t ask this morning if everything was ok. He just acted like nothing.
Things are building. The night before we were supposed to hang. He asked me the morning of and I said sure I was available. then I didn’t hear from him all day. From 9am to 4pm when I finally reached out to ask what was going on. He quickly responded saying he was stuck at work and would pick me up at home. I inquired as to how long that would be he said 1-1.5 hours. I get home I’m getting dressed when I didni’t hear from him. I text and he says he went home was going to shower and get me when the traffic dies down. I asked when that would be he said he’d start getting ready at 8. At this point I’m over it and feeling like if I wasn’t reaching out we wouldn’t be doing anything. Also, we both have work in the morning and I wondered how long we’d have with eachother. I asked him that and he mentioned “oh the same amount of time as monday” to me that would’ve been an hour tops. So I decided to call it a night and say that he doesn’t seem into it, and i had a long day as well. He quickly agreed. That upset me so I called him. He didn’t answer. He calls me back 5 minutes later saying he was on the phone. We facetime and I mention how it looked to me. He doesn’t see it. He does mention how things seem difficult with me. But I do’nt see it that way. I’m actually easy, i just require consideration…
Anyway, now that last night happened, he obviously wanted to hang, and I wasn’t available, now he’s distant. What should I do? Let it ride? or slowly fade away?June 14, 2019 at 9:46 am #753654
I think you are in an irritable mode. so most probably any interaction now would just be counter productive. let a few days go by. and don’t initiate contact. see how it pans out. let him get in touch and make plans.June 14, 2019 at 10:34 am #753657
To me this looks over from both sides. He considers you difficult and you consider him rude. Plus you had to call him to tell him youre upset while all he did was agree with a plan you proposed. Guys are really not good with these kind of mixed signals. To me he doesnt sound very interested so i would just stop contacting himJune 14, 2019 at 10:58 am #753660
Firstly, I’ve been very easy to hang out with. The problem is twice he thought I’d be home waiting for him to contact me and when he did late in the day I already had made plans. So he says I have too many friends…I guess he’s used to women who have no friends? i told him once we are exclusive once i’m in a relationship I do change my ways. But right now we arent…
ANyway he just called me and we spoke for about 15 minutes. He said he wants to see me tonight. he sounded stressed, we talked he has alot going on at home and at the job…SoI agreed and said yes to whatever he wanted to do in terms of meeting up and what time. Im making it easy for him.
Then he mentioned how he has to work tomorrow, I said I was hanging with friends but maybe we c could meet up afterwards he said ok.
I’m struggling with wondering if he has someone else. I don’t, but I know the signs. So my wanting to hang after he gets outta work was a test. IF he has noone else, is isn’t going home with anyone then he’ll meet up wit me.
He did mention how tonight is going to be a late night that he wanted to stay “out” and I’m fine with that.
Here’s the key: we haven’t been intimate yet. I’m just not jumping into bed with men the way I used to. And I feel he doesn’t know how to navigate around that…June 14, 2019 at 11:10 am #753664
Oh, he also gave me the choice to do whatever I wanted – movie, dinner, hang out walk around..I think he’s trying…June 14, 2019 at 11:25 am #753666
You’re being difficult and there’s no sex. Hmmm.
You can feel justified in being difficult — that’s perfectly fine, no judgment from me on that. I understand you feel you have a right to be treated a certain way. But it’s still you making it difficult for him to just go with the flow and enjoy time with you without sex.
I think he’s losing interest or motivation. I hope when you 2 do actually spend some quality time together, it helps the 2 of you bond in a way that motivates him again.
Good luck. :)June 14, 2019 at 11:29 am #753667
he’ll defintiely have a good time with me. He mentioned he always has fun with me. It’s I who said no to being exclusive…and held off on the sex…
The fact he gave me the choice of what to do is a good sign, considering, right?June 14, 2019 at 12:21 pm #753676
You are self sabotaging. And being difficult, painful actually. Men HATE being tested and dealing with you seems to be a constant sh*t test. He’s catching on and if you don’t relax and let things flow naturally he’s going to be gone.June 14, 2019 at 1:08 pm #753677
I agree with others in that your being too difficult and demanding IMO. It’s like you’re trying to fit him into your schedule and doesn’t JUMP at your command. Stop initiating, let him plan and schedule when your both free and works a heck of a lot better than the way your going about it.
The fact he said you “you have too many fiends” is a sign that your too busy and only fit him I’m when your not without taking into consideration his time and things he needs to do too Just an observation.June 14, 2019 at 1:14 pm #753678
I didnt say you were difficult, i said he said that. For guys thats usually their sign to get out of the door. But he is reaching out and yes thats a good sign. But this testing, wondering if he is with another woman. And you are very wishy washy, Yesterday you wanted to fade away and now you dont. I truelly get that when women were burned i the past and they decide to try a different dating style based on getting to know a guy better. Thats a good thing. But dont take all that ‘be a prize’, let him chase etc all too literal and become this upper tight person. Its a middle way you want.June 14, 2019 at 1:43 pm #753681
Problem is yesterday he texted me asking if I was home. I answered that i wasn’t then he didn’t reach out the rest of the night. Today we spooke over the phone and he had forgotten texting me after work. So why wouldn’t i think he meant the text to be for someone else?
Two days of the week he texted me suspiciously as he was leaving work asking if I was home. Both times I wasn’t, and those same times he disappeared at night even though he should’ve texted back. Then the two days he reached out to me in the morning were the times he decided to ask early to hang out. So to me that’s an off pattern.
Looks like someone is in his life where he can text on his way home, and I’m the one he has to ask in advance…
For today, he mentioned staying out “late.”
Maybe it’s that I am damaged, and have trust issues, yes. But the patten is interesting, don’t you think?
As for initiating, I never do. He’s initiated all dates since day one.June 14, 2019 at 3:57 pm #753693
Have you been to his house yet? O think this guy is either married or living with someone. Same patterns of contact happened between me & a guy I was dating 6 mos ago.
I found out after all my suspicions and being upset- for the same reasons you are – he was married! He would say same thing! Lots going on at home!
Please run for the hills!June 15, 2019 at 9:19 am #753756
I don’t see how she’s being difficult.
If a guy says let’s get together tonight, and then doesn’t make plans by a certain time, the advice on here always seems to be to make plans and go out with someone else.
Tammy gave a scary experience example though.
I’d choose dinner AND a movie with the caveat of “but hey, I’ll come to your house first for a bit” and see what his answer is.